Is it even possible to be grateful while you’re trying EVERYTHING to conceive and it just feels impossible?
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See the full transcript below:
Hello, how is everyone? Hello, hello, hello. I have my blue light glasses on, my pink blue light glasses. Loving these. I really, really, really notice a difference when I wear them regularly, when I have my busy long days in front of the computer, which feels like every day these days. Hi. I’m Aimee Raupp of aimeeraupp.com, and I am psyched to be with you again this Thursday. I get to come to you live every single Thursday, and it’s so fun. And this whole month we’re actually focusing on gratitude, because we are in November, the month of November. And in the States, this is our Thanksgiving month, which is all about being thankful and grateful. And we’re going to talk today about the possibility of having gratitude on the path to becoming a mother, trying to conceive, dealing with fertility challenges all the bullshit.
Is there a possibility to have gratitude along the way? I don’t know. It’s a tough question. Where is my actual book that I wrote? This one, Yes, You Can Get Pregnant. So in here, there’s a chapter in here that’s all about mental, emotional health, because I do think it’s really, really, really important, preparing yourself mentally and emotionally. And I talk about a couple of things in the beginning of that chapter that I think are really important, and I want to point them out. Are you approaching getting pregnant like a work project for a job that feels beyond your innate capabilities? Are you so tense over the topic of fertility rejuvenation that you’re reading this book with your shoulders up to your ears or you’re watching this live like, “What is she going to tell me to do? Am I going to take this supplement or that supplement? I need to get my eggs better. I need to get my eggs better. My progesterone’s too low.
Is a new opportunity for you to beat yourself up over not being pregnant? Now, that’s a good one. And that’s what we’re going to talk about. We’re going to have a specific one on that, gratitude for your period. That’ll be coming up in the month. Are you walking around staring at every pregnant woman you see and feeling angry or jealous or sad or resentful? All the above? Do you think you are undeserving of having everything you want, especially pregnancy? And you might not know that answer, but I love what I wrote in this book and I love that it’s still really true and rooted in the depth of the knowledge that I have from my clinical experience of working with you guys for so long and understanding that. And there’s such a fine line of doing all these things and making it feel like work versus getting rooted in the why behind why you’re doing it.
It’s like, are you beating yourself up over all the things you could be doing but you’re not doing? Are you reading this book and thinking, “Great, just one more thing I have to do to get pregnant while everyone else just gets pregnant whenever the fuck they want?” The perception that rejuvenating your fertility is work that you don’t want to do but you have to do, maybe making this journey more difficult for you. And that attitude is bad for your health and your immune system. And interesting research from Fertility and Sterility, it was a small study but found that the chance of live birth was 93% higher in women with the highest positive affect score set. Said another way: The positive women were 93% more likely to get pregnant than the negative women. In another study published in the same journal, researchers found that women with symptoms of depression were half as likely to conceive in comparison to women who were not depressed. The research is clear. Positive, joyful, grateful women are more likely to get pregnant than women who are negative and doubtful.
And I want to put a big asterisk next to that, a big caveat. I don’t think… We have affirmation cards that we’re going to give you guys as a giveaway for joining this live, and so they’re awesome and they’re free and Facebook, we’ll post the link. And Instagram, just DM us for the link, but watch a little bit more. So I want to say, before I give those to you, because I don’t think you can affirm your way out of deep seeded negative, worrisome beliefs. I think the affirmations help and I think they might wake you up, and I think they’re a guiding post. But as, as my spiritual teacher Abraham Hicks always says, the universe knows how you feel, not what you say. So we can’t affirm our way and we can’t pretend to be grateful when we’re really just fucking pissed off all the time or sad or desperate or just feeling so, so, so down and so alone, and so in this alone.
