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Fertility Book Club Episode 5: Body Belief

In this installment of our Book Club, we are working through Chapter 4 of my book “Body Belief,” which covers how listening to your body and mind impacts your health and fertility.

Don’t stress if you don’t have my books yet! We’re just getting started so you can still jump in. Want to order a copy so you’re ready for the next one?

You can order a copy of the book through Amazon:
http://amzn.to/2ym1jD3

or through Barnes and Noble:
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/body-belief-aimee-e-raupp-ms-lac/1126612827?ean=9781401954888#/

Comment below with your thoughts! 

Disclaimer: Please keep in mind that I am not a medical doctor. I have been a practitioner of Traditional Chinese Medicine for over 17 years and I will be speaking from my clinical experience helping thousands of women conceive. The office of Aimee E. Raupp, M.S., L.Ac and Aimee Raupp Wellness & Fertility Centers and all personnel associated with the practice do not use social media to convey medical advice. This video will be posted to Aimee’s channels to educate and inspire others on the fertility journey.

SEE TRANSCRIPT BELOW OR CLICK ON THE IMAGE ABOVE FOR THE FULL VIDEO.

Aimee Raupp:

Hi, how is everyone? Hello. Hello. Hello. We’re waiting. We’re telling followers that you started alive, so I’m going to wait. Here we go. Hi guys, how are you? I am Aimee of AimeeRaupp.com. Thank you for following me. There’s a lot of new people here. As a refresher, I am a fertility detective. I have been helping women get and stay pregnant for two decades. I am a Chinese medicine practitioner by trade, with a background in biology, chemistry, neuroscience, functional medicine, nutrition. I do it all. I’ve written a handful of books. Two in the space of fertility. My most recent book is called the Egg Quality Diet. It is a 100 day meal plan on how to optimize your egg quality by means of… ba dump bump, healing the gut, reducing inflammation, regulating the immune system. My other book is called Yes, You Can Get Pregnant, which is also a very popular book in the world of fertility. My book in between, Yes, You Can Get Pregnant and Egg Quality Diet is called Body Belief, which this one has my son has written on.

We are in the… I don’t know, we’re in the week where we do Book Club. Today is Book Club on Body Belief. We are at, I believe, chapter four. Let me just see. Yes, we are at chapter four, which is all about reconnecting to you. Is that right? My team is on here. Am I at chapter four or chapter five? I think I’m at chapter four. Either way we’re going to find out, we’re either at chapter four or chapter five. For those of you that have never read this book, Body Belief, I’m going to give you a little background. Hi Abu Dhabi, how are you? Yeah, feel free guys to tell me where you’re from and how you found me. I always love to hear news from all of you.

Body Belief. I wrote this book after writing, Yes, You Can Get Pregnant as… When I was researching and writing, Yes You Can Get Pregnant, it became very obvious to me, and many of you know this and you follow me for this reason is that most fertility challenges, most women dealing with long standing fertility challenges are diagnosed with unexplained infertility, actually have an inflammatory condition going on in their body and/or an autoimmune condition that’s either undiagnosed or improperly treated. My mission was to write a book on autoimmunity and inflammation and its impact on fertility. Hay House, the publisher of this book, wanted a more general autoimmune book for women across the board. I thought, “Okay, why not? That works for me,” because it can still be used for women trying to get pregnant. In fact, in the very beginning of the book I say, “How do you know that you’re dealing with an undiagnosed or mismanaged autoimmune or inflammatory condition?”

I actually say, “Have you been struggling to get pregnant and/or have had multiple miscarriages?” This book was written for that person. Then now over the years, I have adapted the diet in this book, but the mental emotional pieces that the pillars to Body Belief are still extremely important and used all the time in my practice. The diet itself, I adapted to be very fertility specific… macronutrient, fertility specific. That is all in my Egg Quality Diet. This book is more autoimmune, paleo with some Chinese medicine twists on the diet. Egg Quality Diet is still autoimmune, paleo Chinese medicine twists, but macronutrient balance specifically for fertility as women trying to conceive need more fat than most people. More fat and usually more protein but the fat is really where it’s at. Body Belief though the pillars here, there’s a lot of mental emotional work that’s done in this book and talked about in this book.

