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See the Full Transcript Below:
Aimee Raupp:
Back to you on Zoom. And let's see. Meeting is now streaming live on Facebook. Okay. We did it.
Aleksandra:
Yeah, nice.
Aimee Raupp:
That was much easier than yesterday's with Courtney.
Aleksandra:
[inaudible 00:00:14]
Aimee Raupp:
There was a lot of… We actually just had to switch the platform altogether, but… Hello, everyone.
Aleksandra:
Hello.
Aimee Raupp:
It's good evening, here. Saturday night on the East coast. And what time is it there for you?
Aleksandra:
It's 10 o'clock in the morning.
Aimee Raupp:
Yes, on Saturday? On Sunday?
Aleksandra:
On Sunday.
Aimee Raupp:
On Sunday.
Aleksandra:
Yeah.
Aimee Raupp:
This is Aleksandra. She is in Australia. And yeah, we were just discussing before… Well, first I got to see the handsome little Jude. I never got to meet him, I just saw pictures I think on the New Mamma Group, right.
Aleksandra:
Yeah.
Aimee Raupp:
So he's heading off for a nap. So you guys don't get to see him, but he's chunky, and sweet, and cute, and cuddly. And we were just chatting about, I met you at the age of 36. But you had already been trying for two years before you found your way to me and to the group.
Aleksandra:
Yeah.
Aimee Raupp:
So yeah, why don't you just share what feels right to share, and we'll just go from there. How about that?
Aleksandra:
Okay. So, I first fell pregnant, I was 34 and a bit, I fell pregnant really easily. We decided to start trying for a baby. My husband and I being together for a long time and we'd traveled and done all those things, career and yeah, the time felt right to start a family. And fell pregnant quickly and then on Christmas Day, sadly I lost that pregnancy. So that was a bit, that was really difficult, it being that time of the year as well. But going to emergency and everyone just kind of looking at me as if to say, “There's not really anything we can do.” And they sent me home. And when it started, it was like a mini-labor. And I just put myself in the bath and just went through the whole process. And my husband was there with me through the whole thing and held my hand.
Aleksandra:
And looking back on it now, there was a beauty in it that we went through it together. And maybe going through it naturally, it was a closure process for me as well. And then he asked me, “How do you feel about… How long do you want to wait? Are you happy to try again?” And I was ready I thought. It's just one of those things, it happens. I did ask my doctors at the time, “Is there anything we can do?” Something, I don't know if this is just back luck, I think it could be something more, can we do any testing?” And they said, “No, it just happens. It's pretty normal. It happens a lot, it's just bad luck.”
Aleksandra:
And we started trying again the very next cycle and I fell pregnant again, straight away. There was no gap in between, as you will. And sadly I lost that pregnancy as well. And that was Easter. [crosstalk 00:03:24]
Aimee Raupp:
How many weeks were each of those losses? They were seven, six?
Aleksandra:
They were early, yeah, seven weeks. Yeah, with the second pregnancy, because I'd already had a first loss, I asked for an early scan. So we got to see the heartbeat and everything. And you get a bit more invested in it. You hope that this will work. And then I went back at eight weeks and they said that the baby had stopped at seven. And yeah, being in that room and not hearing the heartbeat and just yeah… There's just no words of how devastating that feels. And that loss took a long time to resolve. I bled for three months on and off. I would stop for a while for a week or two, and then it would come back. Eventually, they took another scan and had to clear everything out. My body didn't release the pregnancy. It wasn't complete.
Aleksandra:
And then I took time to try and get my head together, we took a really long break. I worked with a naturopath. And that's the funny thing, I'm a nutritional consultant and lifestyle coach and I still wanted extra help. I thought, “Well, an expert still needs an expert.” So I sought out this naturopath to put me on all these supplements and things. And I took them and I felt a little bit better on them, but it got to a point where it was actually stressing me out because I had to take things at certain times and I can't take this supplement with that one.
Aleksandra:
And it just got too much. And I was also still working a lot, burning the candle at both ends. And I just thought, “Nah, I'm just going to stop, I'm just going to take a sabbatical. And I'm just going to stop working, I'm going to stop these supplements. And I'm just going to take a break.” And so I did. And we took a little five day vacation and I fell pregnant again. And I woke up on Christmas Day and that time and I said to my husband, “I think I'm pregnant.” And we waited and on New Year's Day 2018, I found out I was pregnant again. And that was the third pregnancy. And I thought, “Third time's a charm. This is going to work.” And it didn't sadly. And had to have a D&C with that one. It was a little bit further along and my body just wasn't releasing, I was having such a hard time with all the pregnancies. It's like, I just wanted to be pregnant so badly and my body just wanted to hold on to this baby so much.
Aimee Raupp:
Hold onto it.
Aleksandra:
And even when it didn't work, it just didn't want to let go.
Aleksandra:
But that pregnancy, it really, it just broke me down. I just went into a hole, I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't want to speak to anyone. I just found it really hard to dig myself out of that one.
Aleksandra:
But going back in time, after my second pregnancy, I was at the library and I was looking. I started to look for answers, because I thought something wasn't quite right. My diet was really good, I was healthy, I was exercising. All those things that you look to, everything was fine. And all my lab work came back. Nothing was wrong with me. I was perfectly healthy and I should be able to fall pregnant and carry a pregnancy without a problem. And I was going through the books in the library and your book was just there and it just jumped out at me. And I got it home, I read it in a weekend and I just kept borrowing it out. I just kept taking it out of the library and at one point the lady said, “If anyone else requested this book, we're going to have to call you up and get you, get it back from you.”
Aleksandra:
And so after the third pregnancy loss, I was like, “You know what? I need to get that book, I need to get my own copy.” And I went on your website and you were releasing Body Belief at the same time.
Aimee Raupp:
Oh, right. Okay.
Aleksandra:
I got both of those books on Amazon and it was hard for me. I listened to some of your YouTube clips about being worthy of everything that you desire and that was really difficult for me to accept. And I remember the very first time I listened to you talk about it, I cried. And in that video, you said, “Repeat after me, you are worthy of everything you desire.” And I couldn't speak the words. And I kept watching, I just watched it over and over again until I could say those words to myself. But it was that mental component, I realized that that's what I was missing, that support. I was on this journey on my own. I was embarrassed, I felt so much shame that I couldn't make it work.
