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Story of Hope: Deep Emotional Work Helped Bring Her Baby Through!

Are you ready for a new Story of Hope?!

In this video we go through a case, share their struggles, and talk about what we did together to overcome them and rejuvenate their fertility.

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SEE TRANSCRIPT BELOW OR CLICK ON THE IMAGE ABOVE FOR THE FULL VIDEO.

Aimee:

Well, hello everyone. Here I am again. I was just live doing the Q and A. Now I'm back for another Story of Hope. So what that means for all of you is that there's going to be another scholarship that we give away here. The more active, excited commenty you are, the more likely it is that you will win. Yeah. And now I am waiting for my love, Jamie, to come on and join me. Let's see. I don't think I see you yet, Jamie, but if you're on, just hit the plus button at the bottom of your screen, the little video camera with the plus and then that will help me know you're here and then I can add you to the video. I just want to make sure. Team, do you see her? I don't think I see her yet.

No, I don't think I see her yet. So we will wait. Miss Jamie, I started working with her back when I had… Here for the Story of Hope. Yes, you are. Here she is. There's my love. I started working with Jamie before I had electronic health record system, so everything is handwritten. But then we have worked since and I have it in the computer. Here she is. I can't wait to… It's let her come on. I'm excited. Oh, hi.

Jamie:

Hi.

Aimee:

You look so beautiful. How are you?

Jamie:

So I'm great, thank you.

Aimee:

Hi. Thank you for doing this. I appreciate it so much.

Jamie:

Yeah, it's my pleasure.

Aimee:

Aww. How's everything at home?

Jamie:

Good. Yeah. Little guy is two months old today, so we're having a mini birthday. A mini birthday today.

Aimee:

Yay. Yay. Is he having fun? He's enjoying his new gigs in life.

Jamie:

Yeah, he is. He's very happy, very easy, very fun. We're super blessed. Yeah.

Aimee:

How are you feeling?

Jamie:

Good. I mean, C-section recovery is no joke. So that was a little more than I probably anticipated, just in terms of how long it really takes to feel mobile in a way that is sort of fully what you want to be doing as a new mom. But other than that, super great.

Aimee:

Aw, good, good. I have C-section recovery tips in that new mama guide. I don't know if you saw that, but there's some good things in there like for the scar and stuff like that. Or just message me later and I'll share stuff with you so email me.

Jamie:

Okay.

Aimee:

Because if you stay on top of the scar and all that too, it's like it'll be nonexistent, honestly.

Jamie:

Yeah, it's pretty crazy how quickly it all heals. It's cool to watch if that stuff interests you, it's very interesting to watch, but more healing going on in the inside than the outside, that's for sure.

Aimee:

Yeah, I know, I know. You'll get there. So let's do it. Let's share with, I mean everybody's here eager for another story of Hope. So I mean, of course I know your case well, but why don't you share a bit about your journey or I know we have highlights listed out here too. Jamie did over 20 IUIs for five years, right? That was a big one. But yeah, why don't you jump in and share some things.

Jamie:

Yeah, so I always knew I wanted to be a mom. Froze egg in my late thirties and didn't get married until I was 40. So started thinking about baby way before I was married, but it was really important to me to have a partner in doing the whole joy of it. So we started trying naturally about a year after we got married and really wanted to exhaust every possible tool in our arsenal before having to use those eggs that were frozen. So as Aimee said, we did a number of IUIs. I started working with Aimee both in group coaching and one on one. Obviously reading all of her books and paying attention to any little nugget that she put out there. And that was really helpful for me in terms of the continuity of having a community, not just Aimee of course, who is wonderful, but just the whole community as well.

And listening to other people's stories. I think it took those number of years to feel not just confident in the actual things I was doing, the food, the routines, the meditations, the sleep, all of those good things. But to feel confident that this baby was really coming. We did two rounds of IVF, both retrieved a high number of eggs but no healthy embryos. And then finally, we decided to use my eggs that were on ice, as I like to say. And ended up using half of those eggs. We took 12 eggs and ended up with two normal, normal embryos and then implanted last year. And baby boy is two months old.

Aimee:

That's a nice summary of it all. And I think too, so she froze those eggs at 38, like she said. And you still have 12 more frozen. Right?

Jamie:

Yep. Yeah, we do.

