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NIAW 2022 and why I hate the “I” word

It’s #NIAW2022 and here at Team Aimee we’ve been supporting you all week. 

In this video, I talk about how I feel about this week and why I don’t like to use the “I” word. 

SEE BELOW FOR FULL TRANSCRIPT OR CLICK ON THE IMAGE ABOVE FOR THE FULL VIDEO.

Hello. How are you guys? Oh, let’s see. All right. I think we’re live everywhere. Let’s see. Let me adjust my camera here. Sorry, y’all. Hello, hello, hello. How is everyone today? It is that time again, where I get to come to you live and talk about stuff. I feel like I’ve been on video a lot this week, but it’s good to see all of you again. I, as you know because you’re following me, but I am Aimee of aimeeraupp.com, and I love to help women step into their power and live their best life possible. For many of you, that also means becoming a mama for the first, second, third time, however many times you want, if we’re all so lucky and blessed.

Yeah, so it is the week of infertility awareness, National Infertility Awareness Week, and I’m even saying that word and I hate saying it. I don’t know why I’ve actually said it. But today, I wanted to talk to you about that word, and how sucky it is. For those of you who have read my Yes, You Can Get Pregnant. And I just got my royalty statements for this for 2021. I just saw them today and thank you all so much for all the support. This book continues to sell better and better every single year, which is blowing the lids off of my publisher. I just want to thank you guys for all the support and for those of you that have read the book. If you haven’t, I recommend it. Of course, I do. It’s my baby. One of my babies. The first chapter in the book, chapter one, My Least Favorite Word: Shifting from Being Infertility Focused to Fertility Focused. “That book is the truth.” Go, Erica. Thank you. I appreciate it.

We did book club recently on this book, so I’ve covered this chapter. I’m not going to read this chapter to you, but just pointing out to you though that even back in 2013-2014, when I was writing this book, this has always been the real driving force for me, even for getting involved in helping women get pregnant. Someone asked me, we did an event last night at Rejuvenating Fertility Center in Westport. We had a great turnout by the way. And for those of you guys that are local, you should come to the next one. We’ll do the last Wednesday of every month. It was just lovely, and we just had a support circle and everybody shared and someone had asked me like, how did I get involved in treating women in getting pregnant, helping them get pregnant or fertility. And I said I just started seeing client after client where she felt she became so disempowered by what her doctors told her, or by the information on the internet, or by other women’s stories, that they were just giving their power away when it came to their fertility.

And again, you guys who have read Yes, You Can Get Pregnant, you know the kind of the mantra throughout the book is I have the power to change my health and improve my fertility. I’m pretty sure that’s the mantra throughout the book. But what really motivated me to want to write this book was because I was getting so pissed off watching all of the power be taken away from these beautiful women who may or may not have been having fertility challenges, but they were by no means infertile, by no means infertile. I want us all right now, we’re doing it right now. If you’re driving, don’t do it. You can close your eyes if you want to, put your hands over your heart. I am fertile. Repeat after me. I am fertile. I am fertile. I may be experiencing some fertility challenges, but my fertility can be improved. Yes, I am fertile. I may be experiencing some fertility challenges, but my fertility can be improved even as I age. I am healthy. I am fertile. I am worthy of all that I desire.

You are. You are. Stop telling the story about your infertility. It takes your power away. You are not infertile. It is not a switch that’s either on or off. It’s on a spectrum. There are times in your life, there are months in the year that you are less fertile than other months. Fertility declines as we age, sure, kind of. Not in all women, some women get more fertile as they get older. Maybe they had pretty severe endometriosis and then they adopted a certain lifestyle and a diet. And as they clear up the endo, they become more fertile. That is a possibility. Maybe they had major blood sugar issues, maybe they had very poor health and an autoimmune condition that they were struggling with, and they went and they healed themselves, guess what? They became more fertile even as they aged.

I am fertile. I am fertile. Maybe I’m just experiencing some fertility challenges. So in this week of awareness, which you know I honor all of you guys, your fucking warriors. This is not an easy path and never in any of my… Anything I talk about, or teach about am I taking away from the challenges or the trauma that you have been through. It is tough and I honor you. You’re a fucking warrior. You keep at it, girl. You deserve the life of your dreams and you deserve this baby, these babies, but stop telling the story that you are broken. Change the story because you know why? Your body hears everything your brain says, everything. The universe, your body, spirit, your babies of spirit, spirit babies. Everything you say, your body, your world hears.

