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Doing all the things & still not pregnant? {EXPERT FERTILITY ADVICE}

Do you feel like you're doing all the things and you still aren't pregnant? You've read books, listened to podcasts, attended every free summit imaginable, cut out certain foods (and maybe even caffeine and alcohol), and you're taking so many supplements your cupboard looks like a pharmacy…

WHEW! Its a LOT.

But it still hasn't happened yet… UGH

​​It sucks.

But that's what we're unpacking in this video.

Comment below with your thoughts!

Grab your free fertility visualization here: aimeeraupp.com/freevisualization

Disclaimer: Please keep in mind that I am not a medical doctor. I have been a practitioner of Traditional Chinese Medicine for over 17 years and I will be speaking from my clinical experience helping thousands of women conceive. The office of Aimee E. Raupp, M.S., L.Ac and Aimee Raupp Wellness & Fertility Centers and all personnel associated with the practice do not use social media to convey medical advice. This video will be posted to Aimee’s channels to educate and inspire others on the fertility journey.

PLEASE SEE BELOW FOR FULL TRANSCRIPT OR CLICK IMAGE FOR VIDEO

Hi, how is everyone? Hi. It's good to see all of you. I, as always, am super honored and excited to get to come to you live every single week and share with you what I think are just important topics to talk about. And as most of you know, because you follow me, I'm Aimee of aimeeraupp.com. I'm the author of quite a few books. This one's sitting here on my desk, so I'll hold this one up. Yes You Can Get Pregnant is one of my very popular fertility books. I also recently wrote The Egg Quality Diet, Body Belief, my book on auto immunity and my very first book called Chill Out & Get Healthy.

I've been in the field of helping women realize their best life and amplify their health on every level for about 20 years. I'm an acupuncturist and herbalist with a background in biology, in chemistry and research science. I'm also working on a functional medicine degree right now. I have this amazing community of all of you. I have online coaches and myself and all my coaches work with women all over the world. And I also have practices in the tri-state area, New York City, [Nyack 00:01:28], New York and Westport, Connecticut. And I, myself, am there to see patients. And also I have associates there.

We, meaning my team and I, are in the business of helping all of you live your best possible life. And for many of you, that means bringing through a healthy, beautiful child into your healthy, beautiful home. And as I often say, my job is not a positive pregnancy test. I think that piece of the puzzle is amazing to get to for many of my women. For some, it's getting the baby all the way home. I mean, for all of you, but some have miscarriages. I deal a lot with recurrent pregnancy loss and endometriosis and polycystic and all the things. But my goal is not that positive pregnancy test. It's really, my goal is getting a woman back into her power. Because what I see in this process is the power being taken away. “I'm not good enough. I'm too old. I'm broken. These things aren't working for me. They're working for others. What's wrong with me?”

And so, it seemed like a popular conversation that was going on last week with some of my personal coaching clients and then coaching clients that my team members, my fertility coaches on Team Aimee are working with. And so I said, “I want to do a live on this topic. I want to talk about this.” And what seemed to be coming up was just this kind of frustration of, “I'm doing all the things and I'm still not pregnant. What fucking gives? Like what more could I possibly do? I'm doing all the things. Why is it not happening for me?”

And I mean, the truth is my very honest clinical experience, 20 years clinician experience answer is I don't know. I don't know the answer. We can make assumptions. We can guess, but I do often get spiritual when this conversation comes up because one thing I like to remind all of you is it's not just about you. It's about what I think is divine timing. And it's about the right timing for you and for this child to come through. And it's really about you being in your most prepared space and receiving the opportunity when it comes through. You can't control when that opportunity comes through. Even if you're doing IVF, I don't think you can control so much when that opportunity comes through.