So we can’t affirm ourselves out of that. And in fact, forcing or force-feeding, shoving affirmations down our throat when we feel that way, I don’t think is helpful. I think it actually feeds the fire of the frustrations and the sadness. So I do want to say, you have every right to be sad and feel the way you feel about not being able to get pregnant as easily as you wanted to. You have every right to feel that. And in fact, I encourage you to feel all those feels, because I want them to be felt. I want them to come up and move out. You need to process them. I don’t want them living in you because I think they do more harm than good.
I want you to own it. This journey is tough. This is sad. This has sucked. But then I also want you to be able to enjoy the ride. So how can you do both? Well, you could focus on the things in your life that are working. We do this in my Yes program, which we will be launching again soon. It’s just my mindset program. And you start to think about the things that are easy in your life. The things that do just come so simply to you, and you can just execute and find joy or succeed, if you will. And so another thing that Abraham will say is, sometimes to get out of the funk around a certain subject is to not focus on that subject anymore and instead focus on the things that make you feel good.
So you might not be able to say, “I’m so grateful for my fertility journey. I’m so grateful for all the money I’ve spent on IVF. I’m so grateful for the miscarriages.” No, I don’t know that you’ll ever be able to say that. Some women get to a point when they’re on the other side of the journey that they can look back with a little more appreciation for the things that taught them. I’m not saying that, and I’m not diminishing anything you have been through because I definitely know that it sucks. And I get you on that and I hear you on that and I hold space for you on that. But could you find gratitude for other things in your life? Simple things like, “I’ve been following this girl Aimee and she’s got these really cool pink blue light glasses. And I got myself a pair and I kind of feel awesome in them.”
You could be grateful for that. Or, “I feel like I have a sense of community now. I never felt that before.” So yeah, it sucks to be a part of this club. I never wanted to have fertility challenges, but I have made some good friends along the way and I do feel really supported by these people. And I’ve read some good books. I’ve learned some really useful things. My hair, my skin, my nails are actually the healthiest they’ve ever been. I really do take the time and thought to put into what I nourish my body with. And so to start to see other things that you can find gratitude for while you’re in this space. And it’s not about perfection, it’s not about… And even these women in the studies, it was just a more positive affect score.
So they still had their moments of doubt and fear and worry anxiety. It’s really about that 60/40 or 70/30 rule. Can you live in that space of feeling more… Maybe hope is too hard of a word, but feeling more peace and ease than distress. Can you be in that space of, “This one category of my life is challenging, for certain, but there’s these other things in my life that are going really well and I’m very grateful for that. And I have a good life. And my partner and I are closer now than we’ve ever been before. And I’ve found a good team of doctors to support me. And I feel like I’m being heard.” Can we find these things that also bring us gratitude within the mix? I think it’s just like anything in life. There’s shit in life that happens, but that doesn’t have to say that your whole life sucks. And I do think that if we put all the pressure on the getting pregnant is going to be what makes me happy, I don’t know that this is going to work out.
That’s way too much pressure to put on one thing. It’s way too much expectation. So I want you to be able to enjoy your life along the way. Oh, you’re sweet Louise. Thank you. I’m grateful you found me, too. And that’s going to be different for everybody. And I do love the idea of a gratitude journal. Like when you wake up in the morning, I don’t necessarily write it out anymore, but I wake up and I think, “I just love this bed. It’s just so comfortable. This organic Bamboo mattress pad cover that I spent too much money on is very comfortable.” Or there’s some good ones that aren’t that expensive, but I like to pick on myself a little bit.
I love my air purifier. I love the color paint that I chose for my bedroom. That’s got no toxins. And I love my husband, even all the things we’ve been through. I look at him and I love him. And I look forward to my morning beverage. And I do really enjoy my nutrient-dense diet. And I love the way my skin looks. And I love cooking with coconut oil. And I had a healthy bowel movement. Those are simple things that we can find gratitude for along the way. And I think what happens, too, is getting lost in all the to-dos and feeling like if you don’t do the, thing that you’re going to miss out on the baby. And I just don’t think that that’s true. I think, again, if you drive it home more than you don’t, you’re going to be there.