Aimee:

Which is amazing. And I think our work, even though we didn't, if you will get to a healthy embryo in your current state it's still was… Whereas some people might say, Oh well. But I think too, the lead up of our work, and Jamie came to me already being an uber healthy individual on so many levels. You had all the things already on lockdown from the diet and supplement, lifestyle wise, and then there were tweaks. But it was that emotional support throughout that whole process for those years doing the IUIs, even moving to IVF, getting to the right doctors. And then ultimately coming to the decision of like, okay, let's go back and use these eggs. And that seeing that as part of the evolution of the process, not like this plan B that you were trying to avoid, if you will, and really coming to peace with that. And then also I do think the work that we did together really lent itself to, I guess the ease with which you did get pregnant once we had the embryo.

Jamie:

Yeah, I mean for me it was sort the last puzzle piece fell into place and then it was really the confidence and of gratitude that had been built into my body to do the carrying. I mean, it really is true that it was the hardest part for me was getting that healthy embryo in my body. And then once it was there, it was all of the preparatory work that had gone into it, just loaded right in and was deployed immediately for that incredible little guy. So I think for me in hindsight, it really was super clear once that embryo was in that I was ready to go and that I was prepared and mentally ready and emotionally sort of fruitful. I had a lot to give and spiritually just aligned, right aligned.

And of course I couldn't see that quite the same or with the same clarity as I felt it once it happened. But because of course when you're on this path it's so easy to just focus on the what's the next thing, what's the next thing? But for sure all that work just came to life the minute that embryo was there.

Aimee:

Yeah, and I talk about that too, if you don't mind, of the spiritual journey that you really went on over the years that we worked together too. It was like, I feel like you just went so deep spiritually and that shifted you to this, I don't know, almost like this higher level I think of really getting into receiving mode and how you managed. I think it really helped, We always would have those deep philosophical conversations whenever we had our coaching sessions, but I think it also helped you navigate what you were going through. I mean, 20 IUIs and multiple rounds of IVF that it was a lot on you.

Jamie:

I laughed when I went in for my postpartum well visit with my OB because my fertility doc and my OB are in the same building. And I was walking through the lobby to the elevator and I was like, I've been in this building once a month for five years and I do not have to come back here ever again if I don't want to.

Aimee:

Right.

Jamie:

So there really is this physical routine and it can become very grueling and a little monotonous. And as Aimee said, for me, health is a really core part of my existence and the health and the routine is a spiritual thing. But even for me it got to be a little bit of a slog and feel a little bit not a burden, just like it got to feeling kind of mechanical. And I was sort of laughing about that as I was walking through the elevator lobby the other day. But I would say two things about that journey and I'll just be very, very honest. I think I had underestimated the weight that gets placed on us about being older and also about, I have a pretty big job. Like big in terms of hours and intensity. Not big, so important but big. Just a load, big load, big load job.

And I think there was a piece of me that had sort of culturally assimilated this idea that maybe I didn't deserve to be a mom or I wouldn't be a good mom because how would I fit it in? Or I would have to give up some of my life or just there were, there's these nagging things that embed themselves in our energy systems about being older or about just for me, about being older and about being a professional. And I'm sure there are a litany of other things that get embedded in our systems from different backgrounds or cultures or races or orientations. There's just stuff and those things accumulate kind of plaque or residue over time. And when you get to the place at the ripe old age of 41, there's been a lot of it. And I always said to Aimee, the hardest part for me in all of our work is the meditating, is the believing, the visualization. I can visualize myself with a two year old at the park, but-

Aimee:

Being Pregnant was so hard for you.

Jamie:

Sit with getting pregnant. I can't conjure up an image or a sensation of actually being pregnant. And that for me spiritually was really hard to accept that I couldn't and I didn't at some point want to force myself into kind of fake it till you make it. That just didn't seem right. And so I did have this little… The closest I could get was at night I would look at the stars and I would look up at the Constellation Orion, which is my baby boy's name. And I would just say, I know that you're up there and if you come to me in this life, I will love you forever and I know you're there. And that was kind of as close as I could get. And here he is and that's his name. And I do believe that we called him in. And I think it's really important to share that you don't have to be great at everything Aimee tells you to do. And if there's a piece that's missing, it doesn't mean I wasn't spiritually connected, it just meant that I was doing it in a slightly different way.