But what you can do is show up for yourself in that way of being prepared, in that way of nourishing yourself on all the levels, mental, emotional, physical, and nutritional. Yeah, and letting it go, [Ashley 00:04:31], I totally agree. And I think that's the key to it, which I always joke if I could bottle surrender and sell it, I would. I probably wouldn't even sell it, I'd just give it away. I'd just wave a wand. If I could do that, I totally would. Are you kidding me? It's painful. And it's frustrating for me when I look at some of my clients and I'm like, “Girl, you are fucking knocking it out of the park. You eat like a rockstar. You're taking all the supplements. You're doing the things. You're journaling, you're sleeping, you're moving your body. You're finding joy in your life. I don't know why you're not pregnant yet.”

And it's frustrating for me, too. But what I can say is just stay the course and you keep coming back home to you and nourishing you and knowing you won't be you forgotten. Knowing your time isn't up yet. Knowing in your heart of hearts that you still believe in this child, you still believe in the possibility of this child coming through. Sometimes that's hanging on by a thread, but that's all we need at this point. And you keep doing what you do for you.

I have had more than 10 women that have been in this process for more than six to eight years. And then boom, it just happens. So, how do I rationalize that in [inaudible 00:05:57]. In my clinician mind I say, “Okay, maybe she was just one of those ones that needed two years on the diet. She was one of those ones that needed two years of recovering from the stress and the oxidation that her previous light brought on to her.” Two years in the healing of her gut and of her nervous system and of her hormones. Some girls need three months. Some girls need six months. Some girls don't need any months. Some girls need three years.

Some of that I do think is a biological, physiological response to the lifestyle changes. And then some of it, I also look at as such divinity. There's divinity in the timing. And a dear friend, who's a highly spiritual individual had said to me once when she was trying for her first and having difficulties and working with me. She said… one day she called me. She goes, “Oh my God. I just realized that this isn't just about me. This is about a relationship that I'm forming with this future child. And so my job as the parent…” And I want you all to think of yourself as that. You're parents. You're parents in the making. You're parents to these babies up there in that spiritual realm. “My job, as a parent, is to show up for my child, to let them know that I love them. I am supporting them. I'm creating this safe environment for them. They are safe to come through when it's right for them.”

And sometimes even more spiritual out there when it's right for their siblings, when it's right for their parents, all the parents, when it's right for the world, all sorts of things. And if you want to dive deeper on this, I am by no means the expert, but I've just been doing this a long time. The book, Spirit Babies by Walter Makichen, the book, Energetic Fertility Method by Nancy Mae. Nancy Mae studied with Walter. Walter's no longer alive. Nancy is still very much alive and practicing in this space and is powerful.

But if you want to go deeper on that level of that spirit baby work, I think it's really helpful. But I also think even if the energetics don't totally speak to you and I respect them, I respect it. If they don't, it's more about… I don't want to say patience, because you've been waiting long enough, but it's just about cruising, I guess at that point. That's how I would look at it. And hang on till the end too. I made a really special visualization, which is not a normal thing I do. I usually do meditations, but I made a really special visualization about trying that I'm going to share with all you guys. It's free, totally free. So just hang on, I'm going to share the link with everybody in probably about 10 minutes or so.

Even if the spiritual side of things doesn't necessarily speak to you, could you then just say to yourself, “All right, I'm doing all the things I could possibly do. There's nothing more I need to do. I've checked all the boxes. I'm doing the things.” Be really honest with yourself. Have you really checked all the boxes? Have you looked at that emotional piece? Are there things in your relationship that still need some work? Are there things in the relationship you have with you that maybe you haven't looked at? Are you hitting the marks on the diet? Are you hitting the marks on the supplements? Are you taking time for you? Downtime for you? Are you doing some form of mindfulness? I don't care what it is. If it's meditation, if it's walking in nature, if it's singing, if it's dancing, if it's journaling, are you doing something to nourish you on a regular basis?

Are you living your life for right now? Do you have joy in your life right now? Not, “I'll be happy when the baby comes.” Really, first of all, be honest with yourself. Am I really doing all the things? And I'm not one… I'm not judging. I'm just saying I think these are the steps. This is how I look at it. Am I doing all the things? Am I really doing all the… Am I honestly showing up for myself? And I think we're all human and we give ourselves that humanness factor of, okay, so it's an 80, 20 rule. 80% of the times, am I doing the things that I know feel right for my body, feel good for my body, feel good for my digestion and my skin and my sleep and my joy?