It’s the little things. “I can do this. I’ve been so caught up in my struggles I’ve lost sight of what I’m grateful for. I can do this.” You totally can, Gina. And again, I don’t want it to be pressure but just could we just step back and just say, “It’s a beautiful day out. I’m grateful for this beautiful day.” Without dishonoring. I’m not asking anyone to positively affirm their way out of the pain of the struggle. That is real, that does suck. It may never fully go away for you. You always may be tinged with this for the rest of your life, and I’m speaking really honestly. There may always be a time when you’re having a conversation with someone and you talk about what you went through.
I had coffee this morning with… I had lemon water with ginger, she had coffee, this morning with someone who went through fertility stuff and also had a miscarriage. And we started talking and I shared about my miscarriage and her kids are now… She has twin girls in third grade and a five-year-old. And so she’s been out of it for five years, but the miscarriage happened before the twin girls and then it started her whole fertility journey. And she just went right there with me. And we’re strangers, we don’t know each other. It’s a professional meeting. And she didn’t touch my hand, but you could tell she wanted to. Because of the COVID thing, she didn’t touch my hand but she got teary-eyed and she was right there with me.
And I brought it up to the surface too. And it was like… She was like, “Girl, it sucks. I have been there.” So I don’t know that that ever goes away, but I have a lot of gratitude that something like that is what bonded us in that moment. And so to think about, in the whole mix of things, that there are a lot of things that have come up along this path for you, in these struggles that aren’t so bad. And I know for so many of the girls that I work with I’m in my groups or coaching or in my clinic, that they are so grateful for the relationships that I’ve formed with them and they’ve formed with other women, but they’re also so grateful for this knowledge that they’ve gained about how to best treat their body and how much better they feel. They’ve figured out what works for their body and they’ve figured out how to nourish and support themselves along this.
That is my goal. I can’t promise a pregnancy to anyone, and I really try not to. I can get really excited, though. And maybe that’s not always the best way to support you guys. But I really do get excited when I really feel it coming. But I think what I can promise you is that working with someone like me or reading my books, following me here, whatever capacity I’m in your life and whatever guidance you choose to receive from me, or let me hold space for you is that what my mission really is is to get you back to the best version of you. And you will never regret that, ever. And I want you to do the things. And there’s a lot of things that I like my girls to do, and I want you to do those things to amplify your health, because your fertility is an extension of your health and your health is mental and it’s emotional and it’s physical and it’s nutritional.
And so when you approach this like a full time job and you have to check all these boxes, because if you don’t do these things you’re never going to get the baby. And you’re so pissed that you still don’t have the baby, and where’s the baby? And now I can’t eat fucking gluten anymore. Where’s my fucking baby? That is not going to make you happy or grateful. That’s going to make you more miserable. So can we back it up for a second and actually say, “Maybe there is something to this gluten thing or this dairy thing.” Awe, you guys are sweet. Thank you. Or, “There is something to taking extra fish oil or eating more vegetables, because I do feel better. I’m not pregnant yet and that sucks, and my FSH hasn’t changed yet,” or whatever it is.
Like, “I’m not there yet but all right, I do feel a little bit better. I miss pizza and I miss my wine but I do feel a little bit better. But I can have those once in a while, but I do feel a little bit better.” Okay, so can we find the gratitude along the way? And if we knew… I do think that’s where the spirit baby conversation comes in, and I did one on this last week so you guys can go and watch that if you want to know more about what I was talking about. But if we knew that it’s spiritual, so is there any evidence-based research on this? No. But I don’t know, I feel like I have 17 years of clinical experience, I’ve got some evidence-based research on it.
If we knew that the desire for a child meant that there was a child that wanted to come to us so the desire was reciprocal. And if we knew that they were watching from above and all they wanted for us was to be in the best version of ourselves so that they could get the mom that they deserve and live and grow in the vessel that is going to be most nutritive for them or restorative or replenishing or nourishing, then maybe the pressure would be off and then maybe it would just be like, “I’m going to live my life for me and I’m going to find joy along the way, because that baby’s coming.” It’s not like if, it’s just when. When it’s the right time for the baby, when it’s the right time for my family, my job, my career, my husband, my partner, da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da. There’s timing. It’s divine timing. If we trusted in that divine timing and we actually just enjoyed our life along the way, I do think the experience would be a hell of a lot better.
