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Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed While #TTC

This journey is SO hard. It feels like no one understands what you’re going through and it’s SO much to process. Watch this video to learn how to gather the right support. 

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Disclaimer: Please keep in mind that I am not a medical doctor. I have been a practitioner of Traditional Chinese Medicine for over 17 years and I will be speaking from my clinical experience helping thousands of women conceive. The office of Aimee E. Raupp, M.S., L.Ac and Aimee Raupp Wellness & Fertility Centers and all personnel associated with the practice do not use social media to convey medical advice. This video will be posted to Aimee’s channels to educate and inspire others on the fertility journey.


Hi, I'm here again live today, so happy to be here as always. I am Aimee of aimeeraupp.com and I get to come to you live as often as I want, which is amazing. I was just live earlier doing one of my fertility hot seats, which are a tremendously huge hit. If you don't know what they are, you should scroll through my feed and check one out. It's where I give a free fertility consultation to a woman on the trying-to-conceive path.

I do that from my 20 years of clinical experience, from my experience writing the books behind me. Two of my books are bestsellers in women's health and fertility. I have helped thousands of women all over the world reach their dream of motherhood, or at the very least I've helped them come back home to their bodies, learn how to nourish themselves mentally, emotionally, physically, and nutritionally, learn how to access more joy in their life and yeah, bring them home.

That's really my goal, is to help women and their partners, whatever kind of partnership they're in, or if they're not in a partnership, help them mother themselves, help them learn to love themselves, accept their bodies, forgive their bodies, grieve the process, learn how to understand their bodies, learn how to better support their bodies.

Learn what's the right food and the wrong food, what's the right supplement and the wrong supplement, what are the right relationships and the wrong relationships. All the things, because as I always say, fertility is an extension of health, and health is mental, it's emotional, it's physical, it's nutritional. You cannot outsupplement a crappy diet or lifestyle or mindset.

You could take all the CoQ10 in the world, but if you're not addressing the other aspects of your life or healing your gut and reducing inflammation, managing emotional inflammation, managing your stress levels, managing your interactions in the world, you probably won't have a major impact on your fertility. Today's conversation is a really important one. I mean, obviously, I think a lot of what I talk about is important and I again have been doing this a long time.

I think there are so many layers to dare I say this fertility journey. I don't love that word either or that description, but I think that's what this is. It is a journey. It is a path. You are in a club that you never wanted to belong to and you are now here. The topic I want to talk about today is feeling alone and overwhelmed while trying to conceive. How many? How many feel alone? How many feel overwhelmed? Give me a thumbs up, a heart, a wave.

How many of you understand that feeling? How many of you feel left out of birthday parties and play dates and mother conversations? Yeah. Someone just said, “Definitely.” And a heart, thank you, Gina Marie. How many of you feel like you're not understood or you're being left out? How many of you feel like your fertility process is a full-time fricking job on top of the other full-time job you have?

If you are in a partnership, on top of that full-time job, and if you have previous children, on top of that full-time job. How many of you don't feel understood? You don't feel seen, you don't feel heard, you don't feel supported. Then when you log onto some of your communities or follow some of the people you follow on social media, or you quickly google something like, how much CoQ10 should I take for egg quality? Then you feel overwhelmed by the information.

Is this a trusted source? Do they really know what they're talking about? That's I think where I come in and my favorite part of my job. I've been talking a lot lately about how I have read all of the bestselling books that are out there on women's health and fertility and a lot of the authors are actually colleagues or friends of mine.

One thing I think is important, whose information you decide to follow is, who is a clinician that is actually seeing people, patients live, coaching live with people, actually working with real humans on a regular basis and seeing the ins and outs of what they're recommending and how it is impacting them? I think that's a really important thing to think about and to take away because I am also a research nerd and I can get really lost in the data and the details.

But sometimes what's in the data and the details doesn't totally line up within the clinical setting or what I see manifest when I make certain recommendations to people. It's like the overwhelm is one piece, the feeling lonely and misunderstood is another piece. How can you solve for that, I guess is the question. Where can you go? Who can you trust? I know a lot of you have found your communities online and it's amazing.

You go to your certain groups, you can post questions, you feel supported. I'm in a lot of those groups and I do see too, it's a lot of personal feedback, right? Which is always valuable, I think, and we learn so much from other people's experiences and we can really feel at home with others who understand us, who also feel left out, who also feel confused or overwhelmed or misunderstood on their journey or angry or in grief or resentment or shame.

I always say sharing does lift the shame. I think there's such an important piece to those communities or those friendships that you have built. I also think there's a time and a place and there's … Not a time and a place. We can't always control for who is in those groups and the reactions of other people. How do we protect ourselves from energy we don't want?

