Last Thursday we talked a lot about emotional inflammation. That brought something up that I really want to unpack deeper with you… can hope and fear coexist?
In this video, I talk through two things being true at once while you navigate the fertility journey.
Comment below with your thoughts!
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Hello, everyone. How are you? Hi. How is everyone? It is good to be here with you today. We are going to talk about hope and fear while trying to conceive, hope and fear while growing your family, hope and fear while going through the fertility journey, which is not easy.
It’s hard. It sucks. It’s challenging. It’s annoying. It’s far too long for so many of you, for all of you. Anyone who wants something and is having a hard time getting it, it is too long, so welcome.
I know we’re getting new followers constantly. I am Aimee of aimeeraupp.com. I am a women’s health and fertility guru, detective, bestselling author in the space of women’s health and fertility. My basic job is, how I see my job, I help women step into their true power, and for a lot of you, that is taking back the power over your health and your fertility, but you get other benefits as well, right? Your whole life changes, and it’s a beautiful thing to witness, so I thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of your journey.
Last week on my live, we were talking about, it was like endometriosis part two, but it was really all about what I call emotional inflammation and something I’ve been talking about for a very long time. The number one thing that drew me to Chinese medicine 20 some odd years ago when I was a medical school dropout was the fact that Chinese medicine actually looked at the emotional component to disease, and disease is just disharmony in the body, things not in homeostasis the way that it should be, things not in balance, and so things in discomfort, things that are out of whack. I remember being very frustrated from the Western medical perspective, that emotions weren’t being looked at, and so I love that about Chinese medicine, and that we always see this component. I just got off my office hours or my live Q&A that I do every single week in my private community and all my Yes, You Can Get Pregnant E-Course students, and there was a handful of questions of like, “Oh, I’m doing the diet,” and, “This thing isn’t changing,” or, “This thing isn’t changing, I feel frustrated,” or, “This is still going on in my body, and I’m doing all the things,” and gentle reminders though, of looking at the emotional piece to all the things, because often … Let’s get into it. The topic of today’s conversation is, is fear and hope, and can they coexist?
Can I have them at the same time and still achieve my goals, because the world of self-help out there, the toxic positive world is telling us, “No, you can’t have fear. You can only have hope, and if you don’t have hope, you can’t get your baby,” and I think that’s bullshit and I think that’s really unfair, and I think that’s inhuman to expect that of us, and I think it’s dismissive of our feelings. That isn’t okay. We’re allowed to feel all the things, so just to start it off right away, yes, hope and fear can coexist, and yes, you can still get your baby if you still have fear, but what is fear? Fear is …
What does fear do to us, I guess? Fear is a normal emotion, right? Fear is, we’re afraid to fail. We’re afraid to not achieve what it is we want. We’re scared to continue to show up and get the same results we’ve always been getting, and so fear can paralyze us.
Fear can also put us into perfection mode, which is this kind of saying … It’s a great defense mechanism. It’s a great, I think trauma recovery, or trauma response is what I mean to say. I was going to say I am a recovering perfectionist and still have my tendencies for certain, that if I don’t do it all right, I’m a complete fuckup. That’s basically the story that Aimee was told for many years in the privacy of her own mind, and I no longer feel that way.
I allow myself a lot of grace and what I would consider or call, at some point in my past life fuckups, and that I can recover from them, but perfectionism is a defense mechanism from fear, so if I do it all perfectly, then X, Y and Z should change, and then I should get my end result, and so I’m very aware of that in the work that I do, especially when I’m writing books called The Egg Quality Diet, and I’m putting people on 100-day plan to improve the quality of their eggs, and it’s a strict diet. It’s an elimination diet and it’s, I think it’s challenging, but I think it’s really doable. I think you learn a lot about yourself, but I have to be very conscious, and I was just saying to a client that I was talking to yesterday, who I just saw you join, that she was saying, “If I don’t do it perfectly, am I going to get the same results?,” and I said … I’m still talking about fear here, but I really want to touch on this perfectionism thing because it comes up all the time that you don’t have to be perfect to get pregnant, right? If I don’t do the diet perfectly, can I still get my baby?
Yes. I want you to dive in and show up for yourself in ways that you feel proud. I want that … Brené Brown says healthy striving versus perfectionism, so healthy striving, I’m all for, right? Perfectionism, I usually flag it.