I want to see if there’s any questions over here. Manifestation cards. Did I say affirmation cards, Beth? I’m sorry. Manifestation cards, which makes me feel better because I don’t love affirmation cards, I’ve got to be honest. And I know we made these cards and I love them and I couldn’t remember what we called them. But it’s also this thing of, you can’t manifest. If you guys are in that manifesting world, you can’t manifest when you’re like, “I just want the baby so bad. Where’s my baby?” That is not manifesting. That is the opposite. That is repelling the manifestation. That is like, “Ugh, I’m doing all these things and I hate it. And I’m so pissed off and I just want this child and everybody else is pregnant and I’m not and this sucks.” That is not the way to manifest.
The way to manifest is to find ease and joy in your life right here, right now, and trust. That is the way to manifest. And it’s not easy because otherwise we’d all just be manifesting left and right. I’m not saying it’s hard either, but we really are good at getting in our own way and pointing out all the problems and all the things we should do or could’ve done or didn’t do or who didn’t do what for us when, and that’s why we’re where we’re at. We’re very good at blaming and shaming ourselves and others. And that is the repulsion of manifestation. The manifestation is, “I’m where I’m supposed to be. Not the best place. Don’t totally love it, but I am enjoying the ride. There are some really good things in my life and there are some really good things I’ve learned. And this has been an interesting experience and I am definitely stronger for it, and I’m tougher, and my relationships are better, and I’ve learned what I need and I’ve learned how to have healthy boundaries and say no when I mean no and yes when I mean yes.”
For most women that I see, and again, I’m at thousands at this point so it’s a lot of women. I think I have a lot of data. When they really step into their power and they take care of themselves, that is where it comes from. The ease and the joy in that, and feel pride. There is such pride. I had a call with a girl the other day, and she started this journey I guess like a year ago when she’s young. She’s in her mid 30s or early 30s and found out her FSH was like a 60. And her doctors were like, “Sorry, you’re shit out of luck. Good luck with that.” And she was just determined. And she came across my teachings and I’m sure some other people’s teachings. And she did all the things. She incorporated all the things. And she decided to coach with me.
And I was on a bit of a wait list, so our first coaching call was just last week. And so she’s been nine months into some of my teachings and programs. And she was overjoyed because her FSH went from a 60 to, what was it? An 11 or a nine. And she got the go-ahead for an IUI that month. And she actually did the IUI. She had two beautiful follicles, and will see the results, which is amazing. But she found the joy along the way. And she said to me, she was like… Obviously she got this positive result but she’s still not pregnant. She was just so freaking happy that she could change her hormones like that. She could not believe that she could change her hormones when doctor after doctor told her, “Shit out of luck. Sorry, girl. Donor egg’s your only option. You’re done for. Premature ovarian failure, you’re done for.” And she turned it around.
And she said to me, I just sat with her. She was just gushing all this gratitude. And I was like, “I hope you’re proud of yourself.” And she was like, “I am so proud of myself. This is like the best thing I’ve ever done for me.” And she’s like, “And it’s not easy. It was hard work, but I’ve learned to appreciate it. And I know my body works so much better.” She’s like, “My husband’s so much healthier. Our families are healthier. I’ve educated everybody. We’ve changed all these things.” And she was just in this joy. And she doesn’t have the baby yet. She has positive feedback. But I think if we can get into it, we can get positive feedback from our body pretty quickly when we start taking better care of ourselves mentally, emotionally, physically, and nutritionally. Like our hair, our skin, our nails, our poop, our sleep, our energy, the way we show up in the world. And there’s a pride that comes with that.