One teacher at the school of applied functional medicine, well, she's the head of the school, Tracy Harrison. She says, “Are you getting enough vitamin J?” Vitamin joy. And she's like… and I do these [Dutch 00:10:52] consults all the time and I'm digging deep into functional medicine lab work and all that. And everyone says the same thing. “You could have the perfect labs. You could have the perfect eggs. You could have the perfect diet and the perfect supplements and all the things, and stress could be the cause.” And I hate saying that word, because it's not that there's our fault and life can be stressful, especially the state of the world right now and going through a pandemic. Life is fucking stressful and it's a lot, but are we finding ways to soothe ourselves? To soothe our souls, to have compassion for ourselves and meet ourselves and say, “Good on you, good on you. I think you're doing a great job of supporting yourself, of supporting your family, your growing family, your family to be, whatever it is. You're showing up for you in so many beautiful ways.”

And then sure, there are moments where you're human, having a human experience, and that's okay too. Instead of the saboteur that comes in and is like, “Look, you're doing all these things. It's still not working. Fuck it. Fuck it all. Throw it in the towel. I'm eating McDonald's. I'm dropping the supplements. Didn't work for me. Burning this book. I'm unfollowing these people. I hate them all.” I don't know that there's a lot of joy in that. That set's blame. That's shame. That's hatred. That's anger. So, let's honestly look at that anger. Let's look at all the pieces with an honest lens. And I want you to be able to also come home to the fact that I have faith in you. I believe in you. I do. There's not a single girl that comes to me and says… I'm so getting emotional, that says that she wants a baby. And I don't look at her and say, “I have faith in you.” Because if you have that desire, I do believe there's a way you can connect the dots. I have seen it so many times and I believe it for you, but not my job to say, “You're not doing it right,” or, “You're doing it wrong.” I'm here to help provide tools. I'm a guide. I'm a support. I've been doing this a long time.

What's your honest truth with you? When you look in the mirror, do you like who you see? Are you proud of how you show up for you? Are you willing, and I think you are, are you willing to wait for this child to come through with the exact right time for them and for you and for this world and for all the other people in your family? Are you willing to trust your child before they even come through in fruition? Are you willing to trust in the process? Hope is going to fade and it's going to come and it's going to go. And there's going to be moments of anger and disappointment.

Disappointment is a big word that came up yesterday with two of my coaching clients. It is disappointing to be showing up for yourself and to get your period. It is. It is. But I don't want you to necessarily translate that disappointment onto you solely. Does that make sense? Honor it, recognize it. “That's disappointing because I'm doing so much for me and I feel so ready.” And so yes, it's disappointing. Just honor that, say it out loud, take a moment with it, but don't let it, I think, seep deeper than that to this unworthiness core or this broken core. Because that's where I think the disappointment can then lead to the sabotage because it triggers, it activates that maybe there's a core belief in there that's like, “I'm not good enough. See, I can do all the things and see, it still doesn't work for me.”

And instead just say, “It's normal to have disappointment when you're trying for something that you want.” Isn't that the most normal thing on the planet? A hundred percent. So, can I allow myself to feel disappointed and still feel hopeful? Can I have both emotions at the same time? Absolutely. I think you're doing all the things, you're still not pregnant. That's super frustrating.

Another thing I'll bring up to my girls though, is I just say, “So are you done then? That's it? You're closing the door on that baby?” “Oh God, no.” I'm like, “Okay, well then you're still here.” So you're still here. So just own that too. You're disappointed. You are frustrated, but you are still here and you are not leaving. Just call it out. And if you're into the spiritual side of things, if you're into that spirit baby work, start talking to your baby. “Hey, mama's ready. I'm ready. I've got all these things lined up. Look at how fun this life is down here. When are you ready to come through? Look at all the love. Look at all the things.” Start inviting and ask, “If there's anything else I need to be doing, could you guide me? Could you give me a sign? Could you support me? Is there anything I'm missing?” And most of the time too, if we take some time to be quiet and we just take some deep breaths, hands over our heart or wherever feels comfortable.