When I see someone overly perfect, knowing my diet better than I do, I get a little concerned where I’m like, “Okay, she’s trying to be perfect because she thinks if she’s perfect, she will get her baby,” and I’d love for that to be the answer. God, I wish I had a wand for all of you guys to just wave it and everybody had their dream baby. I wish to God I had that, and for some reason I don’t. I do believe in magic. I do, and I do believe in miracles, I do, and I do believe in spirit, and I do believe we’re guided and supported, but when I see perfectionism, and I think it’s very rampant, I guess it’s the demographic I work with too, but you guys all go out, you read all the books, you read my books, you read It Starts with the Egg, you read the other books, you’re taking all the things, doing all the things.
Where’s my baby? Doing all the things. Where’s my baby? Then, there’s this crash, because I’m doing all the things, my baby isn’t here, I’m failing, then the fear starts to come up again, right? The fear is there.
How can I have hope and fear at the same time? The definition of hope, what I wanted to pull up for today, a feeling of expectation and desire for certain things to happen, a feeling of trust. A feeling of trust. When we’re in fear, do we have trust? No, but can we have fear and trust?
Can we have darkness and light at the same time? Absolutely. It’s just about who’s winning the battle. I shouldn’t even say the battle. It’s just about who’s leading, and every day, are you coming home to trust or are you letting fear dictate your decisions? “I’m going to be this many years,” or whatever.
“I’m turning this age in this many months,” “I’ve been on the diet for this many days,” “I’m taking this many supplements,” “I’m doing this many things,” and that is a fear mechanism because we’re very focused on the perfectionism. We’re very focused on these things that feel out of our control, and when we are in that fear space, trust isn’t leading, so rather, and I talk about this in Body Belief a lot and just a ton, I feel like these days and for years, and as I’ve done my own spiritual work and continue to constantly work on me, not in a way that I think I’m broken, but in a way that I see my potential and I know my worthiness, and that’s what I want for you guys. That’s a healthy striving, so that the more I continue to dig deep, it’s coming back to this trust piece. Can you have fear? Sure. Absolutely.
How could you not have fear? You’ve been trying for this baby and it’s not working out the way you thought it would, so is fear normal? 100%, right? It’s like it’s 100% normal, so what do you do with the fear? Instead of letting it paralyze you or create stories or let you go down the rabbit hole of Dr. Google and seeing all the forums of all the women, of all the other women that have had the same AMH as yours and the same FSH, or the same age and what doctors did they see, “Oh, this doctor got a bad review,” or, “This is the medicine I should be doing,” not to say that those things aren’t healthy to look at, but are we letting them lead us? Are we letting them dictate how the choices we make, or are we saying, “Okay, the fear is normal”? It’s two different things.
We can let the fear paralyze us, we can let the fear drive us to perfectionism under the notion that, “Oh, if I’m perfect, I won’t get impacted by that thing.” I don’t see that being the case. I don’t see that being the case. I do see women who show up and nourish themselves who get very centered and very heart-driven. I see them be resilient.
It’s not about not being impacted by life and stress and unfairness and things not working out, it’s about resiliency and it’s about worthiness, knowing our worth, knowing our resiliency, so we can let fear paralyze us and strip us of our power. We can let fear paralyze us and convince us that if we’re perfect, then we shouldn’t be impacted by this thing that’s going on that we don’t want, or we can take fear and we can say, “I see you. I see you, and I totally understand why you’re here. You’re here because this is hard. You’re here because I’m scared.”
“You’re here because I’m tired. I’m tired. This has been a long journey. I’m tired.” Just give it some space. Give it some air time.
Acknowledge the fear. Don’t try to correct for it. Don’t try to pretend it’s not there. Don’t try to become something you’re not because fear is in the driver’s seat. Get off the hamster wheel and out of this head, and into your heart.
Fear is here. It’s logical that it’s here. I’d be concerned if you weren’t scared that this couldn’t work out for you. I’d be concerned if you came to me and you were like, “Yeah, I’m on my sixth IVF and I’m so hopeful.” I think there was a disconnect there, right? That’s what fear does to us.