That’s a lot of the basis of what I do in my private practice and in my coaching and all my team, we all coach from the same premise that fertility is an extension of health. Health is mental, emotional, physical, and nutritional. You could change your diet, you could change your supplements and it might not work. That’s because you haven’t dug deeper into the mindset piece, into the belief piece. There’s now a ton of research and data and I dig into it in this book because this book isn’t that old. I think I wrote it in 2016 and I did… Or, 2017 I think came out in 2017. I think I wrote it in 2016 because I know I had my son at the point… The mindset is directly impacts the gut health. Say you’re doing all the things and you still can’t heal your gut or you still have a H. pylori infection or you just can’t get over these certain infections in your gut or you still have GI symptoms after all the work and you’ve done elimination diets and you’re taking thousands of dollars of supplements and probiotics.

It’s the mental emotional piece then that has to be looked at. It’s the hardest piece. I think, it’s easy if someone gives you structure, it’s easy to change your diet and it’s easy to change your supplements and it’s even easy to change your sleep schedule and your circadian rhythm and things of that nature. What’s not easy is working on beliefs and being really honest with yourself and noticing your beliefs, tracking them and then choosing. It’s a choice, choosing to shift them. The best thing about beliefs is that they are changeable. With that, today we are doing Book Club. I started Book Club a while ago. We went through, Yes You Can Get Pregnant, you guys can see all of those videos. They’re on YouTube and they’re also here on Instagram. Just go through the feed and then in the highlight reels too, we have them.

Now I’m doing Body Belief, and then I think next I do Egg Quality Diet probably, which is really food, so it’s not too juicy of a book. The resources page that comes with the Egg Quality Diet is extremely juicy. I do not give out that link because you got to buy the book and the link is in the book. Don’t ask me for the link because I’m never going to give it to you. If you ask me for the link, that means you didn’t buy the book. You got to go buy the book. You got to spend the 16 bucks to get the thousands of dollars of content on that resources page.

Chapter four, reconnect to you. I guess, if I had to say what I think is at the root of the work I do and the healing that I guide my patients to do is not diet and not supplements. That stuff, yes it’s there and I work on it and I support people and I review food diaries and I change supplements and I do lab tests and I see what you need and what you don’t need. I do all that. Sure. The root that I like to get to with my patients, the root that I focus on with my patients is the reconnecting. That is so important. Also, my team just said, there’s also a Book Club playlist on my profile so you don’t have to scroll through all the videos. Yeah, I thought I said highlight reel, but so a Book Club playlist on my profile. You mean on my Instagram in the highlights, right? There’s also probably… Yeah, I think that’s what you mean.

Reconnect to you is what I think is my most important, most favorite piece of the whole picture. So whether you’re trying to get pregnant, whether you’re trying to heal an autoimmune condition, whether you’re just trying to be the healthiest version of yourself, it’s about this, it’s about reconnecting to you. What I say in the very beginning of this chapter is, “Reconnecting to yourself is the most important pillar of the Body Belief plan because what I have found is that most people who walk through my clinic doors are disconnected from themselves. They are not in touch with their current state of health, mentally, emotionally, physically, and nutritionally. They don’t even have language for emotional space beyond, ‘I’m doing okay’. And they can’t quite convey their physical symptoms. It’s like they’re in a fog. They may have a medical diagnosis, but beyond that they really don’t know how they feel or how to listen to their bodies. For instance, about 80% of the new clients I meet don’t know whether or not they had a bowel movement that day.

And even more, they don’t know what it looked like, how it felt. Most of them are not sure if they feel rested in the morning or how they feel after a meal or if they have more or less mental clarity as the day progresses. And if I were to ask them about their emotional space, most of them would not connect to that either. In fact, when we start discussing what it is they feel, they typically can’t figure it out. They can identify what they’re feeling only superficially.” Then I say this and I won’t read this entire chapter to you, but, “In order to transform your health and heal, you must be able to connect and communicate with your body and it must be able to connect and communicate with you.” It’s really about other people have used the term “body speak”. That’s what this is.