You are not infertile. You are not. You are having some challenges. You can figure this out. You can take back the power over your health and your fertility. Your fertility and your health are completely intertwined. They are not separate. And health is not just your lab work, it is how well you sleep, it is how you process your emotions. I’m reading all these biological aging research papers and books, and it’s fascinating to see the things that really impact how we age and our overall health are not just… Of course, I’m a huge fan of the diet that I preach and the egg quality diet. Of course, I’ve seen so many great results with that. Of course, I support sleeping and getting to bed before 11:00 o’clock and having really healthy, juicy sleep for seven to eight, nine hours. Of course, I want movement in your daily life, or at least five days a week.

Those things we know impact our health, but you know what else really impacts our health are our belief systems and how much joy we are experiencing in our life. Like significantly impacts health outcome, significantly impacts longevity, significantly impacts biological versus chronological aging. So how often are you getting out there and playing in the dirt or gardening or learning something new or having an adventure? Where are you juicing up your life, and who were you before these challenges? I feel like that’s a big part of what I do in my one-on-one coaching and any of my programs. We’re running my Ignite program right now, which used to be called my Yes program. We changed the name because I feel like what we’re actually doing is helping women ignite themselves again, bring themselves back. We’ve lost ourselves in this process, and we’ve lost ourselves in the story of being subpar, of not being able to do this thing. We’ve lost touch with ourselves and we’ve lost who we are.

So who were you before you believed you were broken or you weren’t capable of doing this thing that you should be capable of? Who were you? How did you live your life? What brought you joy? How did you spend your time? Can we get some of that back? Because now there’s a story. And I get it, it’s so hard. And I talk about that in the chapter. There was a section that I feel like I have forgotten about that that I wanted to read.

Okay, yeah, this thing too. So one of the first questions I have had for every single fertility patient I’ve ever seen is, do you believe you are going to get pregnant? I’m happy to say that most often the answer is yes. It’s not usually a confident yes. It’s a hesitant one that usually comes with tears, but it’s a yes. So let’s take a moment. This is for all of you guys. Let’s take a moment and I want you to ask yourself, do I believe I am going to get pregnant? Hear the answer, see the answer, replace doubt with hope. And if the pregnant question is too hard to answer, then how about, do I believe I am going to be a mother? Do I believe I’m going to be a mother? Do I believe I get my chance at this?

One thing that maybe I don’t really want to change anything in this book, because I love it and I’m always so proud of it, but maybe now one thing I would add is it’s okay to have the hope and the doubt coexist. It’s okay to have moments where you’re really stuck in the loop of seeing the challenges and feeling frustrated, because you’re doing all the things and you still don’t have a fucking baby. It’s okay to have those moments, and it’s okay to have those moments a good amount of time, 40. I try to not go above 40% of the time. Like in one day, 40% of the day can be in that loop. 60% of the day though, I want it to be in the other loop of I still believe and I’m going to make a conscious effort right now to rewrite my fertility story. I’m going to start telling it differently. I’m going to focus less on all the things that are going wrong.

Even in this chapter, I talk about too, what I try to do with my patients of like, instead of seeing every pregnant woman and wanting to jump off a cliff, why not say, “Look at all the fertility that’s out there. I don’t know her story. She don’t know my story. One day, I hope to be the woman walking down the street with a big pregnant belly and someone’s going to get their heart crushed when they see me.” We don’t know everybody’s stories. Our life becomes the story we tell ourselves. So if we’re walking around being the victim and really focused on all the victimization and all the things that haven’t gone the way we want them to go, it can perpetuate it. So it does not serve you. And again, going back to this, my body, here’s everything my brain says.

So what about if you talk about, do I believe this is going to happen? Even if it’s like, I always say this, call me crazy, like there’s all these things that are pointing in the direction of it not working out for me, but call me crazy, I still have this feeling, I still have this calling. There’s still something inside of me that is saying, “I’m going to get a chance at this. This baby’s going to come through.” Maybe there’s tweaks, maybe it’s more about surrender, maybe it’s more about diet, maybe it’s more about sleep. Everybody is so different, but to allow yourself to be called infertile is a disservice to yourself. I want you to see that as highly offensive. I want you to not be okay with that terminology because it is not true. There are many women who have been told that and they go on to become mothers, thousands and thousands and thousands.

I’d actually estimate probably if there’s millions of women dealing with fertility challenges, I would go with close to a million women have probably been told they’re in fertile and they all went on to have children. So that actually makes no sense. Because if you’re in fertile, you’re barren, you can never have children. So the wording is wrong and it’s hard on you. You might not even notice that it’s hard on you because you’re just so used to saying it. You’re so used to checking the box. You’re so used to writing it on a piece of paper at a doctor’s office. You’re so used to telling women, “Oh, I’ve been struggling with infertility.”