Am I doing everything I possibly can? Is there something that I'm not looking at? Chances are, the first thing that pops into your head is the thing. And again, I'm not here to point out things you're doing wrong or things you're missing. I don't believe that. I always believe we're exactly where we're supposed to be and that life is unfolding exactly how it is, even if we don't like it in the moment. But listen to what you hear. Is there something… What else is in the way? I ask that of my clients all the time. “What do you think? Because from my perspective, you got it all, girl, you're lined up. What do you think it is?” And a lot of times it's like, “My relationship could use work,” or, “I'm really unhappy at my job and I fucking hate it and I've been waiting to quit it because I'm waiting to take advantage of maternity leave.”

Okay, so that's a lot of pressure to put on the baby. But let's think of that. Let's look at that. Or, “You know what? I really missed X, Y, and Z in my life and I've cut it out and that was a big part of my joy.” Okay, so we're limiting joy in our lives. And so, taking time to listen. Are you moving slower in your life? Did you create space for this child? That came up in a conversation with a client yesterday where I just said to her, “I really want you to think about how much you give away of yourself. Stop giving so much of yourself away to your job, to other people in your life and start thinking about what am I keeping for me? I want you to have extra for you. I don't want us at a zero point at the end of every day, that we've just given it all away. I want us to end our day in a plus 30 category. If there's a hundred, at least a plus 30, maybe a plus 50, that like… And this is for me, because I am worthy of my energy and my love and this extra energy and love is what's going to make this baby.”

Because a lot of times too, women come to me and they're doing all the things. They got their checklists, they got their spreadsheets. This is when they take that supplement and the AM and the PM and they got their whole fertility story outlined in a spreadsheet and it's highly… That's a lot of control. That's the first thing I see. There's a lot of control and a lot of energy being spent on… And it's like stakes in the ground. “This are all the things I am doing. Where is my baby?” And it's like, that doesn't seem joyous to me at all.

Some people love charts. Makes them happy. I don't work like that, but I respect it. I'm a bit throw it at the wall and see what sticks kind of girl. But where is the joy in all of the things? Am I doing all the things just for baby? Or am I doing all the things because now I sleep better, my poop's better, I feel less bloated, my period when it comes, is so much easier, I'm happier, my life, I love the way my skin looks, I love the way my hair looks? Is that why you're doing the things or are you just doing the things just for baby?

And so, it's a good thing to reflect upon. It's a good thing to tune in. Is there anything else I'm missing? I always hear from me is like, “Slow down. Slow down a little bit more. Take some deep breaths. Trust in the process. Trust in the support and the love that surrounds you. Trust in the desire that is there.” It's the trust piece. And I think Ashley, what you said earlier of the surrender is the key, we can't surrender unless we trust. Think about that.

Would you ever fall backwards on the trampoline if you didn't see it? Having that kind of blind faith requires trust. So, do you trust that you were called to desire this baby for a reason? And do you trust that the baby's going to come through at their right time? And do you trust that it's about you showing up for you? You getting back into your power, you taking care of you. You nourishing you. You finding joy in your life without the baby right now. The joy along the way, my spiritual teacher, [Abraham 00:20:42], always says that. “It's about the joy along the way.”

And she also says, “The key to enjoying and flowing with your life is letting go of the oars. Just being in the boat and letting it take you where it takes you versus controlling on so tightly.” That's the piece that can be holding us back. And so, without further ado, I actually just want to share with you Facebook. I'm going to post it right here, my free visualization. It's if you go to aimeeraupp.com/freevisualization, you will get access to that trying visualization and I think you will like it. I hope you will.