It can numb us. It can disconnect us, and so in Body Belief, I talk a lot about the three pillars to really healing inflammation in the body. Autoimmunity in the body is one of the most important pillars, is about this emotional connection to self. Fear disconnects us. It’s not that we can avoid it or are able to avoid it or should ignore it.
It exists. It is real, but how much power do we give it? I think it’s a good reflection for you to just look through your day and your decisions that you make, or when you’re taking your 10 different supplements, or when you’re calling your doctor, or when you’re waiting for lab results, or when you’re daydreaming about the future. Is fear leading? Is lack of trust leading, and are you gripping tight?
That’s when we know fear is causing harm, and we need to acknowledge it and let it dissolve, but then, in conjunction with hope, right? I tend to like people, I think realistic is a good 60-40, 70-30 gauge to get at, “Could I be 60% hopeful and 40% fearful? Can I allow the fear to be there and not judge it, not let it lead my life, not let it paralyze me, not let it force me into a mode of perfectionism, but can I just say, ‘Yes, this is normal’? The fear I feel is normal because I want this thing, and at this point in time, it hasn’t gone the way I’ve wanted it to,” so me being fearful is normal. Me not having complete trust is normal.
There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not going to manifest bad things in your life if you don’t have complete trust, if you have some fear. It’s okay to have fear. I want you all hand on our hearts right now, talking to yourself, “I see you. I feel you.”
“It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to have moments where you don’t trust this process. It’s okay to have fear. You’re okay. I love all the parts of me. I love all of my parts.”
Then, on the other side, hope, right? Hope is trust. One thing I say often, and so you’ve probably heard me say it before is, if you are here, that’s hope enough, if you’re listening, you’re tuning in, this story is speaking to you, this story, this whatever I’m doing, this video is speaking to you, you still try every month, you’re still on the path to discovering, you’re still daydreaming about your family growing the way you want it to, that is hope enough. Hope does not have to be positive mantras all day long all the time. Hope does not have to be convincing yourself to have hope.
I think hope is just showing up for yourself. It’s very simple. Hope is when you want something and it’s not working out for you, so I’m talking about you, girls, you girls that are trying to conceive and you’ve been on this journey, and every month is an opportunity to make that baby. Instagram is saying paused due to poor connection. Okay, let’s see.
Are we back, Instagram? We paused. I’m talking to you guys who are trying to conceive, and every month there’s an opportunity, right? Now, there’s hundreds of us out there, hundreds of us coaches out there telling you all these things to do, and there’s books, and there’s resources, and there’s tests, and there’s all these things. Fuck, it’s overwhelming, but hope is just as simple as you showing up every day, you saying, “How can I best support myself today in pursuit of my dreams?”
I also think it’s that part of you that’s like, “Yeah, call me crazy. I feel kind of insane that I’ve been trying to make this baby for this long and I still somewhere deep down feel like it’s going to happen. Call me crazy,” because you’re not crazy, because you have hope, because you trust, but what’s making you feel crazy is you’re doubting your hope and your trust, so I think you just say to both of them, “Hope and fear, trust and mistrust, come on, let’s all be in the party together. It’s okay. Some days I’m going to have this and some days I’m going to have that, and that’s okay, but something in here …” This is hope, guys.
This is hope. “Something in here tells me that I still have a shot at this. Even though my AMH is this and my FSH is this, and this doctor said this to me, and that said blah, blah, blah, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, right? All the things, we have all the things that we can go in and defend. The fact that this doesn’t work for us, it’s not going to work for us, we have all the reasons.
If you look for reasons that this won’t be successful for you, you are absofuckinglutely going to find them. Well, how does that serve you, because are you going to walk away? This is like the big conundrum. You bring it up all the time. I just had a girl who said to me, “I’m thinking about I want to do a fresh transfer.”
I love all of my clients very much so I hope I always come from that place of love. “I’m thinking about doing a fresh transfer. What do you think about that?” “Great idea,” I think, considering her history. I know her history, her case pretty well.
“Great idea. Bring it up with your doctor,” but I also read online that women my age, if they’re going to do fresh transfers, they should transfer at least two embryos, otherwise there’s no point. What’s the point? She’s asked something that’s hopeful, that’s in her heart. She explored something, and then immediately, she’s come at it with, “But these are all the reasons it’ll probably fail.”
“These are all the reasons it’s probably never going to work out,” and I wrote back to her and I said … Let’s see it. Where is it? I wrote back to her and I said … I want to read my word for word because I like it. Why not?