Even from another woman who is on the path, who is trying to also conceive, but maybe she's managing her emotions differently than you do. How do you kind of discern that? How do you separate from that? How do you protect yourself from that? Because that can often be really hard too. “I hate getting that knot in my stomach when I see someone sharing their joy. I don't want to be that bitter person.” I hear you Gina.

I have had so many women that have been there and I have seen it. After my miscarriage for a while, when the babies were born around the time that mine should have been born, I would go there at moments where it's like, “Ah, I would have a baby right now too.” What I tried to do, which maybe is denial on some level too, is instead throw myself into love, though that's what I've learned over the years from watching my patients. I don't know that the walls serve us. They can set us back.

From a Chinese medicine perspective, we start to disconnect between our heart and our uterus. That communication is really important to allow us to receive all that we are worthy of, all that we desire in our worlds, in our life. I think it can become more about, “I don't know her story. Maybe she did struggle to create this child. She doesn't know my story unless I share it.” We can't assume that people know how we feel and we can't make assumptions for what their path was.

Instead, what we could do, and I talk about this in my book, Yes, You Can Get Pregnant, is start to celebrate the fertility that is around us versus use it as a reminder that it's something we don't have, because if you are here and if you have been following me, if you've read some of my books, if you use this community as a way to lift you up, it does mean that in your heart, you do have hope. Whether or not that hope is fully present all the time, I don't give a shit.

You know what I mean? You do have it. You do believe that your child is going to come. Also, my spiritual teacher would say, “When you feel that sadness or that grief or feeling left out or feeling lonely, it's because you're not fully aligned yet with your truth.”

By that, I mean that you're not fully experiencing everything you know that will be yours, and so you do feel a disconnect from what you know is your truth, which is becoming a mother, which is being a part of those play dates and those birthday parties and the joy that people share on social.

How many of my girls are like, “Oh, I can't go on Facebook because I can't see another person from my high school with another one of their freaking family photos of all four of them in like Maine. Yadi yada.” It's like that comparison is the root of all suffering. Instead, it could just be, “I don't know her story and actually she doesn't know mine or they don't know mine.” If they did, maybe there would be some compassion.

I do encourage women to share their stories when they feel right about doing that in their settings. I just had a patient who's actually … She's been through, I think, six losses at this point and just a hell of a ride, a hell of a ride. For the first time ever, she opened up to like three of her closest friends about what she's been going through because she's young and either her friends are still single or they're not having any hard times getting pregnant.

She said to me, she's like, “I can't believe it took me that long to open up and share.” She's like, “I just felt normal. I felt so supported and understood and heard.” She said that, “I now realize I wasn't letting myself receive support because I had so much shame about sharing my story.” Sharing lifts the shame. Yeah. So encouraging to be reminded that just being here on this post shows our hope, that's it. Can that be enough? Right?

You're in a community. Can that be enough? Can you just showing up for yourself and taking your vitamins every day and drinking your bone broth and getting your sleep, doing your things, can that be enough of a manifestation of your hope, right? Or representation of your hope, can that be enough?

I also have a great community of women that I've got to curate over the years in my, Yes, You Can Get Pregnant eCourse community, which someone randomly watching live right now is going to win a scholarship to in the next 10 or so minutes, just so you know. Just so you know I'm going to pick one of you guys to win a scholarship to my Yes, You Can Get Pregnant eCourse, which the doors have officially opened for enrollment. We only open it once a year.

What I want to talk about is the community that my team and I have curated, that really the girls in my community have curated. I get so emotional when I talk about this community because I always say next to my child, it's the best thing I've ever created. Watching these women come in and support each other and cheer each other on, in this beautiful non-judgmental way it's so feeding, like you just said, Ivy F. Eksomatika.

I think that's Greek, isn't it? Ekso. Yeah. Somatiki, is that how I said? It's so feeding for me. It's so feeding for them. What we try to do in our online community, I mean, first it's highly curated, right? I mean, you have to be a member of the eCourse to join. We're all kind of in this together. We've invested in ourselves. We're investing our time and our energy in bettering ourselves. We're looking at all aspects of health. We're doing the course together.

I also come live every single week and answer questions, every single week without fail. Maybe I miss one or two weeks ever a year and it's usually holidays or a really bad cold or something. I just hold women up. I was just in there for an hour just before I came live here and some of them were asking things like, “My IUI didn't work or I have cysts, or I've got no PGS normal this round, or my husband and I had a fight. He says he doesn't want a baby now. How much liver pills do I need to take? How much CoQ10? Do I need DHEA?”