Aleksandra:
I was there helping other people, and be healthy, and do all these things and somehow I was failing at it.I lost all confidence in what I do. And I felt really broken. And because I was so ashamed, it took me a long time. I kept coming back to your website and I kept getting these emails from you every so often. It's like, “Are you ready to kickstart your fertility.” And, “Are you ready to optimize your fertility.” And all this sort of stuff. And you kept speaking to me and I really believe in signs, in the universe there's always things guiding you.
Aleksandra:
And eventually, I was like, “You know what? I'm going to do this. She's opened the doors to the e-course, I'm going to go for it.” And the day I did, I just felt so much weight lift off my shoulders. I remember that day so clearly and I looked at my husband and I said, “I feel so much better now. I signed up. Everything's going to change.” And it did.
Aleksandra:
And being a part of this group has just been… It's priceless. I'm not online, ever. This group and there's just so much, there is so much heartache in the group, but it's a happy place.
Aimee Raupp:
Yeah.
Aleksandra:
It's where I go to recharge, it's where I go to fill up my cup, as it were. Everyone understands you, there's no judgment. I've met so many wonderful ladies and Laura, Courtney, I mean, heroes. They just lifted me up and they knew what I was going through and we're all there for each other. And so many other women in the group. There's one, I know you're watching, and you have my heart. I couldn't have done this without you. So yeah, it's a game changer. And you aren't thinking about whether they should do it or not, I know it's a financial thing that you have to consider, but if you're on this journey, you've probably spent a lot of money anyway going to see all these specialists and doctors. And if you're doing IVF and IUIs, make it happen. It's something that you won't regret doing.
Aleksandra:
And because I was in the group, when I fell pregnant for the fourth time, I was already working with you, it was still difficult, but somehow it was easier. I had more faith. Just before I fell pregnant for the fourth time, I was in that really good space. You keep saying, “Trust the timing of your life.” And I did. I repeated those mantras, I did the meditations, and I'd go for a walk and I would imagine myself being pregnant. And some people might think that, “Why would you do that to yourself. I mean, that's just torture.”
Aimee Raupp:
Torture.
Aleksandra:
But it wasn't because, feeling pregnant to me, made me feel happy. I would walk down the streets and I had the biggest grin on my face. And people would be looking at me funny. And I would just sit there and I would daydream about what it would be like.
Aleksandra:
So the fourth loss was difficult, but it was easier because I had the support group. I had a tribe of women behind me. I'm a really private person and if someone out there is private, it doesn't matter. Just join anyway. You can be quiet, just come on and just listen to everyone else ask questions and get their answers. But just be there, you'll feel supported anyway.
Aimee Raupp:
Well, even think about that private person and yet so willing to come on and share because of, I think, what you went through and the transformations and the support that you received.
Aleksandra:
Yeah, I kind of think I was given this mountain–
Aimee Raupp:
Yes.
Aleksandra:
… And I want to show other people that they can climb it. You can get to the other side. Eventually I did find this great doctor who thought a bit outside of the box, he's a little bit like Dr. Braverman. What I had available in Australia was not exactly what you have available in the US, so my protocols were a little bit different, but it took time to accept that I needed [crosstalk 00:13:17]
Aimee Raupp:
[crosstalk 00:13:20] We did two coaching sessions, I think, right? And I think the majority of the coaching sessions were about… I mean If I could sum it up and you definitely correct me, was getting you into this space of being able to receive the help. Because it was like, I want to do this on my own. There was this bit of–
Aleksandra:
Yeah.
Aimee Raupp:
I'm the same way. A little stubborn, we're similar.
Aleksandra:
Yeah.
Aimee Raupp:
But I did think, we took a while to find that doctor and then to get and take in his support and his feedback. And even still, it was a little push and pull with some things if I remember. But you had the girls and you had… What was cool too, and I see this a lot in the group, and I mean, you can speak to it, is because there's so many girls going through and so many different types, Aleksandra, I think because of the losses for certain, falls more into that autoimmune category where something else is going on. This is not egg quality issues, this is beyond that. And so she needed an autoimmune fertility specialist or a fertility reproductive immunologist basically.
Aimee Raupp:
But she was able to actually then say like, “This is how…” And he knew of Dr. Braverman, right? If I remember correctly.
Aleksandra:
Yep, yep. [crosstalk 00:14:42]
Aimee Raupp:
And he was like, “This is the protocol that these girls are on. Can we do something similar?” It was that kind of thing. And she had this information. And very legitimate information from what women were doing in, mainly in the States, I think, that we're able to show him. And yeah, and I think that and the support.
Aimee Raupp:
And then, I mean, we made some tweaks. But like she said, you came into it, I mean, I have your initial paperwork and her diet was spectacular. Steamed zucchini, rocket and salmon, olive oil lemon dressing, avocado with collagen peptides, lemon dressing, steamed rocket and asparagus, steamed pumpkin with garlic, I mean she eats better than I eat for certain. Sausage, asparagus, bone broth, half a banana, strawberries with coconut oil. So an all organic and I think no caffeine, no alcohol, right?
Aleksandra:
No.
Aimee Raupp:
And I'm trying to remember too… Oh, supplements that you were on at that point, but we've put you on the basics if I remember. But what was interesting too is you still had, as clean as you ate, all these red flags.
Aleksandra:
Absolutely.
Aimee Raupp:
You guys have heard me talk about the red flags symptom list. We have a checklist if anybody wants access to it. Just message us and we'll get it to you, but it's in Body Belief as well. And so whenever I see that, super clean, she's getting pregnant right away, and then I see, you guys can't totally see but all these little checks, something else is going on. Her body is still not happy with how solid and clean she was, her body was still not happy.
Aleksandra:
[crosstalk 00:16:30]
Aimee Raupp:
And so some of that was, obviously with the losses, there was the emotional inflammation was there for certain.
Aleksandra:
Yeah.