How do I feel when I skip breakfast in the morning? How do I feel when I have coffee on an empty stomach? How do I feel when I go four hours between lunch and dinner? How do I feel on the first day of my period? How do I feel when I’m ovulating? How do I feel when I wake up in the morning? How do I feel when I show up for work? How do I feel when I interact with that certain person in my family? What is going on? How connected am I to me? What are the judgments? What are the thoughts? What are the beliefs that run through my head on a regular basis? That really is the first step in healing. A lot of times in the work I do, and I’ve been doing this for so long, when I’m coaching with someone or I see them in the clinic, I just pick up on statements that they use.

“Time has run out,” or, “My doctor said there’s just no hope.” Or, “I am in perimenopause.” I just had a girl recently, she was like, she wrote it on her paperwork, “Perimenopause, but I still want a baby.” Perimenopause, it was everywhere in her paperwork. We get on the call and I said, I was asking her about her period and it’s totally regular and she doesn’t have hot flashes and no signs to me of perimenopause. And even still, she’s only in her early forties. It’s very treatable and reversible in my clinical experience. So, “Where’d you get this perimenopause thing from?” “Oh, my gynecologist told me I’m in perimenopause.” I was like, “Okay, so we’re all in perimenopause, right? The second we start menstruating, we inch closer to perimenopause. We’re all there. What else? Did your doctor do blood work? What’s your FSH?”

“Oh no, my FSH, is a seven.” “Okay. Do you have a hot flash?” “No. My periods have been heavy and I have some pain with sex and I’m experiencing some urinary incontinence.” And I said, “Okay. And so your doctor from those three symptoms, she did what?” “Oh, she just told me that that’s perimenopause.” And I was like, “She didn’t do an ultrasound? She didn’t look at your ovaries or your uterus? She didn’t do blood work?” “No, no, no. She just said, based on my age, I’m 42, I’m in perimenopause”. And I was like, “Okay.” We do more detailed analysis. The first thing I was like, I just raised my hand. I’m like, “I just want you to question that. Can you start questioning that belief? Because we don’t really have data to support that diagnosis. Instead, we’re actually going to collect real data and then we’re going to see what’s actually going on.”

Turns out to her uterus had three fibroids in it and that was causing all of her symptoms. Because when you dug deeper, when I asked deeper, “Tell me about the pain with sex. Is it like a dryness feeling or is it pain with insertion, pain with depth, pain with certain positions?” “Oh no, it’s pain with certain positions.” “Tell me about the incontinence. When does that happen?” It was just pressure in her uterus because of the fibroids. She wasn’t in perimenopause her numbers are beautiful. But she formed a belief based on what someone told her and then just decided that was her diagnosis. Now she’s got things stacked against her, but she still chooses to work with me because she’s like, “Well, what do I have to lose? I still just want to be the healthiest version of myself, even just for my one child if I don’t get to have a second.”

I think for all of you, it’s just what are you choosing to believe and what data do we have to back it up? Then what data are we looking for in our society? That’s what we do with beliefs. We start looking for other data, social proof they call it, to support what it is we believe. Until we connect with ourselves, reconnect with ourselves… Some people have never connected before, but I say reconnect in this book. But understanding that some people have never been connected and that’s okay because there’s always time for that. You can always connect at any point, you can always change your beliefs, you can always connect to yourself. You can always start listening to your body. It’s a beautiful, beautiful process. What are you believing about your body? Huge. Huge. I see it all the time, I just pick these statements, I’m like, “Whoa, where’d you get that statement? Where’d you get that belief?”