I answer anything and everything and we just talk. I share inspiring stories from the clinic, but they come in and support each other too in this very loving and kind way. They cheer each other on in this way that I don't know we always can. It's a sisterhood because you know that she gets you, she knows you, and when she gets pregnant and you didn't, you are so happy for her because she's one of you. She's one of your tribe.

You guys are all doing the same thing and cheering each other on. It's just a glorious, lovely community that these women get it. They get how to support each other. I give my team and I a huge credit there too, that we've curated a community where you're allowed to come and whine and bitch be mad and feel sad and share all of that, but we work on solutions. Like we hear, we sit, we grieve, we hold, we cry, we hope.

We do all of that together and then we just shift our focus. I always come back to it too, and I think this is a big takeaway for all of you guys, if like the just being here is hope enough, but also, are you walking away or are you still here? Because you're still here, so that means you're still in it. You might not be having a huge zest for life right now, or a huge zest for the next round of fertility treatments after another one was unsuccessful or super excited for more dietary changes or anything.

You might not have that zest, but the truth is, is you are still searching. You are still seeking. You are still trying to find what works for you because you do have a deeper sense. If you saw my hot seat earlier today, so the woman said, she was like, “I'm doing all the things and now I know I need to come up with a plan. What are the next things?” I helped her figure out the next detective work that she can do, what are her plans?

She won't get that online in some forum. She might. It might take a while and it might have to piece it all together and she might get overwhelmed like, “Who do I trust? Who do I know?” She got to come to me and ask a woman with 20 years' experience, who's helped lots and lots of women figure this shit out. She felt vulnerable and safe to share with me, live on Instagram in front of almost 20,000 followers, which is amazing.

I'm very proud of her, but her sharing has helped lift shame for all of you. It's like sharing is scary as fuck, excuse my language, but it does help lift the shame, but then even more sharing in the community where you feel safe and you're not going to feel judged, whew.

Then sharing in a community where you not just get the advice of all of these women who have been through combined hundreds of thousands of fertility treatments and thousands of different doctors and thousands of different protocols, but me who is also seen all of that and is up on the latest research and how to bring it all together to help you figure out the best steps forward for you, and all the while feeling supported and love because this journey is lonely.

It is hard. I think as social media grows, as more and more coaches come on and women … And I love it. I support all of it. Women who've gone through fertility journeys and then want to go out and share their story and help other women figure out their process. I think it's so important, but it does also start to get confusing of like, “Who do I go to? Who do I trust for this information? Is this person a clinician? Are they seeing clients day in and day out?

Are they medically trained? Are they looking at the research? Do they have two decades of experience behind them where they can actually offer solid, grounded, rooted in science advice, plus the spiritual emotional piece?” Which is just tremendous, Plus this community of women. I encourage all of you to find your tribe and a trusted tribe. One that doesn't shame you or judge you, or put you in a corner or make you feel more fear and less hope.

You want to find a tribe that is in it with you cheering you on, where you feel understood, you feel heard, you feel seen and that you can begin to shift the anger and resentment that you have towards other women or families or couples who have what you want. Instead, start to see like, “Okay. I have all these things in my life or I'm taking back the power of my life in this way and this way and I'm feeling better in this regard, in this regard.”

Just working through all of that and getting the right support and guidance is just such an important piece to this puzzle, you guys. “However, you help make this journey easier, Aimee,” oh, you're saying. “I can a hundred percent say I felt this way until I found you and joined your eCourse community.” Thank you, Laura. “I made friends from The Egg Quality Diet we did back in April. We keep in touch on WhatsApp in a group chat and encourage each other, always referring back to what you have taught us and the new things we learn from you as we go along.”

Oh, thank you, Nikki. Yeah. I mean, I'm honored to be a part of that journey with you guys. I think up until I had my miscarriage and then have since been navigating what's next for me in growing my family and what's next for my family and growing our family, I always understood you guys. I always came at it from a very medical and clinical perspective. I did get pregnant in my 40s with James. It was super easy.

I know some of you resented me for that. I do always practice what I preach so I do think I'm living proof of fertility in your 40s. But then going through the miscarriage and since figuring it all out and what's next and my own fertility journey, I see even more and understand even more the importance of community and the importance of being held and heard and seen and not judged, and the importance of sharing. I was ashamed when I had a miscarriage.

I was deeply, deeply ashamed. I felt like I was a failure, like I didn't know what I was talking about. How could this woman, who is a fertility expert go on and have a miscarriage? Deeply ashamed. A dear friend of mine who is a big spiritual guru and adviser encouraged me to share my story.