Aimee Raupp:
But I remember… There was all my recommendations up in the top corner of our first call. But yeah, and her clotting factor and MTHFR were all negative by the way too.
Aleksandra:
Yep.
Aimee Raupp:
So that was the other interesting thing. Your homocystine was slightly high, you had no clotting factors, no MTHFR, which is not what I see usually, right. Usually, four losses, they have one of those things and clotting factors there's like 18 different ones.
Aimee Raupp:
But when he tested you, he found natural killer cells, I can't remember.
Aleksandra:
Yeah, the natural killer cells were elevated and basically my husband and I were a little bit too similar. There's a–
Aimee Raupp:
Oh, the HLA, yeah.
Aleksandra:
Yes, the HLAs. And so my body was not recognizing or it wasn't protecting the pregnancies.
Aimee Raupp:
Yes.
Aleksandra:
So that's where the medication came in.
Aimee Raupp:
[crosstalk 00:17:42] system basically.
Aleksandra:
Yeah, [inaudible 00:17:45] system was too strong each time. And with the fourth pregnancy I was already working with him, but the protocol wasn't aggressive enough.
Aimee Raupp:
That's it.
Aleksandra:
My immune system was just too strong. So with the next pregnancy I spoke with him and he said, “Look, let's just do everything that we can.”
Aimee Raupp:
That was the IVIG, was I think the big game changer.
Aleksandra:
Yeah.
Aimee Raupp:
Remember that day too. That's the other power of the group. So she's back and forth, “Should I do this IVIG, should I not?” It was expensive. It was just another added expense that they didn't want to have to spend if they didn't need to and Cathy, one of our other girls, who we're going to go live with tomorrow… Aleksandra posted in the group… I'm getting the chills, and I remember Cathy posted a research article, right. And I was like… I think I brought it to your attention maybe the same moment you [crosstalk 00:18:37]–
Aleksandra:
[crosstalk 00:18:37]
Aimee Raupp:
… Time change. And the IVIG article showed that… Well, explain what was going on. So she's in her fifth pregnancy now. And tell them everything that went down for that one.
Aleksandra:
Yep. And I had my HCG drawn, it was fantastic. The progesterone was great. The second draw was still good. And then third one… because normally they only do two. And if it doubles then everything is good, there's no need to keep going. But I wanted to keep going. I said, “I want to keep going. I want to make sure that everything's going great.”
Aimee Raupp:
Yeah.
Aleksandra:
And it didn't. It should of doubled.
Aimee Raupp:
And it didn't.
Aleksandra:
Let's just say it was 50, it should have been 100. And mine was 70. It was just in the middle. And I got a phone call from them and they said, “It doesn't look good and prepare yourself for another loss.”
Aimee Raupp:
And our email exchange too.
Aleksandra:
Yeah. And I was just like, “This can't be.” I took a shower and I cried like I've never cried before. And then I thought, “I'm not giving up, until it's over, I can't give up.” And went on in the little group. I posted and I got, Laura just stood by me as if she was in the room next to me and we messaged each other and I was just like, “What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?” And this is what I'm doing in the moment. And we discussed it and I messaged my doctor and in the end he was just like, “Let's just up the meds. There's nothing to lose. If it's going to go one way, it'll go anyway.” And I just wanted to make sure that I did everything that I possibly could.
Aleksandra:
And I meditated the hell out of myself basically. I just listened to your meditation. Sometimes it was just on repeat the whole day. It was the only thing that kept me from crying, from going down that rabbit hole. I had to keep my cortisol levels in check. Anything that would stress me out would be negative, would be something that wasn't really healthy. And it worked. And the HCG went back up.
Aimee Raupp:
[crosstalk 00:21:06]
Aleksandra:
I had a scan at six weeks and there was a heartbeat. And I held my breath and we had weekly scans up until, I think it was 15 weeks. It was really touch an go. I bleed twice, I had spotting at 13 and 14 weeks and I thought that was it.
Aimee Raupp:
[crosstalk 00:21:29]
Aleksandra:
Again, and I went in and they couldn't find the root, there was nothing. The baby was perfectly healthy. But each time I went in I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. And that's where the support came in. I just felt the ladies were with me. I would just go in then and I would just breathe and I would sing to myself. And especially during this pandemic time as well, being pregnant during this time, I couldn't have anyone come with me. They stopped my husband being there. And so I would have to go into these appointments on my own as well. And that was difficult. So just knowing that they were there for me and that I could update them on how things were going. And that was… I mean, I just can't put words on that. That was incredible.
Aleksandra:
And the specialist, I know I shared it with the group, he didn't think we'd make it to 25 weeks. So the whole pregnancy, I was just kind of tittering. And I think, once you've had one loss or more, you're next pregnancy will never be without worry, It won't be the way you've always dreamt that it would be. It will be tough. And you'll worry, and you'll be scared that it won't work out. And my gynecologist thought I wouldn't get to 32 weeks. And he was born at 39, so we sort of showed everyone that it could work. But he's a little miracle, my baby boy. And he just held on. He's a little warrior.
Aleksandra:
There's something else, I think there's an extra little bit of magic that needs to happen. I think this whole journey made me reconnect back to myself. The Body Belief especially, I had to trust my own body again, that it could do this. I always believed that I would have my baby, but after so many losses you begin to doubt yourself. You begin to wonder if this is every going to happen. And I just had to get to that point where I had to realign myself spiritually and also enjoy my life again. I think it's really easy to get fixated on this one thing. And you forget everything else that is around you. You forget your relationships and it's not healthy.
Aimee Raupp:
No, you lose yourself. I mean, how do you not. It's so tough, it's so tough.
Aleksandra:
Yeah.
Aimee Raupp:
But you made it through and I mean, in that group I'm actually… I want to find the email exchange when… Your second beta 480, and then [inaudible 00:24:28] had another [inaudible 00:24:29]. We were hoping for 960 but I got 950. Doctor said it's still rising. I'm taking prednisone, progesterone, intra lipid scheduled for Saturday. Another HCG showed a slow rise, but hopefully receiving immune panel results tomorrow and hear from the doctor. And let's see, the went from 950 to 1500. That's what it was in four days. So it didn't look great, you're so right.
