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Are You Trying Too Hard To Get Pregnant?
Have you been trying to conceive with so much effort that its exhausting you? Well, you’re not alone. In my clinic, this is the topic of conversation more often than not. Then add to it all of the lifestyle modifications people like me recommend to women who are trying to get pregnant—and, suddenly the whole process becomes even more daunting.
As a practitioner who has helped hundreds of women conceive, I have to admit—I want to wave a wand and make it easier for every couple out there facing fertility challenges. I’m 11 years into practice and even though I am admittedly one of the most glass half-full people you’ll encounter, seeing couples struggling to conceive hurts my heart. I see my primary job as focusing on my patients wellness, not their illness, but sometimes this whole getting pregnant process takes a lot longer—and is filled with a lot more trauma—than I feel is necessary. Which is why I’m constantly on the quest to finding ways to simplify it all. Lately I’ve been saying things like, “Just have more sex. Focus less on the baby making part and more on the fun and intimacy with your partner part…” However, I will compassionately add, “I know that’s easier said than done.” And, it is.
Recently, I had the opportunity to discuss the topic of fertility with Deepak Chopra, a man I hold in tremendously high regard, not only as one of my spiritual teachers but as a scientist who is always on the cutting edge. We chatted about quite a few things, from logistics like ovarian reserve to the current fertility research to autoimmune diseases. But the part of the conversation that I believe was most insightful was when I asked him his thoughts on his latest age reversal research and how that research could apply to fertility—since most of the western medical world see’s infertility as an age related disease. He said how living what he considers the ‘5 Pillars’ of health can help deter the aging process and although it hasn’t been specifically researched this could help fertility. His ‘5 Pillars’ are very in line with my general lifestyle recommendations for not just my fertility patients, but all of my patients, they are:
- Get Ample Sleep, ideally 7-8 hours
- Eat real food
- Be conscious, which in simpler terms mean to be present in this moment now.
After we discussed the ‘5 Pillars’ he went on to mention a premise he discusses in just about every one of his books and lectures: letting go. He said, “They have to learn to let go…” I joked and said, “you come to my office and tell my patients to let go…” Joking aside—being I have studied his teachings for so many years, I completely got what he was saying. He’s not really implying you ‘give up’ or ‘throw in the towel’ on your fertility journey. Rather this ‘letting go’ notion is more about accepting or surrendering to where you are currently—in the present moment—and while doing that, you faithfully remain in a state of knowing that you can have all you desire. With this faith and knowing, you then let go or detach from all you want (to get a deeper understanding, I highly recommend reading the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra).
I’m sure to a lot of you this sounds way too esoteric. But, really it’s simple. Often this is how I explain it—when you go on Amazon to place the order for whatever it is you want, you expect it to arrive. You click purchase, close the page and don’t think about HOW it will get to you or really WHEN. You just know at some point it will arrive. With intention setting, it is much the same. The HOW’s and the WHEN’s don’t matter as much as the expectation you have that it will arrive. That, is my interpretation of the notion of letting go.
This may all sound a bit oversimplified to you. However, there has to be something to this letting go process. How many times have you heard stories of couples who ‘gave up’ and took a break from trying to conceive and wound up pregnant? Or what about the ones who decide to adopt and then suddenly wind up pregnant? Or another one I see often clinically, is natural conception right after a failed In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) attempt. The statistics are hard to find to support such incidences, but I’m sure we’ve all heard the stories.
That is the reason why one of the positions I take in the clinic and in my latest book, Yes, You Can Get Pregnant, is to adopt the approach that you are on a ‘self-love health mission’, rather than on a get pregnant now mission. By this I mean that you should embrace the recommended lifestyle changes like meditation and sleep and eating a nutrient dense diet that is free of processed and chemical laden foods because ultimately it is good for you and for your health. And, ultimately a body in good health, that is regularly menstruating and ovulating, should be able to conceive (even over the age of 40!). The science supports that mediation reduces stress and therefore can increase fertility. That ample sleep improves health. That chemicals in our foods negatively affects our hormones. That exercise is good for us and helps us live longer. So, why not look at all of these lifestyle adjustments as a way to improve health and well-being and more importantly as a way to deter or even reverse the aging process. When we take this approach to health and healing, it can take some pressure off of the task of getting pregnant. When we are living our life from a place of choosing to feel good through being healthy and having faith in our body, letting go of the end goal—be it pregnancy or fighting the aging process—achieving the end goal often comes to us with ease.