You guys relate? I think too, to start questioning, what is it I’m believing about myself, about my body, about the body’s ability to function? What do I believe about aging? What do I really believe about fertility? What do I really believe about hormones? What do I really believe about diet? What do I really believe about health? I do it all the time with my husband because he’s just very convinced that you age and you become decrepid. I’m like “Where? Where’s the proof of that? Please show me,” because there’s other ways you could do it. I compare people, I’m like, “Well, she’s 74 and so is she. And it was lifestyle choices because she’s fucking healthy and then she’s having a hard time.” So maybe we don’t all age the same. We can age differently. Aging, yes, we have to age, but aging doesn’t mean we have to decline. That’s a big one guys. See how that sits with you?

“Many people lack effective communication with their body and their mind. They have very little body awareness and their emotional clarity is less than ideal too. What I’m going to teach you is how to listen to your emotional and physical body cues so you can go from wondering, ‘Why do I feel this way,’ to, ‘I know how I am feeling and why’. The word reconnect means to connect back together. To re-establish a bond. I am going to help you reestablish, kind and compassionate.” That’s a big thing too, especially when we’re dealing with inflammation, autoimmunity, it’s all about hostility. It’s cellular hostility, that’s what’s going on at the cellular level. There’s a root to that too, or a component I should say to that, that is emotional hostility. That is because the communication we typically do have with our bodies and with our world is judgment… Harsh, critical judgment.

You’re not doing this good enough, you’re not doing enough. You need to do more. You did it too slow, you did it too fast, you waited too long, you waited too short. Whatever it is, it’s never good enough. To start to tune into that is fucking eyeopening where you’re like, “Holy shit! I am so mean to myself.” I always ask the question, “If you wouldn’t talk to your best friend or your child or your spouse that way, then you sure as fuck shouldn’t talk to yourself like that.” Sorry, I’m dropping the F bomb a lot today. It’s amazing how mean and critical we are to ourselves, to our bodies when we look in the mirror. Try this for an example of look in the mirror first thing in the morning and compliment yourself instead of criticizing yourself. Put on a piece of clothing, compliment yourself instead of criticizing yourself. Eat something. Compliment your choice instead of criticizing your choice. Big. It’s big.

I’m going to help you re-establish, kind and compassionate communication with your body. That is what I do. In a nutshell, that is my job. That is my job. From your cells on up, your healing depends on it. Now this book is really geared at autoimmune and inflammatory conditions, “Remember, autoimmune disease is a result of confusion and miscommunication in the body. Something that was once identified as being part of you is now being perceived as something that is foreign and needs to be rejected.” So where on that root level, in that belief, in this conversation up here, where are you rejecting yourself? Where are you rejecting hope? Where are you rejecting possibility? Where are you rejecting your potential?

Then I go on to do some anecdotal stuff. When I tell a story about a client and what I come down to, I boil it down and I say, “Her brain was saying, ‘I don’t like myself or who I have become. I don’t know who I am anymore’. Misidentification. Communication has been lost. Tuning back in to who you are, to what you’ve become, knowing you now, versus holding onto this past version or past experience of yourself or past experience of your life. I think Joe Dispenza says it best of like, “In order to change the trajectory of our future, we have to change how we react. Our reactions are based on our past experiences.” It’s almost like you have to make a choice and say, “My past doesn’t have to be dragged into my future or my present. That was my past. From here on out, I’m going to choose a different way.”

We’re human. We’re all going to have our setbacks and our critical judgements of ourselves. I’m not asking for perfection. 60/40 rule, 70/30 where we’re more compassionate and kind, and 30% where we’re less… that’s winning. 60/40 even is winning. Choosing, “Oh, I’m reacting because that’s what’s happened to me in the past.” Okay, but that doesn’t have to be my present or my future. Right here, right now, I actually have the choice. Which direction do I want to go? That’s beliefs. First, you have to identify that you’re making the choice. First, you have to identify that you’re reacting to your past. First, you have to identify that you are in judgment, in criticism of yourself in beliefs that don’t serve you.