Aleksandra:
Nope.
Aimee Raupp:
And I said, “That makes no sense, what are they seeing on the ultrasound.” And you hadn't had one yet. But I had so much faith this time it would work, my baby's [inaudible 00:25:15] kept showing up, I saw baby bunny, and another baby bunny.
Aleksandra:
There was the thing, I think my baby was communication to me way before I even read The Spirit Babies that you recommended. And after I read the book, I was like, “This is my baby communicating with me.” And every time I went for those infusions, which I ended up having four or five intralipids and four IVIGs, which is a lot.
Aimee Raupp:
That was the IVIG, I felt like was the… Right.
Aleksandra:
Yeah, that really helped.
Aimee Raupp:
And then, so it goes 480, nine… This is the beta. 480, 950, 1500, 2520 and then 4820. Upped the prednisone herself, which… But again, you got the support of the group. These girls are on 20 to 40 milligrams. It felt safe to do it, I remember being like, “Go for it.” Because you hadn't heard from the doctor and the time was so of the essence. And then it–
Aleksandra:
Yeah. It was a Friday and I wouldn't hear from him until Monday. And it was this weekend time and what do you do?
Aimee Raupp:
And then I just remember the IVIG article. Yeah, I just read, I sent you this email, I just read the article that Cathy shared, now it makes sense. Now it makes me feel like if you can, do the IVIG. With that I think the numbers looking really good and promising. And then you went ahead and yeah. Anyway, that was Friday, October 18th. And then the… Let's see. Then on October 24th, baby measuring spot on. Six weeks and one day, heartbeat 122. It's the best, I know.
Aimee Raupp:
And that was kind of it. I mean, not kind of it, but October 31st, “I wanted to let you know we're still going well here. I had another scan yesterday after some cramping,” which I'm sure freaked you out. “We decided to go ahead with the IVIG.”
Aleksandra:
It did.
Aimee Raupp:
“That was last Saturday.” And then, yeah, and your doctor said, “When I voiced my concern that it took 10 days to finally run the first surface markers test to see my immune markers and that possibly this had the impact of HCG slowing down, the response was, ‘Well, it's like deciding whether to have tea or coffee, much the same thing.'” Do you remember that [inaudible 00:27:43].
Aleksandra:
Yeah.
Aimee Raupp:
That wasn't too late. Look at that. I mean, had you been alone, I don't know that… You know what I mean? I think the support of the group really was so… And just your confidence in knowing like, “No, this is how a doctor should respond. And this is what I should get. And this is how other doctors have handled it.” You had so much confidence and knowledge.
Aimee Raupp:
And then obviously you have Laura there.
Aleksandra:
Laura, woo hoo.
Aimee Raupp:
Our head TA. She knows my protocol better than I do. I know you're watching. And yeah, and I wrote back to you. I said, “As for the doctor, I think you just have to continue to be your own advocate and firmly ask for what you need. If the opportunity arises for a non-heated emotionally safe conversation you can say something like…” Remember, I walked you through it. I was like, “This is what you're going to say.”
Aimee Raupp:
That was a part of your healing too. Which is something we worked on in one of our calls where we had to write the letter, remember to the doctors, because when you went to another doctor and they started doing more tests, they made a comment like, “Oh, a lot of these tests hadn't been done.” And there was so much anger and rage in you because it was like, “Would you let me go through with this many losses and you didn't fucking check everything? What?”
Aimee Raupp:
And so I had you write a letter to the doctors. And then we also did a visualization about when you're going to send them the birth announcement card. Like, oh and by the way, here he is.
Aleksandra:
[crosstalk 00:29:15] Yeah. Absolutely. I mean it's just crazy. I was really angry that women have to go through this, this many times before anyone takes you seriously or does any more further testing. I mean, and why should we have to have three pregnancy losses before any…
Aimee Raupp:
I know.
Aleksandra:
Yeah, it was really difficult. And I was thinking about it the other day. I mean, up to total to bring my baby home, I've seen 17 health specialists. And that's crazy.
Aimee Raupp:
[crosstalk 00:29:46]
Aleksandra:
And at one point, I was like, “Is it me?” I'm walking through all these doctors and they must think I'm crazy. I'm just hypochondriac that's a bit kookoo. But then I got to the point and I thought, “They're there for me. I'm paying them for a service and if they're not aligning with me, if the don't believe in me, if I'm sitting there and they're saying, ‘There's nothing wrong with you but you need to do IVF.'” And I'm saying, “How is that going to help? I'm falling pregnant easily, but I can't hold on to a pregnancy. How is IVF going to help me?” And they don't have an answer, then something's not right there. And I would, I would have an appointment and I would never go back because what's the point?
Aleksandra:
And so that was also lonely for [inaudible 00:30:32] To just keep searching and keep digging, and keep looking for… And even with acupuncturists, sometimes they would just come in the group and go, “This just didn't feel right, or they said this.” It's like don't worry about it, just[crosstalk 00:30:47]
Aimee Raupp:
[crosstalk 00:30:47] Move on.
Aleksandra:
Just keep going until you find that person that gets you. That understands.
Aimee Raupp:
And has your back and that believes in you, right. Because I do think too, energetically, right. It's just so important that we're all holding the same space. It's like you don't have to have a fertility doctor that necessarily believes you can improve egg quality, right. Or that necessarily believes you can't do it without the meds, or something like that, but just that believes in you, or is going to support you in looking under every rock.
Aleksandra:
Absolutely.
Aimee Raupp:
And it's maddening though to continue to not receive the proper care. And especially when it comes to running bloodwork, because some of it's pretty simple, you know what I mean, and not that hard to address or treat. And there's data out there. And also I think too, from a doctor's standpoint, if it's not your area of expertise, then refer her out. You know what I mean? If there's an RE that isn't experienced in immunology or the habitual miscarriages then refer her out, refer her out. She's not for you. And I think, you go get involved.
