Stress Isn't the Reason for Your Fertility Challenges (but I’ll tell you what is!)

By Aimee Raupp, MS LAc

This article was reviewed by AimeeRaupp.com's editorial team & is in compliance with our editorial policy.

In this video, I talk about the real reason for fertility challenges. Spoiler alert: it isn’t stress. What are you going through? What does this week mean to you? I'm here to support you. It's Infertility Awareness Week. There, I said it. And I'm NOT saying that word again If I've said this once I've said it a thousand times, I HATE that word. It oozes failure. It reeks of brokenness. And you, my love, are NOT broken. But it's hard to feel whole when your doctor tells you you have PCOS and you aren't ovulating, or you have endometriosis, or your AMH and/or FSH aren't where they should be, or… you just won't get pregnant and we don't know why. That's got to be the worst of all, “unexplained infertility.” No answers. Just no. But even if that is what you've been told, this is NOT the end of your story. There IS hope. I see it all the time in my clinics, in my eCourse students, in my coaching clients, even my book readers reach out and share their stories. And no matter what you've been told, you are NOT alone.

Here is the Full Transcription of the Video:

Hello Facebook. Let's see, Instagram is saying, “Paused due to poor connection.” Let's see, let's give this all a second. Okay, Facebook, I think we are doing it. Instagram, I might need to redo you. And now, let's just do it again. Sorry. And Facebook, and now. Delete, delete. Let's try and go live again on Instagram. Sorry Facebook, thank you for your patience. Let's see, “Paused due to poor connection.” Now, isn't that weird? What shall I do? Facebook, let's see. We're going to let… I don't know. Take a deep breath and it'll all work out.

Instagram, hopefully, will catch onto us. Maybe it actually is running live. I'm going to just end one more time and close out the app. Anyway, Facebook guys, how are you? Let's reload Instagram on my phone and we'll see how things go down. I don't actually see anyone coming up live on Facebook, so maybe my connection on Facebook isn't that great either. Oh, I see people now. Okay, I'm coming on guys, hang tight.

We're talking about how stress isn't the reason for your fertility challenges, but something similar to stress, or how you process your stress is. And I'm going to give you tips and tools and strategies and a free meditation on how to manage that thing we're going to talk about today. Let's try it again. Instagram, hopefully this will work. “Paused due to poor connection.” For crying out loud. Okay, Facebook, I'm just going to talk to you guys, and Instagram, I guess, maybe we'll figure this out at another time.

I can also, we can take this video berth and we can upload it to IG TV, I think that's all we can do, because my Instagram is just freaking out. And that's that. So anyway, hello, hello, hello. Happy to be with you guys as always, I'm Aimee Raupp, I'm the author of this book, Yes You Can Get Pregnant, and in honor of Infertility Awareness Week, I am wearing a sweater with some orange in it, but not all orange, because I don't really like the word infertility. I think it's a bunch of BS because you are not broken.

You just need some fertility rejuvenation and I can help you with that. And in fact the first chapter in this book is entitled, “My least favorite word,” and it's all about the “I” word, which I don't like to say because, again, you are not broken. You are not broken, you are not broken, you are not broken. And I'm going to just turn off Instagram because it keeps freaking out over here. And now, go away. Delete, delete. We'll upload you later, Instagram and I'm just going to talk to you guys.

So today, the title of this video is, “Stress isn't impacting your fertility challenges, but this is.” So what I'm going to talk about today is for certain impacting your ability to get and to stay pregnant. And I know it's really annoying when someone says to you, “Oh stop stressing about it and then you'll get pregnant,” or, “Stop worrying so much about it and then it will happen.” That's really annoying, and you just want to tell everybody to just F off, if you know what I mean.

Do I think stress impacts fertility? I think it's more about how you manage it. And I do think it's more about the chicken or the egg, what came first? I don't think stress was the original culprit, I think it can eventually become, but I think there's a different word that we want to use around this conversation. It's not stress, it's safety. Do you feel safe to get pregnant?

Let me explain what I mean because I think when we hear the word safe, we think abuse or something, or no roof over our head. And that that is of course safety, and very big safety concerns of course, but what I'm talking about is day to day safety. Do you feel safe nutritionally? Do you feel safe emotionally? Do you feel safe spiritually? And do you feel safe physically?