Just change it slightly, “Having some fertility challenges. In the process of rejuvenating things, working on my egg quality, reducing my biological age, getting more in the flow of things, getting more in the flow, allowing my fertility to come back. There were other priorities that my body had for many years where I was on the birth control pill for many years and it shut down my fertility and now it’s coming back.” You’re not infertile when you’re on the birth control pill, but you’re definitely not fertile when you’re on the pill, but no one’s calling you infertile. It’s not a switch that’s on or off. It’s a state. You’re in a state of maybe less fertility right now. But we know and we knew back when I wrote this book and we know even more now that you can push it in the direction of being more fertile.

I think another thing that is not talked about enough in this space is creativity feeds fertility. What are you creating? What are the things you’re creating in your life? What are the things you’re creating in your home? What are the things you’re creating in your heart? Creation creates more fertility. So it’s not just doing all the supplements, doing the diet, getting the acupuncture. I’m a huge fan of all of those things. It’s not just doing the IVF and crossing your fingers. What am I creating in my life? How am I creating the space for this child to come through? How am I creating the space in my heart? What am I creating for me? What am I doing that lights me up on a regular basis.

It would be the same as us saying like, “Oh yeah, you’ve passed the point of having fun in your life because you’re no longer 12 or 15. Sorry, now you’re an adult, you can have no more fun.” I think some people think that, “Oh, you’re an adult, there’s no more fun in your life.” So you’re you’re infunable. Is that a word? Infunable. It’s the same thing as infertile. Like no, it doesn’t make any sense actually. It doesn’t make any sense. Yes, at some point, women lose the capability of having children, but that’s usually late 40s, early 50s, sometimes mid 50s.

There’s a reason, I always say this, did you ever notice this? Women who are trying to get pregnant in their 40s are often told how hard it’s going to be. Women who are not trying to get pregnant in their 40s when they go to their gynecologist, the first thing they say to them, “Oh, if you don’t want to have another child, you should get on the pill. You should do an IUD.” What is that? That makes no sense. You just told the other woman in the next door room who’s trying to make a baby that it’s impossible for her to get pregnant, but now I don’t want to have any more children in my 40s. I’m not saying that’s for me. I’m just using this as an example. And the first thing they’ll do is tell you to get on the birth control pill. It’s very curious. Have you ever thought about that? It’s very curious.

Women in their 30s, absolutely. If they’re not trying to have a baby, they should be on the birth control pill. That’s what we’re told because, oh my goodness. But if you’re over 35 and you go into your doctor and say, “I want to have a baby.” Well, that’s going to be hard. Your fertility has declined significantly. It actually doesn’t line up.

In this week of awareness, but obviously you guys follow me and you know my mission, my mission is women who heal themselves heal their children’s children. Just be careful with your words. Words are powerful. And again, your body hears everything your brain says. So if you are walking around telling a story of being a victim, of being infertile, of being broken, of it never working out for you, you are perpetuating it. Remember, your past does not have to be your present or your future. You do not have to drag it with you. You have the possibility of improving as you get older. You have the possibility. If you can heal from diabetes, if you can cure cancer, if you can heal from some other disease or illness, you can absolutely improve your fertility. You are not infertile, no. You are experiencing some challenges and you are going to do some fertility rejuvenation, and you are going to take back the power over your health and your fertility because that’s what you deserve.

So all of you, think about that. Make a promise to yourself, not to anyone else. Make a promise to yourself, I’m going to stop identifying with that story because it does not serve me. “Yes, this is the data, this is the information so far. Don’t have the baby in my arms just yet. That part is really painful. I’m working really hard.”

I’m not saying we’re ignoring reality. I’m not saying that at all. I’m just saying, how much are you focused on the not working part versus the working part? Don’t have the baby yet, but my periods are healthier than they’ve ever been. Have been really juicy, healthy ovulations. My sex drive is better. My skin is better. I’m pooping every day. I’ve never pooped every day. I’m waking up feeling rested in the morning. I’m learning the foods that work for my body and the foods that don’t work for my body, I’m learning what are the right supplements. I’m taking back the power of my health. I’m feeling stronger and more fit. And I’m enjoying my life. I’m getting a lot of clarity on the things I don’t want and the things I do want. So nowhere in that story does it have to be like that it’s just done. It just stopped. It doesn’t work like that.

So make that promise to yourself. “Yes, this is part of my past. These are the things I’ve gone through. It’s a challenge. It’s been rough. My heart hurts. I long for this child.” All of that is there. None of that needs to go anywhere, but how much focus are we giving it versus the other side of the coin is, but I’m still here and I’m still in the game and I’m still searching and I’m still looking and I’m reading the books and I’m learning more about the diet. And I’m adding things to my life that bring back my joy or I’m clearing away the gunk that’s been blocking my joy, or we focused on that side of the equation too.