Aleksandra:
So yeah, you have to get to a point where you pick and choose. I think you said that to me, just find the person that's going to align and help you in this area. They might not be able to do everything, but the immunologist, he might not have a great bedside manner, but if he knows this bit–
Aimee Raupp:
Yeah, that's it. [crosstalk 00:32:21]
Aleksandra:
… just take that bit from him and go to someone else for this bit. And come to the group for the emotional support.
Aimee Raupp:
Come to the group for everything else. And then come to the group to actually go over all of it, right. I mean, that's really what we did. And I feel like, I do, I mean, I think about that pregnancy and just… I almost feel like the way everybody came together to basically just support you through that hiccup, that really happened. And then it was like you got over the hump.
Aleksandra:
Yeah.
Aimee Raupp:
And you brought him home. It was amazing.
Aleksandra:
Yeah. I still walk around the house going, “Oh my gosh, I have a baby. I'm a mom.” And it still feels, it feels foreign still after so long waiting on something. I mean, I'm loving it. I'm enjoying it. But there's still a healing that has to…
Aimee Raupp:
Yes.
Aleksandra:
I'm still healing from it all. And what I've learned through the e-course, it'll guide me through the rest of my life now. I still use that ART program of acknowledge, reframe, transform. The whole time, every time I doubt myself now as a new mom, I'm like, “Hang on a minute. What would Amy say?” And yeah, my son probably knows your voice as good as he knows mine, because I listen to you so much.
Aimee Raupp:
He did give me a couple of nice smiles, he really did.
Aleksandra:
[inaudible 00:33:50] With my big belly and your voice would just be playing through. And it just made me calm and he's such a happy baby. And he's a delight. And I think that has a lot to do with the way you feel–
Aimee Raupp:
The environment on [crosstalk 00:34:08]
Aleksandra:
[crosstalk 00:34:08] And that's what you always say. That conversation you have in your own mind, that's probably the most important conversation you're going to have every day when you speak to yourself because it affects how you feel and then how you feel affects what you do and what you eat, and how you sleep. And then that affects your health. And then that all affects your fertility. And it's everything, it's not just the waist down. There's the diet side, but then there's the mental-emotional component. And everyone's a bit different. And I think that's what the e-course is really good, it addresses everything wholistically. And for me, the most difficult thing was the emotional and mental component. Someone else might struggle with the dietary changes, but for me it was that mental-emotional component. And it wasn't just healing from the losses. Once you'd start to unpack things, they really start to unpack and that suitcases opens.
Aimee Raupp:
And it isn't the best.
Aleksandra:
And you dig stuff out and that's important, because I think your cells do have a memory.
Aimee Raupp:
100% they do.
Aleksandra:
And they can either be happy or they can be sad. And I've unpacked things from a long time before. And that's had a huge impact on my healing and how my body feels, and also how now–
Aimee Raupp:
You're even a mother.
Aleksandra:
Absolutely. And what you say, healing your children's children. In a lot of things, and you know about those things, I'm breaking a cycle.
Aimee Raupp:
Yeah, you are.
Aleksandra:
And that was very important for me to do.
Aimee Raupp:
I just got the chills, I love that.
Aleksandra:
I kind of feel, even with every pregnancy my husband and I said, “It's the same baby coming back to us. It's the same baby.”
Aimee Raupp:
Oh, 100%. 100%. And that's why he's so happy because he's like, “Finally. Finally, I get to come through.”
Aleksandra:
Yeah. And I want to share something I wrote, because I did so much journaling. And when I did my meditations, I did a lot of free writing as well afterwards, because I would visualize things in my meditation. And then I would just write everything that I saw. And there was one little bit, and I would write to my son. And I said, “I know that I can't have you right now, or a week from now, or a month, or maybe even a year. But I know that eventually you'll be mine and I will be yours, and that is enough.”
Aleksandra:
And that's how I got through, because sometimes ladies come to group or they go to a doctor and they're like, “I want it now. I want a fix now. I want my baby.” And I know you want your baby. And you should have your baby, but trust in the process because it will happen. But it takes it's own time and healing comes in waves. And when you start to unpack things with you in the course with the ladies, sometimes it won't happen all at once. And then you'll heal in stages. And weeks or months might go by and then something else.
Aleksandra:
And keep going through the course. I mean, like Laura and Courtney, I have gone through that course, the modules over and over and over again. And every time I did it, something else would heal, something else would resonate with me. I would listen to your meditations and it would sink in deeper and deeper. And eventually… I still grieve for the time that's gone, but I came to a point where I was like, if it isn't meant to be, if it's not going to work out, that's okay, because I have this mothering heart and I can put it to use in other ways. I've got nieces and nephews, I've got friends, animals, flowers. I can mother so much. There's just this whole world out there and I don't need to be sad. I know I'm waiting for my rainbow, but there's rainbows everywhere around me. And I just have to live my life.
Aleksandra:
And that's when I got to that point last year. I was just… I want to be happy, I want to enjoy my life. I want to go out with my husband. I want to have dinner parties. I want to see my friends. I want to go to the cinema. Just those simple things. And then a few months later, I fell pregnant and it worked. And there was a lot of things that I had to make to come into that to make it work. I wouldn't have been able to do it without the medication, I know that.
Aimee Raupp:
Yeah.
Aleksandra:
I think, the healing that I did and the tweaks that we still made dietary wise, and ironing out those red flags, the medication had space in my body to work.
Aimee Raupp:
I agree. I think that's a huge part of it.
Aleksandra:
I was accepting it, I wasn't pushing it away from me. The more you push away–
Aimee Raupp:
And also I've seen those cases, and even the fourth pregnancy you were on some of those meds and it wasn't enough, sadly.
Aleksandra:
Yeah.
Aimee Raupp:
But I've seen that before. I mean, even Sharon who went live with me last year, who has baby Jane, but it was the same. I mean, she had another miscarriage under… when she first started working with me, I think it was her fourth as well. I think Jane is her fifth [inaudible 00:39:35]. She might be watching right now, she could chime in and say. But it was the same thing, it was the unpacking is what really had to happen. And then I think the diet too for her. She didn't come in on the diet that you came in on, when I met you. And so there was a lot of that, but it was interesting because I do think it's what you said of the nutritional and just the absorption. You know how in Chinese medicine we say the absorption, whether that's your food but also how are you absorbing and taking in your world. Your absorption then allows you to actually utilize the meds the way that they should be used and allows it to work that time. Yeah. I mean, so much.