I said, “I feel like that train of thought will paralyze you. Let’s just transfer what we get when we get it. Spending time in the statistics and the what ifs hold you back because the truth is you are here and you want this baby to come through, so if you get one embryo, you’re going to transfer it. If you get two embryos, you’re going to transfer it. Let’s hand this part over,” and she so sweetly wrote back, “Amen. I like that.”
“Thank you.” This part of like the truth is, is you are here and something in your inner knowing, like you said, Joanne, something in your inner knowing is telling you there’s hope, there’s a possibility, so unless you’re choosing to let fear say … Or it might not even be fear. I’ve had patients who hit this inner knowing that is, “I’m done. I’m going to stop trying for the baby. I’m walking away from this,” or, “I’m moving to option B,” “I’m going to move to donor eggs,” or, “I’m going to move to adoption,” or, “I’m moving to surrogate.”
There is nothing wrong with that at all. I support every woman any way they decide to grow their family or they decide to stop trying to grow their family. I am your cheerleader and I love you and I support you, and I always though, want that decision to be coming from here, not from the statistics, not from the numbers, not from a doctor cornering you. What does this feel like to you? It’s that inner knowing, coming back to that, and if your inner knowing right now is saying to you, “I’m still here,” “I’m still open to the possibility,” “I really believe these things are going to …,” “Something’s going to shift,” “Something’s going to happen,” “Call me crazy,” then that’s your hope.
That’s me always thinking negative because of my age, and I get that. That’s that same piece. I get that. I get that. It’s hard.
It’s hard for us to go out and defend ourselves, if you will, but I also think like, “What’s the point?” There’s no need to defend ourselves, right? I was listening to Brené Brown this morning, so she’s top of mind, but Brené Brown said something around like when we go and try to get other people’s approval, right? So like you, if we’re a certain age, if we’re looking for a doctor’s approval of like, “Yeah, you’re still in the game,” we’re giving away our power right there. The second we seek approval of others, we’re giving away our power, so do you approve of yourself wanting this baby at this age?
That’s all that fucking matters. That’s all that matters, and do you approve of your yourself for having the fear and the grief and the sadness and the trauma because what you are going through is really real, but also, on the other side, allowing hope to exist as well. Can they coexist? I think they have to. I think it’s concerning if they don’t.
Yeah, and it’s like when the doctor’s talking about my low AMH, I get really sad. I mean, that makes sense. How do you get clinics not to treat you like statistic? I don’t think you can, so again, you’re giving … I love you, Sunita. I’m not saying you, but I’m saying the second you feel disempowered by that clinic, it’s because you gave him the right to do that.
You said, “Oh, right. He’s right. My AMH is too low. I’m this old. There’s no hope.” Right?
No. You could also, I’ve been saying this a lot to my girls lately, go into that office, call out the elephant in the room, so before they make you feel like a statistic, you say to them, “I understand my age. I understand my numbers. I understand my odds. Just want to have a conversation to see if this is a possibility.”
You call out the elephant in the room. You keep the power in your court. “I am aware. I got this whole other side of me that knows all the things that could go wrong. I function in that, it’s a part of my life, I acknowledge it.”
“Let’s just talk about it.” There is this fear side, sure. There are all these statistics. There’s all these odds. Where they come from, we have no fucking idea to be totally honest, but there’s all these statistics and all these odds, but in here, there’s a desire for a baby.
“Will you help me connect the dots? Why don’t you sit in the driver’s seat? Are you the right doctor for me?,” versus, “I’m so desperate. Will you help me make this baby?” It’s two different approaches there too, so I think when we let fear lead, we give away our power, when we acknowledge fear and just say, “Yeah, it’s totally appropriate to have this fear.”
However, it’s also, in my heart, to pursue this child. I think that too, with all of my clients, no one can guarantee you that baby. I can’t guarantee you that baby. I never want to sound like I can guarantee anybody that baby. I have seen a lot of babies come through, so I feel very optimistic that you too will get yours based on the statistics on my side, but it’s not about guaranteeing the child, it’s about you feeling like you’ve looked under every rock.