Are you disconnected from you? Do you feel like you don’t even know who you are anymore? Do you constantly judge, blame, feel angry at yourself in your mind? Are you still lamenting a decision that you made days, months, or even years ago? Are you not pleased with yourself for the current state of your life? Do you no longer like who you see in the mirror? That breaks my heart. Do you feel like you are an outdated version of someone you once knew? They’re deep questions guys, and it’s not something we solve overnight, which is why it’s so much easier to just do the diet and the supplements because this shit is deep and it’s real and it is unpacking things that we don’t want to look at. We just want to go about our day, not think about it. No, thank you. Just blame our age and blame our genetics and blame somebody who took something from us.

I’m not saying that’s all we do, but looking at our lives honestly and taking responsibility where responsibility is necessary to be taken. We all play a role in where our life is and how our life is turning out. How willing are we to look at that? That’s not easy. I’m by no means an expert at it. I learn and I share my stories throughout this book of my learning process and I have my moments. “There are two ways to disconnect or separate from unwanted parts of yourself. You disconnect either with love or with hate. When you separate from unwanted parts of yourself with hate, that’s what I call hostile disconnect. Hostile disconnect is a state of angry self-rejection where you tend to be very unkind to yourself and to your body. For example, by abusing your body with alcohol, overeating, not exercising, ignoring unpleasant feelings, rage, unhappiness, sadness, grief. Hostile disconnect creates the breeding ground for autoimmunity and inflammation.

On the contrary, when you disconnect from unwanted parts of yourself with love, it’s kind disconnect. It’s just that, kindly deciding to let go of parts of you that no longer serve you. When you disconnect with kindness, you are choosing to nourish your body, mind, and soul by listening to its cues, by making a choice, it’s just like ending a relationship. You change the course of the next phase of your life by listening and kindly saying, ‘That serves me. That doesn’t anymore’. You might be ending a relationship because it gives you more pain than joy. Leaving a job where the environment is toxic or giving away the skinny jeans from college that haven’t fit you in 15 years. How do you know if you have hostile or kind disconnect? The best way to tell is to look at how you view others, how you interact with your environment and how you treat your body. The actions you are taking regarding these three categories are a reflection of how you feel about yourself.”

Then I go into, and I say very clearly, “I’m not here to judge you or have you bring judgment upon yourself. Rather, I’m here to bring awareness to how you are being kind or hostile to yourself, your environment, and your body. It is in this awareness that you can transform. When you reconnect to the truth that lives within you, you can begin to live from a place of self-love, compassion, and kindness.” I love that, “When you reconnect to the truth that lives within you, you can begin to live from a place of self-love, compassion, and kindness.” I want that as a quote. My team is watching, I want that as a quote. I’m going to write it here… Page 39, quote, Body Belief. It’s a beautiful quote.

Appreciate your giving language to articulate the experience of hostile disconnect and differentiating between hostile and kind. Well, thank you. The best part about me writing books is my editor, who I’ve had forever and she is also a licensed psychotherapist. She… How would I say… She really helps me with my language and how I depict things and how I break them down. She’s also been a client of mine for two decades. Could I please repeat the quote? Of course, I can. “When you reconnect to the truth that lives within you, you can begin to live from a place of self-love, compassion, and kindness.” If you are feeling defensive right now or concerned about your connection with yourself, that’s totally normal. Many of us are disconnected from the core of who we are and how we really feel. In today’s world it’s fairly easy to disconnect. The media, our cell phones, Instagram, TikTok, right? In order to get through the day emotionally intact you may have learned to live more in your head and less in your body.

Maybe your job is hardened, you some or the noise in the city you live has attached you from being present or the home you were raised in wasn’t very connected. You don’t learn in those skills. It’s about relearning and it’s about, again, meeting yourself with kindness. I think forgiveness is a huge piece too of like, “Okay, that’s how I was then and I’m not like that anymore and I can forgive that part of myself. I can forgive that judgment that I have.” Then I have some exercises in here. One of my favorite is the instant reconnect, which you can get the book. Then I have some mindfulness exercises in here. I have tool number one, sitting and breathing. I have some Pranayama yoga breathing exercises in here. I have another tool listening and taking notes, which is one of my favorites. Just writing down judgments, every day.