So let me explain what that means. Safe nutritionally would be, are you eating enough calories, enough protein, vegetables and fat? The macros should be somewhere around 30% protein, 35% fat, and the rest, carbohydrates, I think it's 35, something like that. I usually say 35 to 40 fat, 30 protein, the rest carbohydrates, somewhere around there. But some women don't eat enough carbohydrates, a lot of women don't eat enough fat, and a lot of women don't eat enough protein.

You need upwards of 80 grams of protein a day to help sustain normal hormonal functioning, and that is significantly important to helping you get and stay pregnant. So safe nutritionally means just that. Are you giving your body what it needs? Is it saying, “I am now safe enough because I have enough to give, I have an overflow of nutrition to make another life, I have an overflow of nutrition to grow a human.” It's a big fucking deal to grow a human, it's a big fucking deal. You need enough nutrition. I cannot stress it enough.

And if you're not nutritionally safe, that means either you're not eating enough, or you're eating a bunch of crap. Some people do both. Or they don't eat breakfast, they're intermittent fasting, they're not eating until one o'clock in the afternoon. That is not safety in your body. Your body does not feel safe if that's what you're doing. It's a great way to lose weight, it's not a great way to get pregnant. Okay? So nutritional safety.

Physical safety, are you in a constant fight or flight mode? Are you constantly feeling under attack by your world, by your job, by your relationships, by your inability to conceive? Are you physically safe? Are you overexercising? Are you under exercising? Safety physically is a huge component as well. If you don't feel physically safe, and I'm not just talking about the obvious physical safeties of shelter and security, which can really impact our fertility as well.

Yes, there are women in unsafe conditions that get pregnant, absolutely. However, you're not one of them right now if you're following this. And so these are the ways that I just want you to open up and think about that. And I shouldn't say you're not one of them, but you're experiencing challenges. So we got to pay attention to these certain things. This world is very stressful, so that's where that word stress comes in.

And the stress can impact our safety in the sense of it puts us in this chronic fight or flight mode, which upticks our cortisol levels, which throws off all our hormones, all of our hormones. And then the body says, this is not a safe environment to grow a human, this is not a safe environment to grow a human, I'm barely getting through my day. My heart rate is maximized all day long. I don't feel… This is not safe. This is not a safe environment physically.

And then emotionally. Emotionally, are you safe? And again, I don't mean, are you in an emotionally abusive relationship? I hope you're not, with another person, but you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship with yourself. Are you your worst critic? Are you constantly beating yourself up about all the things you could have, should have, would have done in your past?

Are you constantly criticizing yourself and saying things like, “Oh, you did this and you didn't do that, and that's why you're not pregnant,” or, “You did this and you forgot about that, or you waited too long, or your partner did this and I'm mad at him for that, and so this is why I'm not pregnant.” Every time you get a period, every time you get a negative BFN, are you sitting there saying to yourself , “See, you're such a loser, you're not pregnant again, what the hell is wrong with you? Everybody else is having children and you're just sitting on the sidelines.”

And then you're also receiving some feed… Some people are receiving that feedback from family members and friends as well of like, “Maybe it's your job, maybe you should quit your job, maybe it's your relationship. Do you really want a child? Maybe you don't want a child. Maybe you don't want to have a child.” Emotional safety is really about the conversation you have with yourself in the privacy of your own mind.

And I have a really good giveaway for you guys, that I'll give you the link to in just a few minutes, that will help you with feeling more safe in this journey. It's a meditation I recorded for you called “You are safe,” and I recorded it just last week. But the emotional safety piece is huge because you could not have a stressful life, meaning you sleep enough, you have a job you love, maybe you're not working and you're just focusing on how to take care of yourself.

But you could have really unsafe emotional thoughts, which can also trigger this stress response, because you could, all day, be just criticizing yourself constantly of all the things you're not doing, not doing right, you didn't do right in the past, all the reasons why you're not getting pregnant, and that creates that same unsafe environment in the body. It creates the same fight or flight response. And if you want to break this down to inflammation, the emotions create a significant amount of inflammation in your body, which will compromise your egg quality, which will compromise your hormones.