And then when you see all the fertility around you, instead of immediately judging it and feeling sorry for yourself, which you are entitled to do, I would also like you to remind yourself and the cells in your body, because you go right into fight or flight when you see that pregnant woman and you feel really sorry for yourself, and you’re totally a victim and you start wondering, “Why not me? Why not me? Why not me? When’s it going to be my turn? What am I doing wrong that she’s not doing? And look at her, she’s eating McDonald’s and look at me, I’m not even eating McDonald’s and I’m still not pregnant.” Immediate fight or flight response. Instead, “I don’t know her story. She doesn’t know my story. One day I could be that woman walking down the street and I might trigger another woman who’s trying to get pregnant.” That will allow you to start to have a little more compassion and start to actually see fertility as something that… I want to say is abundant, and I don’t mean it in a way of like leaving you out, but that it exists.

And just like flowers in the winter, there’s a dormancy. It can come and go. And so, okay, I’m just in the flow of restoring my fertility, rejuvenating my fertility. But I’m not in the flow of that never happening for me because you wouldn’t be here if you really thought it was never going to happen for you. Ask yourself, like I said, seriously, do I believe I am going to get pregnant? Yes, I do. And yes, there are all these things pointing in the direction that it might be hard for me, okay, but you believe. And when you identify with the I word, the infertility word, you are telling your body, you actually don’t believe. “No, I don’t believe. I’m broken.” So then choose, choose which side you want to be on.

I think it’s just really important. Intention and words and how we show up is extremely important, and what we choose to identify with. Your body hears everything your brain says. What is the story you’re telling yourself? So the next time it comes up, if you’re filling out paperwork, you… On my new patient paperwork, there’s no word that says infertility on there. “I have fertility challenges,” you can check that box. Because women like to check it. Someone would like to check it 17 times. Very fascinating. Oh, I don’t just have one… I got all these check… I got to put all these checks next to fertility challenges.

Okay, and I immediately know, okay, I got to unpack that a little bit. Because there’s a real strong commitment to that challenge. Think about that. How committed am I to being fertility challenged versus how committed am I to being rejuvenated, to having my fertility rejuvenated? I think it’s just like a sea-saw, which side am I on? And how much of each day am I on the side of fertility challenges versus the side of fertility possibilities? I think possibilities is a good word. Challenges, possibilities, challenges, possibilities. Do I believe in the possibility of improving my fertility?

If you are having a hard time with that, I have a whole section on my website called Stories of Hope. There are dozens, if not more, there might be over a hundred at this point of stories of hope, I do one every single month, of women who were in your shoes and who worked out. But how often… Thank you, Carrie. How often am I spending time in the space of possibilities? And possibilities are miracles too. Miracles happen all the time, magic. How often am I staying in that space versus this space of zero possibilities, I’m completely broken, my fertility is off, the switch is off my AMH is this, my FSH is this, I’m out of the game? Bullshit, you’re not out of the game and you don’t believe you’re out of the game because you wouldn’t be here right now. So you’re not out of the game. So you must believe in possibilities.

Thank you. I really needed to hear this today. You’re welcome. You’re welcome. There we have it. I think I’m going to end there because I think it’s a positive note. But just walking around, how committed am I to my infertility story versus my fertility story? How committed am I to these challenges versus the possibility? How committed am I to my health versus my victimhood? And it is, it’s a choice. I mean, that’s the reason too I wrote the book Body Belief soon after writing, Yes, You Can Get Pregnant. And I see the impact beliefs have on our health outcomes.

And also it’s like, yes, your body hears everything your brain says, but also your beliefs dictate your behavior and your behavior dictates your health. So if you are deeply in that belief of challenges and infertility, I’m going to use the word one last time. If you’re deep in that, you do not make choices to support fertility because you deeply believe you are not fertile. So why would I take that supplement? Why would I change my diet. There is no hope. That’s what I’ve been told. So you’re in that corner. You can’t get to this corner then. You have to make a choice to be in this corner. I’m going choose to live in the possibilities. I’m going to choose to live in the miracle section. I’m allowed to go over to the challenge section whenever I want, but don’t stay there too long, come back over here. There’s a lot of possibilities. There’s a lot of stories. There’s a lot of women who were in your shoes once and it worked out for them. It can work out for you. You deserve the life of your dreams.

All right, I’m going to go. I love you guys. I’ll see you later. Have a beautiful day.

END TRANSCRIPT.

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Disclaimer: Please keep in mind that I am not a medical doctor. I have been a practitioner of Traditional Chinese Medicine for over 17 years and I will be speaking from my clinical experience helping thousands of women conceive. The office of Aimee E. Raupp, M.S., L.Ac and Aimee Raupp Wellness & Fertility Centers and all personnel associated with the practice do not use social media to convey medical advice. This video will be posted to Aimee’s channels to educate and inspire others on the fertility journey.

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