And so we can start seeing that positive reinforcement from our body very quickly. And then a lot of girls will see their hormones shift, or AMH goes up and FSH goes down and estrogen improves and all the things start to work. And when I find a girl who is doing all the things and she’s checking all the boxes and she’s got her spreadsheet of her supplements. Not that there’s anything wrong with a spreadsheet of supplements, but and it’s still not working, there is emotional constraint in there. There needs to be more joy along the way. So it’s almost like we’ve got to stop doing all the things. I don’t want you to abandon the things, but I want you to throw yourself into joy.
Talk about it in Yes, You Can Get Pregnant. There’s some good tools in here, too, but what else are you giving birth to? Is something I’ll often talk to them about. Where is the excitement in your life? What else are you super excited about and getting into? And that’s how Abraham would say, the best way to manifest is to stop focusing on the thing you want so hardly, so intentionally with so much expectation and pressure. Shift your focus to something that makes you feel better. Redecorate your home. I know that causes expenses and stuff like that, but zoom around on Instagram and read fun profiles, watch funny movies, dance naked in your living room. Cook yummy, delicious foods that are actually also healthy. Get into recipes. Do things that excite you and make you feel good and take your attention away from the thing that doesn’t make you feel good. And let it do its thing.
You take care of you. There’s only so much we can control. I also had a call with a couple the other day, and rightfully frustrated that they still don’t have their baby, and still looking under lots of rocks to try to find anything that’s wrong or find the magic potion that’s going to fix them and get them pregnant. And the husband asked in very sincerely, was like, “So what is it, doc? What is wrong with us? Why are we not pregnant? Why aren’t we there yet? What is wrong?” And I was like, “I actually…” I have a closer relationship with the wife. That’s who I work with. This was my first time meeting him. I was like, “I actually don’t think there’s anything wrong. I think now we have to wait for the magic. Now it’s divine timing. I think you’ve done all the right things, you’re in the right place. Now I think you loosen the reigns and you enjoy your life. Are you guys having fun? Get back to having fun. Stop working so fucking hard in every aspect of your life.”
And it’s not just them, and I don’t think that’s entirely them. That’s all of us. Chill the fuck out, which was the original title of my first book. And I say that lovingly, like, trust. A girl in the group just before I came on, in my secret Facebook group asked, “What else can I do that’s not X, Y, and Z that you told me to already do?” And I was like, “Okay, what if there’s nothing more to do? What if now you’ve done everything and now you have to let go and enjoy the ride?” What if the only last thing to do is to have some freaking fun? Have a dance party. Call some old friends. Listen to music that makes you want to sing from the top of your lungs. Have some fun. Have some fun.
You guys are so sweet. Okay, “I do find myself feeling very grateful about parts of this journey. Some of it has been heartbreaking but it hasn’t all been bad. I’m growing in so many ways. It’s honestly a beautiful thing.” That’s what I see. I could cry thinking about what I see, what I witness in my girls. It’s beautiful. Even in myself, it’s beautiful. “I’m grateful to be working with an auto-immune doctor. It took me years to finally get to this point. I’m proud of myself for taking that next step.” Damn straight, Heather. “On the relationship building with you and each other, so fun.” “I’m still healing for my last loss. Damn, it’s hard. I’m beyond grateful for others who understand and support each other. Thank you, Aimee.” You’re welcome. Celeste. “I read somewhere that dim detox helps. What are your thoughts, please?”
I’m not talking about dim today, girl. I’m talking about gratitude, so another time. “During the journey, gratitude. Grateful for healthy eating and feeling happier about my body. Grateful for fun times together. Thankful for people in my life. After the journey, grateful for all the things.” This is one of my girls who had quite a few losses before she got to her baby. “After the journey, grateful all the things, even the miscarriages and the torturous waiting that allowed me to learn and grow and become the mom I need to be for my daughter. Without help and support I wouldn’t have been ready for all that pregnancy and parenthood entails or able to live in the moment with her every day.” I’m so proud of you, Sharon. I needed to hear this today. You guys are so sweet. You’re making me cry. “This makes sense. When I was last pregnant, although I miscarried, I wasn’t thinking so much about becoming pregnant. I don’t think I was stressing about it at all.”