Never was I in the position to be so vulnerable as I was in sharing that story, and since, and what I saw was just this outpouring of love and support from a community that I had the honor of helping create and then to put myself in that receiving mode, it was amazing. It was incredible. It was deeply, deeply healing. I want that for all of you. There's also research that shows women in support groups are twice as likely to get pregnant in comparison to those who are not.

I don't think you can just sign up for the support group and then expect to get pregnant, whatever, twice as fast as some woman who didn't click the join now button. But you got to show up, man. You got to share your shit. You got to get in there, dig deep, peel back the layers, be vulnerable, share, listen, listen to others, hear what they are saying, hear what they are going through, be there for them and let them be there for you.

That's what I've had the honor of creating in my, Yes, You Can Get Pregnant eCourse community. Those girls hold me up some days. They really do. You guys don't always see that, because it's not a public community. It's a private community. You have to be a member, like I said, to be a part of it, but it's a beautiful community that I'm highly protective of.

We are women from all over the world, who some of us will never meet in the flesh, but we are sisters. We are a tribe. I want that for all of you guys too. You deserve a community like that. I never kick anybody out. The course never ends. If you're still in the course next year and I revamp it, you get the whole access to it again. You get discounts to all my other courses. They're like my close-knit tribe. They never get kicked out.

When you get pregnant, we move you to a new mama group, but you can still stay in the eCourse group and become what I call my TAs. They're like my teachers' assistants. They help cheer other people on, support each other honestly, share, cry, laugh with others. We are a sisterhood. We truly are. We truly are a sisterhood. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I just wanted to come to you today and talk to you about what I think is important pieces.

You can read all the books, you can take all the supplements, you can do the diet and a lot of you are self-starters and you can buy my books and you can dive right into The Egg Quality Diet and the Yes, You Can Get Pregnant protocol and do all the things and watch all the videos and piece it all together.

Amazing. Amazing for you, but you can be missing pieces of that puzzle, which is, I think the community support, the fine-tuning, the bouncing ideas off of each other, the knowing that you are understood and heard. That's what I do offer in my Yes, You Can Get Pregnant eCourse community. I welcome you to go over and check out the eCourse itself. It's aimeeraupp.com/yes, and see all that I offer.

I revamp the course every year. This year I'm gutting it. Completely revamping it. I'm actually going to teach it brand new over the next 10 weeks. I'm going to teach 75-minute sessions, 10 75-minute sessions, it's about 12 and a half hours of content. The latest, greatest details on all things diet, supplements, spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, lifestyle, you name it.

Then we have our private online community where you get to share with others and then be supported by me weekly in our Q&As. Yeah. It's awesome. We surveyed our 2021 … Or sorry, our 2020 eCourse students, and so many of them said like, “Invaluable information, Aimee's always up to date. She's [inaudible 00:24:25]. She's such a supportive clinician and knows what works from a clinical perspective.” Which is really different than a textbook perspective, than a research perspective.

It's really quite different, but the number one thing that everybody always says when we survey them, “What's your favorite part of the, Yes, You Can Get Pregnant eCourse?” It's the community. It's the women in that community. It's the sisterhood. It's the tribe. Some of these girls are best friends. They talk on the phone every week. They support each other through sonograms, through births, through breastfeeding, through miscarriages, through failed treatments, failed transfers.

Yeah. It's one of my favorite places to be. I'd love to see you all there. Head over to aimeeraupp.com/yes. Check out the program. If you signed up for the Seven Ways to Better Quality Eggs course, then I did a live Q&A last night where there are some promo codes to join the eCourse. They are found in the video or get on that email list and maybe you'll see the promo codes. They expire by 9:00 PM Eastern Time tonight.

I'm going to be doing fertility hot seats the next several days. If you get chosen to join me live, you will get a $200 discount to the eCourse. If you filled out the scholarship application, I am dropping scholarship winners all week long, but if you don't get picked, make sure you check your inbox because you have a very special promo code for $300 off the eCourse, if you don't get picked.

The scholarship applications have now been closed. They closed yesterday. We had over a hundred applications. Keep that in mind. If you don't get chosen, we are still giving you as much of a discount as we can to try to make it feasible. There are payment plans. There are all sorts of things. “Hope to get chosen.” Yes. Let's just see. I just want to see Facebook here. You guys are so great. “The program sounds great. Being a part of a tribe is so important.”