So nutritional safety, hugely important. If you got it on here late, you can go back and watch the beginning of the video. Physical safety, over exercise, under exercise, not enough sleep, too stressful of an environment physically for you, not saying that you're experiencing abuse or shelter issues, but more just, how are you physically doing? How are you physically nourishing and supporting your body?

Emotional safety. How are you communicating with yourself? How are you supporting yourself on that emotional level? And I would also take the emotional safety another layer and say, how healed are you from previous traumas in your life? And a trauma is something like a miscarriage, something like a bad break up, an unfortunate childhood, bad relationships with your parents, trauma comes in all shapes and sizes.

Everybody has different experiences with what was traumatic for them, and they're all perfectly… Your trauma is your trauma and no one can take that from you. Trauma is really how you hold onto it and how you process it. And so how processed are you? We have, in Chinese medicine, we have the link between the heart and the uterus, as we say, a very sacred link.

There's a vessel that runs through here, and when there's a lot of joy and love, excitement, hope in the heart, it transmutes down to the uterus and fills up that uterus, that child's palace with that joy and that hope and that eagerness and excitedness about getting pregnant. And then when there's negative experiences, which they could have come long before you were trying to get pregnant, that are unprocessed, fears, anger, resentment, sorrow, grief, you name it, it blocks that channel.

So how open are you? How excited, how joyful are you in your current life without this child? How emotionally safe are you? And I want you to think about that too. Your thoughts impact your behavior, which impacts your health. But your thoughts also impact your neurochemistry. If you have constant attacking abusive thoughts towards yourself or judgments at life, or still anger and resentment, sorrow, grief that you are holding onto, that is not a very hospitable environment for a child to grow in.

And again, I think some people would come up and say like, “Are you blaming me for my fertility challenges?” Absolutely not. I'm just telling you, you have a lot of power here and that these other things are at play. So rushing to IVF isn't the answer if you're not nutritionally, physically and emotionally safe. Does that make sense? You need to nourish yourself emotionally, physically, and nutritionally in order for your body to feel capable of thriving and of deciding that it is okay, “I have enough to give up, I have enough to share my vessel with another human. I have enough to give up. I'm excited about this process.”

So I think the nutrition aspect of safety is pretty straightforward. You can get my book, Yes You Can Get Pregnant, and you can follow the dietary recommendations in here and it will really help optimize your fertility. The physical, same thing. You've got to be getting enough sleep. It's probably the most important piece of this puzzle. Seven to eight hours, maybe even nine hours a night of restful sleep.

I want you waking up feeling refreshed in the morning. I don't want you overexercising, I don't want you underexercising. If you want to know the exact right exercise regimen for fertility, watch one of my previous videos, I think I did one on this a couple of weeks ago, so it's in the video archive on this Facebook page. If you're watching this on YouTube, it's in there, exercise and fertility. So don't under exercise, don't overexercise.

And then what kind of physical stress are you putting your body through every day? Are you waking yourself up early at say 5:30 in the morning to get a workout in before work and then not eating until 9:30, 10:30, 11:30 in the afternoon? That is a lot of physical stress you were putting on your body. You need to nourish your body, move more slowly, move more deliberately, slow down, take some deep breaths, meditate, do the right exercise for your body and eliminate the unnecessary stress as much as you can.

Are you constantly feeling under attack at work? Well, that's not the best environment for you. Basically, everything isn't safety for me. Oh [Yayel 00:15:46], maybe need more, I'm not safe. Then we have to think about these ways that we can change things. First I send you lots of love, and I really appreciate your honesty there and that you're sharing and I'm so glad you're here.

So what can I do to help myself feel more safe? So the things I think that we can control, because we can't control outside environment sometimes and we can't just up and quit our jobs, or leave relationships. We can control how we nourish ourselves food-wise, we can control the thoughts we think, we can control the physical expenditure that we're giving away, we can, we can control those things. Where can I take it easy? Where can I slow down a little bit? Where can I give myself more space for me?

So what we have to focus on is how we're taking care of ourselves. We cannot, unfortunately, control anyone else, and a lot of us just can't up and quit our jobs. And so that's not at all what I'm suggesting. So the right exercises, [Yayel 00:16:46], just told you, watch the video that I did, I think it was two or three weeks ago. It's called “Exercise and fertility.” It's right here on this Facebook page in the video section, so I'm going to let you watch that. Eating-wise, I'm going to direct everyone to here.