Aimee:

That's it. That's it. And that was a lot of, we spent a lot of time going through what will life look like for me being pregnant? How will my job look? How will, and that was I think a big piece. And it's a big piece for so many and I think whether or not people always realize it, but just it didn't have to be perfect. And yeah, we never got the full visualization of you. I feel like I could see you pregnant, but it was hard for you and that was fine. So what? Okay so we can't do that. You know what I mean? That's fine. I say this a lot of maybe we can't visualize our pregnancy until we're actually pregnant and maybe that's fine. You know what I mean? I mean there's just a lot of pressure of this that toxic positivity of you have to do it this way otherwise you're not going to have your baby.

Jamie:

Totally.

Aimee:

But a lot of unpacking around that I think around that being a professional and being in your forties and did I have to sacrifice one to do the other? And that piece of coming to terms with no, I can actually have the life of my dreams, I can have it all. And am I open to seeing what it looks like versus saying what it has to look like? Right.

Jamie:

And I think there's also, for me, a piece in just knowing that I didn't have to know. And I think the pandemic disruption of life also really assisted with that because everybody's lives looked different. Everybody's approaches to working, home life, kid life, everything was different. And so in that disruption, I sort of found a little peace with the fact that I was going to be different too. I will say, I do think resting made a huge impact for me. Not being on a plane, not physically pushing, pushing all the time. I do think that from the non-spiritual or emotional side, that is the one distinction that was a huge bonus. And in pregnancy, if you're tired at work, it's really hard to lay on the floor and take a nap. Although I'm sure people manage it, but when you're working from home, you can find your couch and lay down for 20 minutes or whatever.

So I'm really hopeful that some of the relaxed standards of office time will help some of the mamas to be get the rest that they need. But aside from that, I do think that creating the space of not needing to know was the most important piece for me. Because once I got pregnant, it was like I was so happy being pregnant, there was not a minute of struggle of what is this? What does it look like? It was like, this is amazing and I'm so happy.

Aimee:

Yeah, you were so ready at, I think when that came through. It was like, it just fell right into place, if you will. But I do think too, I think that's a good point. When we first met you were traveling a lot and work was really intense and there was this, okay, yeah, what will it look like? I remember us talking through of like, okay, are we hopping on a plane to San Francisco and we're bringing the baby and the nanny or we're not. Do you remember working through those scenarios? And then it was this beautiful thing that happened when covid hit where it was like, oh, this could be the pace that actually works for me. I felt like that almost opened up another door, a slither of like, oh, now this is actually easier for me to see. And it feels like a lot less pressure.

And I mean, I always trust the timing of our lives and it's like, I anticipated it happening for you and that's my job, but the entire time and holding that space. But it really did feel like too, there was just this for you of like, Oh, now I'm here, now this is, And then thinking about using those eggs from the past, which yeah, why else did we freeze them if we weren't going to potentially use them? Right? Yeah. You know what I mean? Let's just do it. And I think that's it too, of not needing to prove anything but more being in this space of, okay, this is another option for me and this is a very valid great option. Let's go and do it. Versus, and I see that a lot too in the women I work with where, and I think that's the societal pressure too of I can do it, I can do this, I can do all these things. And it's like, okay, but we can also surrender and I don't know, be open to other possibilities, I suppose is the way to look at it.

Jamie:

It was really hard for me to use those eggs.

Aimee:

I know.

Jamie:

And I think that we don't really talk about that a lot in this setting just because there's an assumption that if you freeze them, you'll use them. And even my fertility doc was like, you've got these eggs. She was very cool about it and very sweet and always let me lead. But did feel compelled to remind me that there was something else in our toolkit if we needed it. But it was really important that I not use those eggs until I was ready to use those eggs. And for me, it was like there was so much emotion tied up in using those eggs because that was it, right? That was my last shot [inaudible 00:18:42] that was sensation. And so you have to be really ready. And I think a lot of, this will probably happen more in the future because so many women are banking all kinds of things, not just eggs but early in life and so have no visibility into when they might use them, which is great.

But I think it's something that's worth talking about because it is not necessarily… The first fertility doc I went to just treated me like I was stupid for even trying after 40 and I wasn't ready. So that part is important to have a discussion about with yourself because I almost felt like a little bit of shame for my commitment to try naturally in wider circles like outside of Aimee and my doctor and my husband. It was like I just didn't talk about it very much because people thought I was a little naive.