They say that we have 50,000 thoughts a day and 90% of them are the same. You’ll start to see your trends if you just keep a week’s worth of notes on the thoughts and the beliefs that you have. Then another exercise, say something kind to yourself. “This process should be a slow and steady one. It’s not a switch you can flip from off to on. Be kind to yourself in the unfolding of your reconnection. All I ask of you is to take time to breathe more. Listen to that conversation in your head. Take a few moments each day to use one of these tools. Be patient with yourself. Chances are you are not going to like all the things you hear in the privacy of your own mind. You might not see the connection between your thoughts and your physical symptoms, but I know you will begin to. Hang tight and be more of a cheerleader for yourself and not if you succeed at that, even just 70 to 80% of the time, you are making some amazing progress.”

Then I head into chapter five. There you have it. You guys don’t have this book. As you can see, I think it’s gorgeous. It’s not one of my best selling books because I am known as a fertility expert and this isn’t specific to fertility, but it really does help many of my fertility clients and any of my programs are really based in the premise of what I developed when writing this book and Yes, You Can Get Pregnant. So much of the inner work is broken down in Body Belief. If you feel intrigued, that’s on audio. It’s my only book on audio, so if you like my voice, that’s another way to listen to it. Hoping to get Yes, You Can Get Pregnant on audio soon too. Egg Quality Diet is pointless to be on audio I think because it’s so much of meal plans. There’s videos that go with the book with Egg Quality Diet. There’s a lot of videos on the resources page where you get my voice and you get my nitty gritty details.

Anyway, if you don’t yet have this book and now you feel intrigued, go get a copy. If you do have this book and you love it, please leave a review. That’s what helps me reach more people and serve. That is my mission in life is to serve you guys. Thank you for writing all these books. I’m still reading Yes, You Can Get Pregnant. Well, thank you for allowing me into your life and into your journey and for reading anything I’ve put out. I put out a shit ton of information. I know it’s a lot to consume, but my work is very rooted in service and very rooted in helping us all step into our power and be better versions of ourselves and help us advocate for ourselves.

I really feel that. I am part of the system, so I don’t mean to sound hypercritical, but I really feel like the medical system fails many of us on many levels. Mainly it fails us by actually not individualizing treatment, by not individualizing care and by not looking at the emotional component. We have to seek that out. We have to seek out mental health support and oftentimes pay out of pocket for it. The system really compartmentalizes us, especially women trying to conceive. It’s just like you were put into one of two categories: you’re too old or your eggs are all bad. No one talks to you about sperm. No one talks to you about inflammation. No one talks you about autoimmunity. No one talks to you about the things you can do to improve. No one talks to you about like, “Oh, let’s look inside the uterus. Let’s see if there’s fibroids?” “Oh no, you’re just in perimenopause.” What the fuck is that?

I can go on and on and on. The deepest part of my work is service and education and empowerment. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. I will see you guys next week and also later this evening, 6:30 PM Eastern Time, I am doing a live Story of Hope with Alexandra Baxmeyer of Bringing Home Baby Bax. If you guys know her, she’s been in the trying to conceive journey or on the journey for many years and has finally achieved success. We’re going to talk about the work her and I did together and what was the turning point for her to actually, now she’s more than or just about halfway through a pregnancy with a very healthy child inside her belly for the very first time. It’s beautiful.

Yeah, bio-individuality it’s very important. I see that in my work. I can have a 43 year old with better estrogen and progesterone levels than a 33 year old. IVF is a great example where you can have a 33 year old does great on 450 Gonal F, and you can have another one that it just totally crashes her ovaries right and kills her egg quality. It’s really about our individuality.

Okay, I’m going to go because I got work to do. For those of you that are doing my Fertility Reboot, I’ll see you guys in an hour at 2:00 PM for our call number three. We’re going to get into our why behind our purpose and our intention and what it is our goals are. For the Reboot girls, I’ll see you there. Okay, chow.

END TRANSCRIPT.

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