Yeah. When people say, “Do you think stress impacts fertility?” I agree, it’s such an annoying question cause it’s like, “Of course I’m fucking stressed. I want this thing and it’s not happening. So fuck you.” Yeah, I’m stressed. It’s annoying. But it’s not so much the stress, it’s the expectation. The pressure of, “Is it going to be this month? When am I ovulating? Did I have enough cervical mucus? Did I do all the things?” Like, “da-da-da-da-da. Did we have enough sex? And what about his sperm?” And all the things. That’s the stress that puts us in this fight or flight mode that we’re like, “What’s broken? What’s broken? What do I have to fix? What do I have to fix?” Instead of like, “I am going to be in a state of rest.” And I think rest and rejuvenation and fun, and that is reproductive territory.
Reproductive territory is not this holding so tight and checking the boxes and doing all the things. That is not super reproductive territory. It’s just not. I like to teach you all the things so you know how to do all the things and you see how helpful it is for your life and how good you feel. And then I want you to do those things from the space of, “Oh, those feel good to me. I feel really good about that.” And then start to slowly relax into it, into just being in your life and enjoying your life versus waiting for this thing to happen for you to find the joy. That’s too hard. Too tough on you.
Okay, so like I said, we have some really good manifestation cards for you guys. And so I think we’re posting them here on Facebook, the link, and then Instagram, just private message us and we’ll get them to you. I just want to read this last one. “I had to leave so many fertility groups except you…” Oh, you’re sweet. “Because I was inundated with constant fertility, 24/seven. It’s made a huge difference for me to allow myself to focus on me and other important things.”
Yeah, I agree. I agree. I agree. It really is about us. And so is fertility. It’s truly divine feminine energy, which is receptive and creative and intuitive and luscious and sexy and fertile and in the moment and having fun. That’s the receptive mode. That’s the receiving mode. That’s where I want us all to be rooted in. But in the receiving mode too is a woman who takes care of herself, a woman who puts herself first, who recognizes what her body needs, listens to her body, doesn’t ignore certain things. That’s a woman who’s in her divine feminine power, too.
Like, “I need to do this for me because this is how I am at my best.” Yeah, being comfortable in your own skin. That’s it, Louise. That’s it, being uncomfortable in your own skin and liking who you see in the mirror, and not beating yourself up every possible fucking second you get. Not beating yourself up or trying to blame other people for something. Just take a breath and like who you are, because you’re pretty freaking awesome. There’s only one of you, so we’re very grateful to have you. And roll with it a bit.
And I still do think and do the things that I think you should do because you will feel better, and enjoy the ride. Okay. Awe, you’re welcome. All right, guys. I love you. I’m going to go. I’ll see you later. For all of you in my reboot, I’ll see you in the reboot coaching session in about 30 minutes. Okay. Ciao. Have a great day. Oh, and if you want the manifestation cards, Instagram, just DM us, okay?
Aimee Raupp is a licensed herbalist, natural fertility expert and acupuncturist in NYC, offering natural fertility treatment, care & coaching solutions to women who want to get pregnant! Get pregnant fast with natural fertility care, Aimee’s online fertility shop & coaching solutions. Aimee Raupp has helped hundreds of women to get pregnant naturally! Aimee and her team are experts in Chinese Medicine, Massage & Eastern Nutrition! Get pregnant naturally, achieve optimal health & vitality, take control of your health! Aimee is excited to work with you at one of the Aimee Raupp Wellness Centers NYC. Aimee’s Fertility Coaching Program is a personal guidance along your fertility journey. If you are trying to get pregnant naturally, this program is for you! Aimee Raupp offers holistic, wellness and natural fertility books. Learn how to enhance your fertility and get pregnant naturally with Aimee’s cookbooks and diet guides!
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