Aimee:

And then I think even freezing eggs 38, a lot of shame goes around that too of like, Oh, you waited too long. 30 eight's too old. I mean, I hear that a lot. I have girls that want to freeze 40 and doctors will be like, well what's the point of that? But then I see healthy children born to 45 year old women. Do you know what I mean? I'm like, no, there's definitely options and possibilities, but I understand that too of, and that is part of it too. We broke the batch in half and it felt like that felt safe to you of like, okay, let's do this, let's do half of them and see. And then out of that, getting the two and it was just like. And now, you could have a family of two just with those 12 [inaudible 00:20:28] if fall goes well. If you transfer another one. No pressure, two months out.

Jamie:

Oh my OB was so funny when I went back in. She was like, just so you know, I really hope you use that second embryo. It'd be super fun. And you're like, okay, thanks. I'm leaking milk as you sitting here. I'm a little preoccupied.

Aimee:

Yeah, yeah. No. But it is a luxury. Especially you do understand even having had those eggs, which I know there's a lot of women on here that don't have that in the bank, if you will. But for you to put your best into those attempts for all those 20 IUIs and all those IVFs, and it's like to now know on the other side of, and I see a lot of women with that. Now I have this extra embryo sitting there, am I going to use it? There is all, you get plagued with that stuff too. I see that a lot where some women are like, I don't want to have another, and I know that this is a lot of you on here are so eager for this dream baby, so this is even hard to contemplate. But it's an interesting conundrum to find yourself into on the other side. But I'm sure for you, just that sense of relief of, okay, I made it through this so now I get to decide what I want to do next. It's very empowering.

Jamie:

Yeah.

Aimee:

I love it. Well thank you for sharing everything. What words of wisdom, because I know you have some for our girls who are out there and I guess trying so hard to bring this baby through, having get gotten to the other side.

Jamie:

Yeah, I would just say talk to that baby in whatever way works for you. I think it's really, really important. For me personally, I believed that baby was there. Whether he was coming through in this lifetime or not, that was my own spiritual belief. And so I just didn't have a conversation with myself about him never coming through or the baby never coming through. It was just a temporal thing. This is happening now or we'll meet again on the next round is the view I had about it. And I just strongly encourage a conversation with the baby in whatever way is possible. Even if it's not sort visceral feeling in you. Just having at least a spiritual conversation really kind of kept me through. And I also tried to compartmentalize a little bit. Like when I went to the doctor all those many times there's a Starbucks underneath the building, as in every building on the planet.

And people would say, I say, Where are you going? And I would say, I'm going to get a hot chocolate. And I would literally go get a hot chocolate after every single visit to that building. And so it just became like I'm going on my hot chocolate run. And then when I wanted to really unload on the crappy parts of how heavy or hard it was, I did that with Aimee. And I didn't really do it anywhere else so that I was appropriately addressing those issues, those feelings, those struggles. But I wasn't spending my day with those feelings. I was just going to get a hot chocolate. And that piece is also really important and is so difficult, right? Because it's so consuming. You just want to think about it all the time. It's like for me, there was a period where I felt if I just thought about it more, maybe I would solve the pain in my heart about it. And it's like, that's not really how it works.

You're just going to walk around with that pain. It's just going to sit there adjacent to whatever other joy you let in and all the other parts of your life. And so just making peace with that little bit of heartache and trying to turn my view of that heartache in into love. That heartache is really just love. It's just love.

Aimee:

It's longing, it's like a longing love. And yeah, I always think too spiritually how I was taught in the spiritual realm of when you feel that separation, it's because you're meant to be together. So feeling that heartache is actually a sign that deep, your inner knowing knows. And so it's almost using that as a tool to help you navigate. And I like that, making peace with it.

Jamie:

Yeah. It's like this is a part of me and-

Aimee:

[inaudible 00:25:02] someone just quoted you, I love it. Letting heartache become love.

Jamie:

On the other side, what it is all for. And for me, the other side is this baby boy. And for other people, the other side can be lots of different things for sure. But I also think giving yourself rest is really difficult in our culture. And that struggle doesn't end once you make the baby. Now I'm thinking about going back to work and how I'm going to rest to make sure my milk supply stays amazing. And it's this concept of rest you have to make your own way with in all sort of phases of life. But I think in the conception stage, the additional feature of rest for me was what made my pregnancy so joyful. So it's not just having the result, it's the experience that you are having while you're doing the thing and rest. It was just a huge lesson about rest for me.