It’s about you feeling like you’ve really stood solid by your own side on your own team, that you’ve looked, and you’ve tried, and you’ve discovered, and you’ve uncovered, and you’ve gotten the right support so that you can have peace with however this goes down. You can have peace however this goes down. That’s what you deserve, and that’s allowing hope and fear, I think to coexist because it’s saying, “Yeah, this fear is real.” Some of the fear is unreal. Some of it is we’ve made it up in our head like that.
That email from my patient, she read that on some forum. I’ve heard, right? My age group transferred too. Okay, sure. Someone somewhere said that, but I’ve been doing this work for 20 years.
I mean, you transfer what you get, right? You know what I mean? Like we can’t go into this setting ourselves up for like, “I have to get this many, otherwise it’s a failure.” No. That’s not how it works, and I’ve seen plenty of babies come from one embryo that we get.
I’ve seen plenty of babies come from non-genetically tested embryos, day three embryos that don’t look great. I’ve seen babies come from that, so I think there’s hope. I’ve seen babies come from really low AMH, really high FSH, really women in their … I was going to say really old women, but I’m in that category. Women in their upper 40’s, women diagnosed with premature ovarian failure.
I’ve seen it all. The stats don’t make any sense to me because I’ve seen women defy those stats constantly, so I always say I’m in a very luxurious position because I can have hope, because I have seen hundreds, if not thousands of women defy the odds that were given to them, but the fear is real. It’s just like anything we’re going for that we really want. We’re striving for something, and it might not go down the way we want it to. It often doesn’t.
We often don’t have life work out exactly how we pictured it, and a lot of times it unfolds, and sometimes there’s challenges that are unfolding with it, but a lot of times, it works out better than we ever anticipated it could, so it’s choosing what to do with your fear, not getting rid of your fear. It’s impossible. It’s unrealistic. I remember Deepak Chopra. I heard him speak live once in New York City years ago and he said something about positivity.
He said, “If someone tells you that you shouldn’t have negative thoughts,” he said, “Walk away from that person immediately. Don’t don’t listen to anything else they ever have to say, because it’s unrealistic and it’s unfair to you.” It’s going to make you feel alone and singled out because we all have negative thoughts. We all have fear. We are all scared.
How much power are we going to let it take over our lives? Are we going to let it paralyze us? Are we going to let us drive it into perfectionism, and if everything’s perfect, then I get this thing, or are we going to let it lead us into discovery? Be curious with it. Just acknowledge it.
The fear is normal. You’re going after something that you really want and you’re having a hard time. The fear is normal, but the hope is there too, so allowing them both to coexist. I’m sure I read somewhere that the stats are from really old studies. Yeah, it’s in my book too.
“The original stats about one in three women will have difficulty conceiving. Is that at one in three over the age of 35 come from French birth records from the 1800’s, the time before penicillin and electricity?” Yeah. Kind of fascinating, but it also … That’s the other thing too, of like …
I think I got a little sidetrack talking about the patient where she was like, “Well, I read on this forum women this age have to transfer these two eggs in order to,” and it’s like, “Okay.” Like what are we choosing in too? I think when it comes to fear and our worthiness … This all does come down to our worthiness. When it comes to that, where are my boundaries?
How leaky are my boundaries? We talk about leaky gut a lot. I think we should talk about leaky boundaries too. Like, “Oh, I have boundaries, but when it comes to Dr. Google, I’ve taken all the information. I’m not going to decipher anything.” Right?
No, that’s a leaky boundary. Where are you getting your information from, and is it valid? Does it equate exactly to your life and your circumstances? I’ll tell you right now, it doesn’t because everybody is an individual, and miracles happen all the fucking time, and so stepping back and just like false hope, like … I don’t like to promise false hope. I like to talk about real deal stuff.
This is why I do my stories of hope all the time, and those stories of hope look very different. Every single story is different. Every single patient is different. Every woman’s story is different, and their path to getting to their baby is different, and that’s okay, but false hope isn’t good either. I always think of my spiritual teacher says the universe knows how you feel, not what you say, so false hope of like shoving mantras down your throat, you’re really just suppressing the fear.
Let’s just call the fear out, and if you’re afraid of a doctor or someone making you feel like a statistic, let’s just talk about the elephant in the room. I understand what the statistics that you’re aware of. That’s how I would say it. I understand the statistics that you look at and that you’re aware of. I do.