Aleksandra:
I mean, it's natural that when you go through what we've gone through in the group, that you will be angry and you will be sad, and you will be just…
Aimee Raupp:
Oh my god, yeah.
Aleksandra:
But that makes your whole body just tighten up. And you can't receive anything because everything is geared up to push away. You're so resistant to everything, you're so angry. You're just like, “Why do I need to eat this diet? Why do I need to see these doctors?”
Aimee Raupp:
For everything, yeah.
Aleksandra:
There's more questions than there is answers. So you do need to just surrender and that takes time. And that takes a process and it doesn't happen overnight. And it does take work and some people think, “Well, why should it take work? [inaudible 00:41:02] having a baby should be something so natural, we're designed to do this.” It's not the same for everyone and sometimes it does take a little bit of extra effort.
Aimee Raupp:
It's not, no.
Aleksandra:
And I would encourage anyone to do this course. I think you'll get so much more from it, not just to bring your baby home, I think it will change your life in the way you feel about yourself and the relationships that you have with your family and your friends. It's a way to almost spring clean yourself, and renew, and step into the person you are meant to be. That's what–
Aimee Raupp:
And that's, right, you've heard me say this so many times too, but I see that as, if you believe into the spirit baby aspect, baby's up there and he's like, “No, Mom, I need you to be solid in you. And I need this to come through for you or you to heal this, so that you can be the mom I'm going to need for this world.” That they have this greater understanding. I mean, that's kind of how I see it. And I think what a beautiful partnership that's already begun, that this child is encouraging these changes in you, right, so that you can step into your true power… I'm looking at my phone because I'm pulling up the comments on Facebook, just so you know I'm not being rude, because I can't pull them up on my computer for some reason.
Aimee Raupp:
But just so that you could be, right, the woman, the mother, the wife, the partner, all the things that this little one needs you to be. And yeah, to me, I mean, you've heard me say this before too, it's not about a positive pregnancy test in my opinion, right. It's about you becoming who you're supposed to become and the baby will come through.
Aleksandra:
Yeah.
Aimee Raupp:
And I mean, even in my miscarriage, which you were so supportive to me in that, that was the greatest lesson, where it's like there's a transformation that happens or just things that maybe I wasn't seeing that now I get to see. And not to say that every woman has to go through a loss to figure this shit out or fertility challenges, it's not that at all, but if you're in it you might as well look at it, right.
Aleksandra:
Yeah, and not necessarily have to be grateful or think, oh, everything happens for a reason kind of thing, let's [crosstalk 00:43:25]
Aimee Raupp:
That's annoying. Yeah.
Aleksandra:
Pollyanna. But from this negative experience let's turn it into something positive. And that's…
Aimee Raupp:
What else could we learn from this? Cathryn said, “I didn't realize the mental part played such a big role.” And Jodi and Laura commented. Allison said, “Me either, it's huge.” Steph King, “Oh my gosh, Aleksandra, I resonate with your story. My journey has been exactly the same, all tests fine, retaining tissue et cetera.”
Aimee Raupp:
So Steph, I want to tell you, you're going to win the scholarship, all right. So, comment.
Aleksandra:
Yay.
Aimee Raupp:
Yeah. Comment, let Beth reach out to you, okay. Steph, it's all yours, Steph King. Jodi, “Worth every cent.” Camilla, “Absolutely, this is just so amazing and so inspirational. It's so wonderful to see this. It gives me hope and courage to continue with my struggle.” Look at that. I told that to Aleks before we went on. She said, I forget how you said it, but it was like, “I hope this helps.” And I was like, “Just telling your story is going to help.”
Aleksandra:
Yeah, I do.
Aimee Raupp:
Because that's all anyone needs to hear is just the courage and the faith to go on. And to honor the belief, you deep down have this belief. And you're going to go on to have more than one child, I know that.
Aleksandra:
I'd like to think so.
Aimee Raupp:
I know, no pressure. But it's just that thing of you saw that for yourself which was why it was so devastating. And that is, from a spiritual perspective, the reason it hurts so bad is because it's misaligned with what your true purpose is. And so, just stay the course. And I don't mean, it's not Pollyanna in that sense of like, just keep uncovering and unfolding and trust that you're on the right path.
Aleksandra:
And also, that there's different parts to baby. I sat down with my husband and we're like, “Okay, so if this doesn't work, what are the other options? Let's talk about surrogacy, let's talk about adoption, let's talk…” I felt a calling to be a mom. I knew my baby was coming to me. But I also surrendered to, okay, it doesn't have to just be this way. It could be lots of different ways that this child is going to come to me.
Aimee Raupp:
Yeah, there's a lot of ways to become a mom.
Aleksandra:
And that helped me feel, that took the pressure off. And that we aligned together as partners about what we were prepared to do and what felt right for us. And going forward, if I can't do it this way again, I'm so open to doing it a different way because I'd love to have more than one. I've just got so much love in my heart for this one, let's have more babies.
Aimee Raupp:
That's it, that's it. That's it. A house full of babies. I love it. I'm just looking at other comments. Laura says, “And meet your best friend,” So cute. Let's see. And everybody's congratulating Steph, Sister Support, “You guys are so cute. I'm getting to that part of trying to enjoy my life.” Yeah, oh, I love it. You guys are so cute. Okay, everybody's crying. It's so good.
Aimee Raupp:
Here's Sharon, she was here, “My anxious need for control will never have survived being Jane's mom and learning how to let go. Gratitude and enjoying the present moment for what it is is so needed.” So that's, when I was talking about Sharon who had the other miscarriage. So true. I love you Sharon, I'm happy you're on watching.
Aimee Raupp:
And that's it too, I hope I'm not oversharing, but Mother's Day, and you remember and Sharon was a new mom, but I remember you saying in the group, Sharon, “How do I have joy for Mother's Day without feeling like… I feel bad because I have all these losses too. So I have this grief that still comes up. How do I live in both?”