Emotionally, I'm just going to give you the link right now. It's aimeeraupp.com/youaresafe. That's a special meditation I have made for everyone. Yeah, and [Yayel 00:17:14] , you're in the Yes program, so absolutely, dive into the activities in there. That would be really helpful too. Thank you Beth for that. So the nutritional safety, again, how am I nourishing myself? How much protein, vegetables and fat am I eating? Am I skipping breakfast, am I not? Intermittent fasting, there is no point over fertility, I'm just going to say that for the hundredth time.

It's not good for fertility. You need to eat breakfast. And it needs to have protein, and fat, and ideally some vegetables. This is the leftover of my breakfast right here, which is my liver support juice made into a soup with a whisked egg in there. So it's bone broth, tons of green vegetables and an egg. Protein, veggies, fat. That's my breakfast of choice and I love it. And that breakfast was hours ago and then I had a soup potato with ghee, and drinking tons of water, I am nourishing myself.

I am letting my body know it is safe, that if it has the capabilities and the desire to create another life, we got the goods, we got the goods. There's an abundance of nutrition for me to give to a child, a growing child in my body. Physical safety, sleep, so important. And then really think about how am I overstressing my body physically on a daily basis? How am I nourishing my body on a daily basis?

Emotional safety. That's what this meditation is for. aimeeraupp.com/youaresafe, It is a free meditation, I created it for you guys because I think it's, especially during this time of the coronavirus, a lot of our safety triggers are up and active and really real. A lot of people are having safety triggers right now. So emotional safety. How do you communicate with yourself? Are you kind to yourself or are you abusive to yourself?

What past traumas have you not unpacked, have you not dealt with? Things you can do, I also have a tapping for fertility, it's on my shop page. That's an amazing workshop that I do with Sarah Holland, who is an EFT, emotional freedom techniques specialist, and we tap through potential traumas that you're still holding onto, that are in your body, that are blocking your ability to conceive.

I would work on forgiveness for yourself for past choices. One thing that I'm saying a lot in a lot of my secret groups with a lot of my coaching clients is, “I forgive myself for ever doubting that the timing of my life was wrong. I forgive myself for ever doubting my ability to get and stay pregnant. I forgive myself for all the time I have wasted beating myself up. I forgive myself.”

And it's just you working on you. We can't really fix other people, that's called codependency. We don't need to go there. You work on you, you nourish you and the rest will fall into place. After the Yes program, I really want you to dive into reading Yes You Can Get Pregnant. In the Yes, I have a program running right now, and some of the girls are in here that are in the program.

We're not talking about diet whatsoever in the Yes program. It's a four week program to release fertility fears and shift your mindset, but absolutely, in my book I talk about the importance of not skipping breakfast, and in my eCourse as well, we really dive deep into that. And then of course we do also have coaching available to all of you. We have free consults, aimeeraupp.com/freeconsult, You can go there and apply for a free consult.

We also have my coaching associate, Michelle, who is coaching at a 50% discount to my coaching rates, because I'm currently on a wait list. So we have places we can help and support you from a dietary and emotional perspective if you want a one on one individualized plan, my team is here to support you, but really to focus on, and I want you to just carry that with you, “Is stress affecting my fertility?” Not really, but safety is.

And safety is basically like, “Am I giving my body enough of what it needs? Does my body feel safe to do all of its functioning?” Fertility, even menstruation, is a luxury. It is a result of an abundance of energy and “xi,” we say in Chinese, medicine to then create life. It's an abundance. So you have to think about it like that. Do I feel like I have enough to make another human? And that's enough emotionally, physically and nutritionally. Am I safe enough?

One thing that I think is really powerful to just stop and say to yourself throughout the day, and talk to all the cells in your body, talk to your uterus, talk to your heart and you just say to yourself, “You are safe, you are safe, you are safe, yes you are.” It will calm your nervous system, it'll stop that fight or flight response, and it will increase your fertility, it will. Just doing that will optimize your fertility. Might not be the only thing you need to do to help you get pregnant, but doing that alone is going to help you feel much more calm, much more centered and much more safe.