I couldn't agree more. “I'm reading Body Belief now, and right now seeing Heather she's a godsent.” I agree. “Enroll in the eCourse. I'm currently on the egg quality diet and joined Egg Quality Diet private Facebook page. It's been great.” Oh, good. “Support through everything.” You guys are amazing. “The winners from the forum have already been announced as well. The winners from the forum have already been announced as well.”

I don't know what that means, but the scholarship winners. That's what you mean, right? They were announced in the Q&A last night. That's right. Everybody else who filled out the form and didn't get chosen, you have a very large discount code sitting in your inbox. Use it, check it out, go to aimeeraupp.com/yes. Yeah. I'm going to pick you Ivy F. Eksomatiki.

I'm going to give you the scholarship today to the Yes, You Can Get Pregnant eCourse, so just DM me. Private message me on the back end and my team will get you hooked up with your free access to our Yes, You Can Get Pregnant eCourse. I just did office hours for this week, but I'll see you there next week. Okay? Honored to choose you. Thank you for just engaging as much as you have. Yeah.

I'm going to be giving scholarships away all week, so make sure you're tuning in live. You can only get picked when you're live and then the hot seats I'm going to be giving promo codes. If you filled out the scholarship application, there's a promo code. If you watched the Egg Quality course, the Seven Ways to Better Quality Eggs, and you have the Q&A replays sitting in your inbox, watch it because there's a promo code that I announced during that.

I'm trying to give you guys discounts, take advantage of them. Most women who have joined the course, there's very few who don't say this, it's the best investment I've ever made in myself. The community is one of the best things that I've ever been a part of. Yeah. We have a really high success rate of pregnancies. We're averaging a little over 10 a month right now in 2021. Just fucking insane.

Those are a mix between coaching clients and … Well, most coaching clients are eCourse students, but in our private coaching community. Yeah. We're doing it. We're making it work. I still come back to that of again, reading all of these books out there and the current research. I think what separates me in the knowing is, A, that I'm a woman. I understand these things and I've been on this path for 20 years and I've helped so many women, but, B, that I'm a clinician.

Real-time, seeing patients, hearing stories, putting it all together, being a detective, helping you figure it out and really understanding like, yeah, sure, some women do great on 600 milligrams of CoQ10, but not everybody. Some women do great on DHEA, but not everybody, so we can't make these blanket recommendations. They could actually do more harm than good.

So understanding what the patient needs based on the patient presentation, and then also understanding the importance of community and support and feeling heard and feeling seen. Okay guys, I'm going to go. So honored. Well, we're honored to have you, oh, you were crying. You're so sweet. Yeah. We picked you. That's it. Okay. I'll see you guys later. I'm going to be live again tomorrow doing another hot seat. I have a couple of stories of hope today.

Two women that I've worked with that have gone on to bring their baby home. You are so welcome. Let's see, tomorrow I have … Let's see. Today, tomorrow. Tomorrow I have a hot seat. I have one, two. One live, another story of hope. Saturday, a hot seat, another story of hope. Sunday, a hot seat, another story of hope, and then a Q&A on the fertility clinic website or their Instagram feed that I work with.

Monday I have one, two stories of hope and another hot seat. Stay tuned in because we will be giving away more scholarships all weekend and into Monday. Enrollment for the eCourse closes on Monday. Even if you're on the fence or you've already signed up for other courses, just go check it out, see what we have to offer. It's pretty in-depth, pretty detailed. I'm very proud of the program.

I created it and I'm very proud of how I constantly am tweaking it and making it better and better to better serve all of you and constantly applying the latest and greatest knowledge that I have accumulated. Thank you guys. I love you guys. All right. Have a wonderful day. Yeah. I will see you back here at … What's today? 2:45 for another story of hope. Then at 7:30 PM as well.

Ciao for now. Congratulations Ivy F. Eksomatiki. Can't wait to see you in the group. Bye, guys.


VISIT MY WEBSITE: Aimee Raupp is a licensed herbalist, natural fertility expert and acupuncturist in NYC, offering natural fertility treatment, care & coaching solutions to women who want to get pregnant! Aimeeraupp.com

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About Aimee Raupp, MS, LAc

Aimee Raupp, MS, LAc, is a renowned women’s health & wellness expert and the best- selling author of the books Chill Out & Get Healthy, Yes, You Can Get Pregnant, and Body Belief. A licensed acupuncturist and herbalist in private practice in New York, she holds a Master of Science degree in Traditional Oriental Medicine from the Pacific College of Oriental Medicine and a Bachelor’s degree in biology from Rutgers University. Aimee is also the founder of the Aimee Raupp Beauty line of hand-crafted, organic skincare products. This article was reviewed AimeeRaupp.com's editorial team and is in compliance with our editorial policy.


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