Aleksandra:
Yep.
Aimee Raupp:
And I think some of you watching, are like, “Oh, I can't wait for that day,” in a sense, but it's real. The pain, it doesn't just go away and transform into this thing. And it's you're just suddenly healed because now you have this baby. It's still, the struggle is real. And I think I said to you, Sharon, of you can have both. Right, you can have the grief and you can have the joy. And I'm finally here and here's my baby, and she's amazing, and she's so cute. And she looks just like your husband. But right, I've seen Shawn a couple times on our video calls with Sharon, and it's like oh my god, she looks just like Shawn.
Aimee Raupp:
But you can have both. And I think that we're not told that. I think we think we… And I think a lot of women get on that hamster wheel of like, “Oh, I'll just get pregnant again, so I can just forget that. And I just want to move on. I just want to move on.” Or, “I'm just going to do another IVF, just another, let's keep going.” And you've got to stop and feel and let yourself process. And be with all of it, and it's okay to be with all of it. Yeah.
Aleksandra:
Mm-hmm (affirmative). And you have to be honest with yourself, I think that's what's good about the e-course. And especially, anyone doing that checklist, I encourage you to be honest, just sit there and don't just go, “Oh, I'm okay, I only have headaches, and I only have this or that.” No, sit there and just really tick everything that you need to tick, because that will help you. It will help you working with Amy, but it will help you identify as well with yourself that…
Aimee Raupp:
Yeah, [crosstalk 00:49:03] body.
Aleksandra:
You need to make the changes. And you're in a safe place. And there's no judgment here. And when you unpack your bag and everything comes out, you have all these ladies that will make sure that you don't sit there and make home in that space. That you get out of it and I think there's… I forget the name of the lady, but Laura posted a video really early on when all joined, about a lady who talked about her tragic loss and everything. And I think it's in our little video bit.
Aimee Raupp:
Oh, right.
Aleksandra:
And she spoke about you don't get over these losses, you don't get over a tragedy, but you can move forward with it. And I think that really spoke to me, that I didn't have to just get over it. I was experiencing these losses and no one knew I was pregnant, and there was nothing to show for it. And when someone's lived and sadly you lose them, we celebrate their life and then people come out and support you. But when you have a loss like this, many people don't know and you're alone in that grief. And you're just expected to move on and carry on with your life. And I didn't want to do that, and I think that's why I struggled so much.
Aleksandra:
And then when I watched that video she posted, it's like you don't need to move on, just move forward. And even if you take baby steps, forward is forward. You're still going in the right direction.
Aimee Raupp:
Amen to that.
Aleksandra:
You saved my life. Literally, you enabled me to help myself. I think that's… you were there, you were cheering me on, you were… I would imagine you in pom-poms and you'd just be there. You gave me the confidence to do what I needed to do.
Aimee Raupp:
You did. And you really did, the way you stepped into your shoes too in that last pregnancy.
Aleksandra:
And sometimes that's all it takes is just the one special person.
Aimee Raupp:
A cheerleader, yeah. Yeah, I'm honored. I'm honored to do it. You know that. It's so good to see you on this side.
Aleksandra:
Thank you so much.
Aimee Raupp:
Thank you, you make me cry.
Aleksandra:
I have so much gratitude for you, and for your group, and what you've created. And yeah, there's not enough words. Just thank you is not enough to express what you've done for me and this group. And I never want to leave, and it's the best thing.
Aimee Raupp:
That's it. Someone asked before on Instagram, “Do we have lifetime access to the e-course?” And I was like, well you never get kicked out. And most women don't want to leave, it's fascinating. It still blows my mind what that group has become and the relationships that came through it. And I was trying to say it before too, but it's really clear to me, I've really feel like the group came together and really helped you save this pregnancy. And it's just so amazing to me. It really is because I feel like from the knowledge and the support in that group…
Aleksandra:
He wouldn't be here without it.
Aimee Raupp:
I don't think you would have had the confidence to increase the prednisone or…
Aleksandra:
But I don't [inaudible 00:52:31]anyone else to do this.
Aimee Raupp:
And I had another case like that, similarly. Yeah.
Aleksandra:
I just want to be clear. You don't play around with meds.
Aimee Raupp:
Ever. And I'd be the first one to say, “Call your doctor right away.” But we knew the timeframe, it was a small increase. But I didn't see it as reckless at all. And I think, all the years of clinical experience and then seeing all the other girls in the group and also knowing the dose that the doctors will go up to. Doctors sometimes go up to 40 milligrams, Dr. Braverman was notorious for 40 milligrams. So I knew that, I didn't think there was any harm in it either. And yeah. I just think the IVIG, all the things just really came together and it was, yeah, it was remarkable.
Aimee Raupp:
But just so many layers of I think the support, but then also the knowledge, and the confidence, and all the other treatments, girls, you can go in there and you can just see, “Oh, so I had the best quality eggs when…” If we're talking about egg quality, when they did estrogen priming and my doctor did this and did that. So ask your doctor. That's half of office hours sometimes, where it's like, “I want you to ask your doctor about this, or go get that. Talk about this.” That's half of it. And then everybody comes in and they share their experiences. And you can see girls like Aleksandra, and Laura, and Courtney, and Cathy, and Sharon. They don't go anywhere. Meaning they don't graduate or move on, so they still check in on office hours because it is such a community and family. So they come in and they're just like, “Hey, this is what I did. And I made it to 38 weeks. And then I changed to this.”
Aimee Raupp:
And it's just this level of confidence that just shifts because you're like, “Okay, so other people have done it. These are the doctors that do it.” And I think it's so… it's invaluable for me sometimes. I've learned so much from you guys from just all the different protocols all over the country, all over the world at this point. We have women all over the world in that group.
Aimee Raupp:
Yeah, and then the emotional piece. And just the, “Oh, she went through it, I can too.” You know what I mean?
Aleksandra:
Absolutely.
Aimee Raupp:
Even for you. You're, unfortunately, not the only one that's had four losses in that group. You know what I mean?
Aleksandra:
Yeah.