This is all me, someone says, “Beautiful woman, you look great.” Oh you're sweet. “I needed this. Thank you for coming live. I wish you were here in Georgia.” “What if I had three losses [inaudible 00:21:44] in supplemented, rolled out hormonal, physical causes of losses. Committed myself. I just can't feel like I risk another loss. I feel ready to move on to donor eggs or embryos, but it's so tough to know if it's the very best choice.” And I'm not going to answer specific to your case because I think this isn't the time for that. But it's just that thing too, what I say to my girls is when you know, you know. Why not start the donor process and continue to unpack things? The one thing I would also say to you is have you checked out Pregmune? That is the one piece of clinical advice I'm going to give you.

I don't know where to type here. Where do I type? So, Pregmune, I can't… Melody, I can't seem to type right here, but P-R-E-G-M-U-N-E. It's really good. It tests for a lot more than probably your doctors have tested for the reasons of the losses. Three consecutive losses is not all egg quality. Never is, never is. There's something autoimmune going on. So, I would strongly recommend that.

Oh, you guys are sweet. But to think about too, of when you know, you know. I have some girls when they know, they know, of, “I'm going to donor.” I always tell the story. There's three girls in my practice that went to donor and I was like… I wasn't ready. I was like, “You got this, you can do this.” But I understood their level of readiness. They were like, “I'm done. I'm done with the worry and the pressure of it being my own eggs. And a full on, I mean, I still got to prepare that vessel. That vessel's still really important.” So, when you know, you know.

I've had girls go to surrogate. I've had girls go to adoption. When you know, you know. I've had girls say, “You know what, I'm going to close the door on this.” I had a girl just do that recently on her 46th birthday. She emailed me, “I'm closing the door. It didn't work out, Aimee. Love you. I love the work we did together.” She broke up with me and we did create one healthy embryo at the age of 45, but they transferred it and didn't take, which was devastating. But I felt like we had a win in there even so. And so, she felt proven in a sense. And she said… and then at 46 and a half, I got an email that was like, “Holy fuck, I'm pregnant. What?” And then at 47 she just gave birth to a healthy baby girl.

Yeah, so natural pregnancy after giving up, that speaks to the surrender piece. But I supported her. I was upset. I wasn't ready to close that door. But when she knew, she knew. And she was floored to get pregnant naturally at 46 and a half and have a baby at 47. She messaged me. She's like, “Birth at 47, no fucking joke.” But she's doing great. Everybody's happy. Everybody's healthy. And that's all that matters.

To another girl, second failed IVF in her mid forties. She's just about to turn 45 and same thing. She was like, “I'm doing all the things. I don't understand why this IVF isn't working. My doctors are like, ‘That's it, you're done, donor egg.'” The next month she got pregnant naturally. We just found out yesterday. The [inaudible 00:24:52] everything's healthy, baby's healthy, 12 weeks. She's 12 weeks pregnant.

But there was a surrender piece in all of those too, which I had one girl go with the surrogate after multiple losses. The day they signed the legal contract with the surrogate, she found out she was pregnant naturally. She hadn't been pregnant in probably a year. And any previous pregnancy, she was miscarrying. Carried this baby to term. I mean… So, I always do joke about that surrender piece. Sometimes it is that complete letting go. But in all those cases too, the letting go did not equate to sabotaging their health. They all still chose to live this lifestyle that I put them on because they felt their best.

And so, if you can work on that before the throwing in the towel, the give up piece, of just like, “I'm doing this because I feel good, because my body shows me I feel good. I'm going to do it for that reason. And I'm going to let the baby come through when the baby is meant to come through. And I'm going to trust in the guidance that comes to me and I'm going to trust in the support that surrounds me. And I'm going to trust in my intuition, my divine feminine energy. When I know, I know.”

So, there you have it. I'm going to leave you guys with that. Go check out the free visualization, aimeeraupp.com/freevisualization. And it is something special I did make for you all. And yeah, I love you guys. And I'll see you real soon. Okay, I'm going to go take a shower because as you can tell, Aimee has not showered yet today. Okay, ciao for now my loves. Have a great day.

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VISIT MY WEBSITE: Aimee Raupp is a licensed herbalist, natural fertility expert and acupuncturist in NYC, offering natural fertility treatment, care & coaching solutions to women who want to get pregnant! Aimeeraupp.com

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