A lot of women going into fertility treatments don't necessarily feel safe either. And right now all fertility treatments are on hold, so there's a lot of scarcity and fear around, “What am I going to be able to try again?” for the women that IVF is the only option. Well, they were all geared up for the IVF. And so reminding yourself that you are safe, the timing of your life is safe, you are protected, everything is unfolding perfectly. You are safe. You're safe. You are safe. You are safe.

Dierdre, “The Yes program is helping me to release a lot of childhood wounds.” Well thank you. I'm so grateful to be a part of that journey with you. Okay, so where's Carpen? [Yayel 00:23:45]. Okay, let me see. Emotional safety, that's a big one. Yes Maria, it really is. And that's it to even women who've gone through losses, is it safe to get pregnant again? I'm scared to lose another child. Is it safe? I'm scared to have a child with learning disabilities.

So these are all safety concerns that you should work out, and your body deserves to work through, before you go and get pregnant. So check out my free meditation. aimeeraupp.com/youaresafe. It's brand new, I've just recorded it, I think two weeks ago, I really love it. It really came from a place of my own, where I was unpacking some of my things. I'm doing the Yes program with my students and working through any bits that are still left in me, healing and grieving through my miscarriage, and just working through any of my fertility fears, which I think we all have some, especially after you have a loss, or if you've been at this a while.

So just, does it feel safe? Does my body feel safe? Do I trust my body to get and stay pregnant? That's a really big question, because if you don't, you have some safety things to work out. You really should trust your body and its ability to get and stay pregnant before you go and try and get pregnant. So I leave you with that. I want you to trust in your body.

I know it's a National Infertility Awareness Week, and I wear some orange in support of that, and I wear other colors too in support of the fact that I don't think you're fertile and I don't think you're broken. And I don't want you to label yourself as such because it is not true. Fertility is on a spectrum and you just might need some fertility rejuvenation, but there is hope. And you are here because you still have hope. So honor that hope in your body and release those fears. Those fears are not serving you.

Ask yourself, do I feel safe? Look at your food. Is this safe? Is this nourishing? Look at your daily activities. Are these nourishing and supportive to my body and it's fertility? Listen to your thoughts, are they nourishing and supporting to your body and its fertility. Surround yourself with nourishment. You have the power to do all of that, all on your own. We don't have to involve anybody else, we don't need to blame anybody else or circumstances, this is all on you. And you can do it.

All right, check out the free meditation and if you want more of me or to take my fertility quiz, head over to aimeeraupp.com, I've got so much there for you guys that is free, that is helpful. I have a fertility starter kit, I have my fertility quiz, follow me on Instagram if you don't already. I am just constantly sharing wherever I can. I love you guys. Stay safe, stay sane, nourish yourself. You have the power here, don't you forget that. Have a wonderful, wonderful day.

End of Transcription

Resources mentioned in this video:

Yes, You Can Get Pregnant: aimeeraupp.com/orderpregnancybook

Exercise for Fertility: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-1MNjvC7tw

You Are Safe Meditation: aimeeraupp.com/youaresafe

Tapping for Fertility: https://aimeeraupp.com/product/tapping-fertile-power-simple-tool-help-overcome-fertility-fears/

Free 15-Min Coaching Consult: aimeeraupp.com/freeconsult

Coaching with with Aimee & her team: aimeeraupp.com/coaching

Fertility Quiz: https://aimeeraupp.com/fertility-quiz/

Fertility Starter Kit: https://aimeeraupp.com/fertility-starter-kit-opt-in/

Aimee Raupp is a licensed herbalist, natural fertility expert and acupuncturist in NYC, offering natural fertility treatment, care & coaching solutions to women who want to get pregnant! Get pregnant fast with natural fertility care, Aimee’s online fertility shop & coaching solutions. Aimee Raupp has helped hundreds of women to get pregnant naturally! Aimee and her team are experts in Chinese Medicine, Massage & Eastern Nutrition! Get pregnant naturally, achieve optimal health & vitality, take control of your health! Aimee is excited to work with you at one of the Aimee Raupp Wellness Centers NYC. Aimee's Fertility Coaching Program is a personal guidance along your fertility journey. If you are trying to get pregnant naturally, this program is for you! Aimee Raupp offers holistic, wellness and natural fertility books. Learn how to enhance your fertility and get pregnant naturally with Aimee’s cookbooks and diet guides!

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