Aimee:

Yeah, the slow down and rest is nourishment and just that piece of coming back home to you and honoring your needs, hearing your needs instead of the go society where we just kind of push them down and move through them.

Jamie:

Yeah, yeah.

Aimee:

Huge piece. I love it. I love it. I'm going to give away a scholarship right now, so hang tight and then we'll wrap it up. I just saw you on here. It's Lilia, I don't know how to say the full name. Where are you? Here we go. Lilia Loheska. Hot chocolate run, that girl. The one who wrote, “Got chocolate run. So funny.” You're winning the scholarship to the e-course. So we will see you next week in the weekly Q and A and I can't wait. And just message beth at AimeeRaupp.com and she will get you hooked up with what's next for you. So congratulations. And Jamie, thank you so much for coming and sharing your deep insight. As always, I always enjoy our conversations even in the public realm.

Jamie:

My pleasure.

Aimee:

And I think that's the biggest takeaway is let the heartache become love and also just making peace with it of like I long for this thing, hence why I feel this way. We can't do anything to erase that and I don't think we should strive for that. It's acceptance just, but also is there joy around it? Right? You know what I mean? How am I filling up the joy bucket in conjunction with having this heartache?

Jamie:

Totally.

Aimee:

Yeah. I love it. Okay.

Jamie:

Thank you, Aimee.

Aimee:

Goodluck. Kiss that beautiful boy from me and I will, and email me if you want to talk about the C-section recovery stuff. Okay.

Jamie:

Cool. Thank you.

Aimee:

Okay, thank you. All right. Goodbye everyone. Thank you so much. That was such a beautiful story and I just always adored talking with her. Like all of my clients, it's such a beautiful relationship I get to form.

Yeah. So even for all of you in your late thirties to know too that the eggs that she collected in her late thirties still rendered a two PGT normals and with older sperm as well. I think her husband's about the same age as her now. But it's also about coming to terms and peace and being open to all the possibilities. And I think that's the biggest takeaway for so many of us, of if this baby's coming through, it's when and am I open to all the many ways that it can make its presence. And I do love that piece of advice about connecting with the spirit of your child and just talking with them and letting them know that if you choose to come through in this lifetime, I will love you forever. Like I love how she said that, and it is, it's just so special and so true.

And if not, there's an Erykah Badu song that's something like, I guess I'll see you next lifetime. That's what makes me think about it of just like we're together no matter what. And that the heartache is that separation, but you can also use that as a sign too of the togetherness. Okay, I love you guys. I'm going to go because I've been on screens since a lot, since 9:00 AM basically, and I'm going to take a break for a half hour and I'll see you at the fertility hot seat. And Lilia, congratulations. We'll see you in the weekly Q and A next week, and I can't wait for you to dive into the e-course and all of its materials. And to the rest of you, one more scholarship will be given away tonight at the Story of Hope at 7:00 PM with Kayana and a promo code to whoever gets chosen for my hot seat at two o'clock.

And the doors do close to the yes, you can get pregnant e-course this evening. So you have about 10 hours left to make your decision, 10 and a half hours I guess to be exact, to join this round of the yes, you can get pregnant e-course. There is a lot that you get with this e-course. You never get kicked out of this e-course, the program never ends. It ends when you get pregnant and we move you to the new mama group. So keep that in mind. A lot of people are asking, when does the program end? When do I stop having access to the Q and As? The answer is never. Jamie, for instance, if she decides to transfer another one of those embryos, she'll just going to reup, she's just going come back to the group, start coming to the Q and As again. It's what a lot of my girls do and I pride myself on that.

That once you're a part of this community, you're a part of this community and you don't go away unless you decide to go away. So I love you guys, AimeeRaupp.com/basic is what you can use to just get right to the checkout page and purchase your course. On that page, there is a four payment plan option and the regular. And then also if you do AimeeRaupp/7, the number seven, P-A-Y. That's the seven payment plan option. Let's do it. Let's do it. And as you can see, my work with Jamie was obviously very pragmatic I suppose, but we had deep spiritual conversations and a lot of unpacking, a lot of reworking belief systems. And I meet my clients where they're at and so that's what she needed and what she wanted, I should say, needed necessarily. What she wanted. And yeah. Okay, tchau for now, I'll see you later.

END TRANSCRIPT.

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