Aimee Raupp:
There's probably a dozen of you. It just pisses me off to no freaking end, but…
Aleksandra:
And that's the other thing, to know that you're not alone in this, but there's also no comparing because your journey is so unique to you.
Aimee Raupp:
Of course.
Aleksandra:
It's not worthy of comparing to anyone else. So you come in and feel that you are worthy of this healing and don't compare yourself to someone else and go, “Oh, well, I've only had one or two. Or I didn't go through this, so I don't deserve to feel this heartbreak.” You feel the way you feel and you need to feel. You just…
Aimee Raupp:
What did you say to me? We wrote the title of this story together, because she was on. And I said, “How do you want me to say, three years of trying to conceive. And should I say how many losses?” And I wrote and too many losses, and she said, “Well, in my opinion one loss is too many.” And I agree. I couldn't agree more.
Aimee Raupp:
Yeah, so it's not… And then there's also girls who they've just never gotten pregnant. And that's a loss in and of itself too.
Aleksandra:
Absolutely.
Aimee Raupp:
It's just all loss and grief, no matter how you slice it, no matter what the experience was, it's loss and it's grief and it needs to be healed and transformed and looked at. And everybody holds that space, right. And there are some girls who wish, “Oh, I wish I could just get pregnant and at least have a miscarriage.” And it's like, “No, don't…” It's just, don't say that either.
Aleksandra:
No. Absolutely. It's just different, the grief. It's just different and you can't compare it. Whether you've never been pregnant before or you have and you've had the losses, it's devastating on both sides.
Aimee Raupp:
No matter how you slice it, yeah. Wanting something and not being able to get it, is devastating. And working hard at it too and then wanting it and not being able to get it. And seeing everybody else get it so easily. There's just layers of it just being, just wrong on many layers and it hurts. So yeah, okay.
Aleksandra:
But as Remy says, “The wound is where the light enters you.”
Aimee Raupp:
That's it. I know that. I think you posted that in the group. Didn't you at one point?
Aleksandra:
Yeah.
Aimee Raupp:
The wound is where the light enters you. I love that. It's so true.
Aleksandra:
It is.
Aimee Raupp:
And I always would say after my dad died, it felt like there was this solid foundation in my life. He was my rock, or even my best friend. And then someone asked me to describe how it felt. I think it was a friend who was a therapist, and I said, “It feels like someone took a sledgehammer to the rock foundation and there's just cracks now.” And then I said, “But over time, flowers have grown out of those cracks.” And I think that's the same thing in a sense.
Aleksandra:
Yeah.
Aimee Raupp:
It's like there's cracks, there's traumas, there's breaks, but the light can enter and things can transform through it.
Aleksandra:
Just be open to the healing and accept that you're worthy of it.
Aimee Raupp:
Yes.
Aleksandra:
As women we often, we're there for everyone. We're the nurturers and the lovers, and the healers, and we just want to give, give, give. And we never take back for ourselves. We never feel that we're worthy of receiving it. So, just yeah, open yourself up to it and work with Aimee. Come to our group, join the family.
Aimee Raupp:
[crosstalk 00:57:56] Join the family, yes. Well, thank you my love. I kept you for a good hour. And thank you to everybody on Facebook watching. Honor each journey guys, one loss is too many. Yeah, just people are pouring in the comments. 129 comments you got now at this point, young lady.
Aleksandra:
I just hope that it helps somebody and it gives them the inspiration to just keep going, just keep at it. Don't feel that you need to trust this one doctor or…
Aimee Raupp:
Yeah, move on.
Aleksandra:
Just keep going until you…
Aimee Raupp:
It's your money, it's your body, it's your time, it's your baby. You do what you need to do. You don't have to stay where it doesn't feel good. Period. Yeah. And I say that a lot too in the group, don't I. Your money, your body, your baby. That's when I'm on fire in the group sometimes. Sometimes I'm meditative and calm, and sometimes I get fierce.
Aleksandra:
That's the great thing. Because you're a straight shooter as well. And you're just like, “Nah, I'm going to tell you how it needs to be.”
Aimee Raupp:
Uh uh. Yeah. All right, my love. I love you. Have a beautiful Sunday with your family.
Aleksandra:
I love you too. Thank you. Thank you for having me on. I feel so honored.
Aimee Raupp:
I am so honored to be in this with you, so thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, I love you. Kiss that baby for me.
Aleksandra:
I will do.
Aimee Raupp:
Okay, bye everybody.
Aleksandra:
Bye.
Aimee Raupp:
So Steph, congratulations. And yeah, if you guys want to know more about the course, I'm sure the links are posted everywhere but AimeeRaupp.com/yes. And cart closes on Monday evening, Eastern time 11:59 p.m. So if you want in, get in. All right. Bye.
Aleksandra:
Bye.
End of Transcript
Aimee Raupp is a licensed herbalist, natural fertility expert and acupuncturist in NYC, offering natural fertility treatment, care & coaching solutions to women who want to get pregnant! Get pregnant fast with natural fertility care, Aimee’s online fertility shop & coaching solutions. Aimee Raupp has helped hundreds of women to get pregnant naturally! Aimee and her team are experts in Chinese Medicine, Massage & Eastern Nutrition! Get pregnant naturally, achieve optimal health & vitality, take control of your health! Aimee is excited to work with you at one of the Aimee Raupp Wellness Centers NYC. Aimee's Fertility Coaching Program is a personal guidance along your fertility journey. If you are trying to get pregnant naturally, this program is for you! Aimee Raupp offers holistic, wellness and natural fertility books. Learn how to enhance your fertility and get pregnant naturally with Aimee’s cookbooks and diet guides! Shop Aimee Raupp's natural fertility shop with online workshops, videos, consultation and coaching on fertility, meditation and healthy nutrition! Shop Aimee Raupp Beauty – Natural Hormone Balancing Skincare. Achieve natural hormone balancing with the Aimee Raupp Beauty Line of organic, gluten-free, dairy-free & cruelty-free skincare products! FREE US shipping! Natural Oils, Creams & Balms for Face And Body. Unbeatable anti-aging results! FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA Follow me on social media so you don't miss these sessions live!
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