I get that. Just wondering what you see here. I’ve often thought about telling women if we could, if we weren’t using insurance to just lie about our age and see how differently we’d be treated. I think it’d be fascinating. Let’s see.
I see … Let’s see. “Spirit Baby Meditations. I’ve tried a few. I don’t feel connected to any of them. They move too fast.”
I would just get the book, Spirit Babies or read Nancy Mae’s book, The Energetic Fertility Method, I think, and then pick from there what feels right to you. As my team said, I have done lives with Nancy and with Kelly Meehan. They’re both amazing. You see what works for you, okay, but that’s not really what we’re talking about here today. I want you guys to all just make a promise to me.
I know I’ve been going on now for 30 minutes about this. Just make a promise to me that when the fearful thoughts come up, so just inspect them, and inspect, “How much power am I giving them?” Right? “How much am I letting them lead my life?,” versus, “How much am I letting my heart need? What feels good in here?”
This is hard. This is hard to come home to because often, when there is a lot of trauma or things didn’t go our way, it’s really hard to go to our heart because there’s a lot of grief in there, there’s a lot of sadness, there’s a lot of anxiety. It’s very uncomfortable, but typically, we have to go through the discomfort to get to the other side, so it’s okay. You are safe. It’s what I would remind yourself, “It’s okay,” “I am safe,” “I’m going to tune in here.”
“This feels painful to tune in because I’ve tuned in in the past and I’m scared. I’m scared because I’ve been let down,” right? Never underestimate the power of good, old traditional therapy, trauma therapy. You guys know I’m a fan of EMDR. I’m a fan of tapping.
We have a fertility trauma coach now on our team because I think it’s so important to look at that side of things, but I think it’s also really important to give yourself grace and allow fear and hope to coexist, and know that hope doesn’t have to look, like I always say, like sunshine and rainbows. It doesn’t. It just has to look like, “I’m getting out of bed. I’m still taking my supplements, trying my best to nourish my body in all the ways that feel good to my body,” and I’ll express my feelings. I’m going to cry when I feel like I want to cry.
I’m going to laugh when I feel like I want to laugh. I’m going to surround myself with people that feel like they’re on my team and supportive of me. That’s hope. That’s showing up for yourself. I’m going to listen to this because it feels good to be soothed.
That’s hope. Yeah. All right, guys. I love you. I’ll see you next week. Yeah, same time, same place.
Oh no. Next week, I’m going to do it on Friday, I think. I can’t remember. I’m traveling next week, but I’m going to see you next week. Okay, so just give yourself permission. You can feel all the feelings, and none of them are going to make you less fertile.
It’s contrary to what I think some … I heard recently that some fertility coaches out there are telling women if they don’t have positive thoughts, they’re never going to get pregnant. I asked not to be told the name of that coach because I would’ve went after them lovingly. I would’ve been like, “You don’t say that.” I think you say, “Yes, fears are real.”
“They can exist, and hope is real and it can exist.” You give permission to have it all, all the feelings. It’s okay. It’s okay to feel all the things, and it’s okay to be different hour to hour, minute to minute, day to day. You guys are worthy of all that you desire.
I’ll see you later. [inaudible 00:34:02]. Bye. Goodbye, Facebook.
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WORK WITH ME WORLDWIDE VIA ONLINE COACHING: Aimee’s Fertility Coaching Programs offer personal guidance along your fertility journey. If you are trying to get pregnant naturally, this program is for you! https://aimeeraupp.com/natural-fertility-coaching-program/
CHECK OUT MY BOOKS: Aimee Raupp offers holistic, wellness and natural fertility books. Learn how to enhance your fertility and get pregnant naturally with Aimee’s cookbooks and diet guides! Shop Aimee Raupp’s natural fertility shop with online workshops, videos, consultation and coaching on fertility, meditation and healthy nutrition! https://aimeeraupp.com/how-to-get-pregnant-natural-fertility-books/
CHECK OUT MY SKINCARE LINE: Shop Aimee Raupp Beauty – Natural Hormone Balancing Skincare. Achieve natural hormone balancing with the Aimee Raupp Beauty Line of organic, gluten-free, dairy-free & cruelty-free skincare products! FREE US shipping! Natural Oils, Creams & Balms for Face And Body. Unbeatable anti-aging results! AimeeRauppBeauty.com
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